Wednesday, August 26, 2015


After making cookies late last night-to avoid drunkenness and running off to join the circus-Titus wandered down seeking cures for a headache. I'm certain he was completely exhausted, but I gave him a dose of Tylenol anyway. He silently sidled up to the counter where the cookies were cooling and gave them a sideways glance and a grin.

"Nope. You already brushed your teeth." -me
"Well...I just had medicine and I'm sure it had sugar in it, so..."-him
<sigh>"Here's a cookie for having a good argument."-me

I don't like it when my kids outsmart me, but I'm typically pretty fair about it.


"You're being nice. Why are you being so nice?" Titus, to Jude.

He's right to be wary.


"Oh, hi, Gra-ppa. You buy a house? You buy a big house!"-Jude, into his play phone.


raptor noises, constant raptor noise


Titus had a nerf gun. Felix was holding him back by his shirt and suddenly let go, causing Titus to trip and fall. "That's it! I'm SHOOTING HIM!"-Titus, aimed at Felix.


"GIMME! IT!"-Same nerf gun. Cocked by Titus, shot by Jude with impressive aim. He got both big kids in the back as they were trying to do school.


"Get dressed."-me, 18,000,000 times a day
"Pick up your socks."-me, also 18,000,000 times a day
"Put your shoes in the closet!"-me, 18,000,001 times a day


"JUUUUUUUDE!"-said by all, all day long, every single day.


"Put you wiener dog back in your pants!"-Not sure who said it, but it was aimed at, you guessed it, Sean. Just kidding. It was aimed at Jude.


"I need sup-tin."-Jude, usually tugging on the fridge or pantry door.


"Mommy, come back. Hold my hand."-Jude, after 14 stalls at bedtime. And I cave at least 90% of the time.


Amidst all the noise and chaos and boy and fighting, there is always an undercurrent of love.

Monday, August 24, 2015

First-ish Day of School.

Sean had some work errands to run and chose today to take the boys to work with him. This, the first day of school. I relaxed the controls on my control freak nature and tried to remember that this is what's awesome about homeschooling...the flexibility. The control freak lurking in the background assumed they'd be home at a reasonable enough hour to get school done and attend the CAP meeting.

Because they all looked so spiffy, I made them stand still for a picture on their way out the door. Simon was mad because Felix called shot gun. "You're not old enough to ride up front!" he argued. "Uh, he weighs as much as you do," I reminded him. Hence the face.
 The reasonable hour that I expected them home by + one.five more were spent at Carmax test driving fast, expensive cars. 

Meanwhile, this chucklehead got a jump start on 'em both. Things were rolling along so smashingly, I was taking snapshots. 
And insisting that we shouldn't just write "MATH" in sharpie, we should decorate the covers of the notebooks.  

 He even drew pictures out of each letter. A Pokemon "U," a smiley face "G."
 And then Jude woke up. 
And the printer ran out of ink. 
And the construction paper I never bought was an actual need on the supply list. 
 I set them up on the couch so I could jump in the shower. "Do whatever you want," I said. Clearly I'd  given up all hope for anything as a trip to Walmart was closing in. 

You'd never guess the terror this little chubster inflicted upon our household today. Or perhaps you could if you have a two year old man cub of your own.
 "Oh! A boo boo! Titus, you have a boo boo! MOM! Titus. Has. A. BOO. BOO!" Not a minute later he'd scratched a chunk of flesh from that same brother's face. For no reason other than Titus's sheer existence. 
 Chick fil A is right in front of Walmart, so...All during lunch, this one didn't stop to take a breath. Chat chat chat and at the end of one story he said, "And we all lived ever after rest in peace." I think even he was confused. 
 Walmart. He was talking to Grandpa. "Grandpa come visit. We wan-see Grandma." I really do think he wants to see you both. 
Wouldn'tcha know it? Walmart was out of printer cartridges. 
Wouldn'tcha know it? I'd written down the wrong model number for the printer. 

The others came home about the same time I returned, defeated by Walmart. 

 I got this guy started on his assignments as Simon and Sean headed back out for CAP. This guy who thinks that because he doesn't like writing, he should't have to. "I'm not a writer!" Uh, writing numbers in math isn't asking you to be a writer, Dude, nice try!

