Friday, January 08, 2010

hmph

I don't want to blog, but I know that someday I'll want to look back on these days and know just that: that I'm looking back on them.

I have a whole bunch of thoughts in my head and I need to get 'em out somewhere. I don't know a lot about what's going on, but I do know Sean is being deployed. Soon.

I know that he's stressed to the max, running around like a chicken with his head cut off doing a ba-zillion things. I know that I've been keeping myself so busy doing things like making him a calendar with a family picture for every single day he'll be gone so I don't have to face reality. I've been wearing my big girl panties for the last few days so the kiddos won't catch on too much. It breaks my heart to hear Sean explain what deployment means to the boys. Or try and put the time issue into something they will comprehend. I get a lump in my throat when I catch him watching Titus with a certain look on his face.
He started crawling the day we got the news. Sean said, "At least I didn't miss that." We thought this was still two years away{the deployment, not the crawling}. He's gonna miss his 30th birthday. I was going to throw him a surprise party. Valentine's Day. He's going to miss Titus walking and his first birthday. He'll miss our ninth anniversary. Mostly, though, he's gonna miss out on a whole lot of daily-ness.

We'll get on a schedule. We're gonna be just fine. It's like an adventure. A really crappy adventure. I'm gonna miss my buddy. I'm gonna miss his presence. All the stuff he does around here. He takes Felix to the bathroom in the middle of the night if he's had one too many juice boxes. He cleans the toilets. He does the only healthy cooking. His crepes, oh...Ok, those may not count as health food, but still. He puts the big ones to bed. He does 2/3 of the baths around here. He's the trashman. He puts air in the tires, I always put the valve on wrong and let air out. He fixes the computer after the kids have been on it. He wrestles with the boys. He opens the jars. He can figure out medicine doses without having to think about it. He knows just what to say to get Simon out of a funk. That one goes for me too. He rubs my hair just the right way to put me to sleep in 3 minutes. How am I gonna reach the itch right in the middle of my back? How am I gonna comfort the kids when they miss him? Who in the world will I talk to about politics? Or when I find a verse that is too exciting to keep to myself?

I realize that that all sounds very selfish. I think I worry about those little things so I don't have to worry about the big ones. I know that he'll be fine. I know some days will suck and some will be just peachy. Mostly, I know when it's all over, we'll be stronger for it and it will seem like it passed in a flash.

I asked him to stop at the grocery store tonight. He said a little boy walked up to him and said, "Excuse me, sir. I just wanted to tell you that I want to be a soldier when I grow up." I just about lost it when he said the kid saluted him. He checked out in the same line as the kid and his mom and shook the little boy's hand. Sean said it made all the crap he's been through today worth it.

This is just part of our lives now. We expected it, just not so soon and with such little warning. We're actually both handling it really well. As are the kids. I'm kinda glad there is such chaos leading up to it b/c it doesn't give either of us time to think about anything. I've been busy buying travel toiletries and hunting down space bags. He's spent his time gathering signatures and training training training. I have only had one good weeping session and it wasn't even when he was home. Other than that, I've been my usual chipper self. For those of you praying, I truly, truly can tell a difference in my outlook and attitude. Thank you. It is much appreciated.

I guess that's it. *sigh* I feel much better now that I've gotten all that out. :)

5 comments:

Aron said...

WOW. Thank you! Thank you to Sean for his service and to you for being willing ( I know that's not really the right word) to take on raising three boys on your own for a little while. And I'm praying it's a LITTLE while. Collin and I are SOOO unbelievably thankful for all military families! I know you have the most awesomest of AWESOME photographers in your sister-in-law, Helena, (LOVE HER!!!), but I also know she's half a world away. By the way, is she?? Those Christmas pics confused me! Anyway, it doesn't sound like you will be coming home before it happens, but if you do we would be honored to do a family session for y'all before he leaves. And you can definitely count on our prayers.

Jude said...

this post made me cry.
I can't know how you feel, but knowing one of my dearest friends ever is feeing this way... well, just know I am hurting for you.
Love you!!

Melissa said...

Chrissy,
I can't even imagine what you are going through. This makes me cry and want to scream out at the same time. I am thinking of you and your family and wanting to do more than just pray.
You are an amazing woman and I don't think that I could even go through what you are going through.
And to Sean. Thank you. THANK YOU for all you are doing for our country. You are an amazing father and husband.
Melissa

hippo chick said...

My dear Chrissy,

You are loved. Like everyone else, I am so thankful that you and Sean are giving such a sacrifice for our country. I spent some time this weekend with a young man who will be deployed soon too. All I can say to all of you is, "Thank you." and "God bless you."

We will be praying much.

~hippo hugs~

Brown English Muffin said...

OK as I'm reading all of these completely backwards I can see that I'm going to be in for quite a few posts that make me cry....tell Sean thank you from me.

P.S. My husband can also administer meds without thinking about it...I think it's the Navy Medic in him! :0)