It became apparent that we really needed the ability to print stuff. I realized my mistake in the model number and tried to talk myself into a return trip to Walmarts. 
They only had one of the colors I needed and I'm stoked I realized it had been messed with. If I'd gotten home to find an empty cartridge in the bottom of this cut open box, I would've been livid. Since this one was jacked, they had neither color needed. I had to spring for the combo pack. $60 worth of ink. The kicker, a brand new printer is only $45. I vote that the government set up an oversight committee for home printer SHAMS. 
 Once I got all the cartridges plugged in and the printer up and running, Jude figured he'd play Russian roulette with it and turn it off and on while we tried printing important papers. I'm running back and forth between computers and him, tripping and flailing and getting madder than crap. 

Jude then ripped a project waiting to be scanned and uploaded. He colored on another project. If you notice the stools in the school room have levers...his favorite thing to do is pull the lever when the boys are on it. It shoots 'em up in the air and none of them are heavy enough to put the stools back down on their own. If they're under the table with no one sitting on them, the chairs are strong enough to lift the table and dump everything on the ground. We go through the process at least fifteen times a day. It's not awesome. 

At some point between the printer debacle and dinner, I hear Felix say, "What happened to my computer?!" Jude happened. He took a pair of kid scissors and gouged a huge scratch across the finger pad. <sigh> We were all sitting RIGHT THERE the whole time! We just can't have nice things. 

I shuttle his butt downstairs at that point to start dinner. He asks for blueberries. "SURE." He comes running over from the reading nook as if his sock isn't completely purple. A whole pint, smashed into my area rug. Not awesome.
 After dinner I sent the two littles to get ready for bed. As if. Jude comes down as soon as he gets to the top of the stairs. "I pooped, Mom. In my pants." For the second time today. "Where does poop go, Jude?!" I asked, for the second time today. "In there," he answered honestly, pointing at his pants. "No..." I started. "Oh, in da potty." 
 By the end of the day, it was either alcohol or cookie dough. Knowing alcohol would mean needing to take these people to the store again, I went for the dough. 
And we get to do it all again tomorrow. Only double for Simon. It should be amazing. 

All kidding aside, I love this. No really. As much as there are days I reeeeeeally want to ship them all off, they are few and far between. That said, I'm totally looking into a Mother's Day Out or some such something for Jude. Ermahgerd, he drove me NUTS today. 

I think that Sean thinks that my explosive texting throughout the day is a tad overboard. It seems he hasn't had much one on one time with his lil Judelet lately. I'm hoping to remedy that real soon.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Week In The Life: day 7

Last day!! I'm actually going to miss this project. I plan to do it again once school starts. Maybe around Christmas? Maybe after the new year? We should be in a whole different place by then.

I got to spend the night in my own bed!! With no kids! How refreshing. Sean stumbled into bed at some point this morning after working all night. Sometimes when he's on call, he can sleep; other times he's up all night placing epidurals. Last night was the latter.

I shuttled the kids to the opposite side of the house so he could sleep soundly as he's on back up call again today. Breakfast of Lunch Lady brownies-blech-even the kids don't approve this morning.

We skipped church today. Our preacher is on leave, so there's a sub. I like having inside information because the only reason we go to this church is for the preaching. If he's not there, we don't go.

When the kids' noise reached an outside only level that's exactly where I sent them.

After kicking them out, I sat down to read in my happy place. I love this chair, this room, this sunlight, this view. I sit down and stand up from this chair all day long. It's a recharging station.

Two pages into my book, "Mom! Come see dis!" beckons from the garage. A frog. I grabbed my camera on the way out. It whizzed on Simon as he held it in his hands. Felix promised, "You're gonna get a wart. Probably two."

I set them up to arrange seashells from our last trip to the beach. "Light to dark or small to big, your pick." Instead, they smashed the fragile ones and scattered the rest. I was able to rescue the sea glass before it got mixed in with all the other rocks in our driveway.
 & then the power tools came out. I love it when they get creative. :D
The middles came in from playing to tell me a story about the neighbor girl that joined the group recently. She was rude to Titus, so all the truths spilled out. She says "shut up" a lot and claims to have a 23 year old internet boyfriend. She's eight. I made a mental note to speak to whomever she lives with & tuck her attitude into my "what about socialization?" arsenal.
I had just said, "Nobody make a face," and Jude ran over to make a face. True Two. I should put that on a shirt. 

They're chattering away and Felix is claiming "Nobody treats my brother that way(the 'except me' was implied)." Felix is always moving when he talks; he has too much stored energy to stand still. As he's talking, he's flipping open this old Mack truck that we have and says, "Oh, what was that?! Oh...just a lizard." A freakin' lizard jumped out of the trailer end of Mack and slithered under my sanctuary.

 That's what I'm talkin' 'bout, T. 

After Felix catches and releases him, I send the boys to shower and ask that they get somewhat dressed up for pictures. Emily texts while Felix is waiting on his turn to shower, so they FaceTime. He is a happy soul when he's talking to Emily. I remember when I was the only girl that could make him smile like that.

 Jude was done talking. "I color you a pitcher, Mom."


For lunch, Titus asks for a PBJ with mayonnaise-he got a regular. They watch a movie while they eat as the dining room is under our room and the noise funnels right up the stairs.

I hop in the shower and plan a trip to Trader Joes. It's going on 3 o'clock, so I tell Sean I'm heading out. "Which kids are you taking?" My "HA!" came across wrong. I should've added in a "pffffffft!" so he'd get my message more clearly. I slipped out (with no kids) and headed for TJs.

 $2.12/gal. I'll take it. Even though it should be lower given the price per barrel...
 I took this at the gas station. I'm not actually this calm when I drive. As proven on the Parkway not ten minutes later. This fool in front of me was going 35. THIRTY. FIVE. It's already excruciatingly slow on the Parkway-45mph-but if people just do 45 everybody is happy. The Parkway is BEAUTIFUL. It's the type of place one wants to go for a Sunday drive, but it is also a main route. 45 should do for both kind of travelers. Once 35 got out of the way, I and 30 other angry drivers got behind a moped. The other joy of the Parkway is that there is very few passing zones.

Hence, my idea for a bullhorn in all cars. I feel it should be every driver's right to let other drivers know their opinion of them. I think it would be well worth the cost. Heck, today alone I could've used it three times.
I "got super lost" on the way and somehow ended up at Charming Charlies. I've never stopped in before, but I'm one of those people whose brain is completely controlled by advertising. I got two shirts for $15. I mean, c'mon!
Then Joann's. I just peeked at the fabric. Self control got me out of there when I saw the sale sign. 
 I needed page protectors. Joanns selection opened my eyes to just how dead scrapbooking truly has become. 
 The boys have been into string art lately. Apparently it's made a comeback? $18?!?!?!? This is insanity. My boys just made two with scrap wood for pennies. PENNIES. All it is is nails in a board and they're charging $18. Ridiculous.
I didn't realize Sundays turned Trader Joe's into some mecca. It was so crowded and so picked over. The cashier was surprised when I answered his, "Did you find everything you need?" honestly. "Um, no, actually. You guys are pretty well picked over." He acted like I'd hurt his feelings. 
The therapy that takes place in the car when I'm alone is worth good money. I laugh, I cry, I sing, I dance...I'm a one woman show when I'm in the car alone. Seriously, how freeing is it to sing along to Phil Collins when no one is there to judge? Even if, especially if, you only know the, "You can caaaaall me AAAAAAL" part. If Taylor Swift comes on, I'm not even liable for what comes out of my head. I'm pretty positive I could be a contestant on American Idol when I'm singing about bandaids and bullet holes. Seriously though, it's a trick of the devil that no matter how much you dislike Taylor Swift and how little you listen to her music, her songs still get firmly lodged in your head. Singing along with Taylor is about the only time I think perhaps I should've been a mom to girls. The boys never want to sing along. :/

I didn't get home in time to do pictures. Well, not good pictures. I still attempted it, but I plan to redo them when the light is good. There's a magical thirty minutes when the light is completely perfect in the school room. 7:15 p.m. is not it.

 Yelling at the computer. No, son, that'll probably be me. :)

 That smirk of his...that's his daddy's smirk. 
 I mentioned that we may need to get this one a hair cut. "No, not my curls! My big hair makes my face look better." Ha! I'm glad he wears his "big hair" with confidence. 
 After a quick dinner of tacos, the punkadees went to bed!! 
What an awesome week. I'm so, so glad I decided to take on another Week In the Life! Here's to the first day of school!!