Friday, January 29, 2010

I thought

I'd be blogging a lot more than I have been. This is in part due to the fact that I'm too busy being busy. It's also b/c I started another blog. It's private, so only I can see it. It's basically an open letter to Sean detailing all the little tidbits of our day that he's missing out on. Funny things the kids say, errands we run, people we see. It's kinda boring, but I'm already enjoying being able to look back to the first few days to see what all we've accomplished.

I must say, I am awesome. I knew this would make me tough, but I had no idea how tough. That first day...I won't lie, it was bad. I never knew what lovesick really meant. I've never missed someone so badly or felt so completely unsure of what I was even supposed to be doing. I wanted to explain to everyone I came into contact with, "Ignore the impulsive crying, my husband's been deployed."

I'm doin' this thang, though. With help, but mostly, it's just me and the boys. I try to think of it like Sean's long weekends. But instead of three days, it's almost 200.

I've seen such compassion and kindness in the last couple of weeks. I don't want to forget any of it. I've gotten gifts in the mail from people I've never even met in real life. I got a card from my sister's middle school BFF who I have not seen since I was four. My neighbor just gave me a pizza one night so I wouldn't have to go to the grocery store, then turned around the next day and brought me a homemade poundcake. A friend from highschool made us dinner two nights in a row. I got the sweetest gift ever from another friend. Little homemade prayer blankets. The One who NEVER wants to pray won't go to bed without his and I'm pretty sure if Simon could figure out how, he would have it folded up in his pocket to carry with him 24/7. Just the thoughtfullness behind these little notes and gestures get me more emotional than missing Sean.

I get to IM with him pretty frequently, but that's probably going to change soon. Right now they're still in a building phase. Once everything is set up and with the weather getting warmer, he'll probably be kept a bit busier. He's not all that excited about what he's doing, he's out of his element, but he's taking it all in stride. That's my man. Doing his best at whatever task he's been given.

Watching little clips from the State of the Union, I got a little down about the whole thing again. The one and only promise Obama has kept, increasing the troops in Afghanistan. 70,000 troops. 70, 000! That is such a HUGE number. It just blows my mind that 70,000 people volunteered for this. Not volunteered in a "I'll go!" kinda way, but joined the military knowing it was going to happen at some point.

Knowing just how many people in our own circle are affected some way by Sean, it breaks my heart thinking about all the spouses and kids and parents and friends that are attached to each individual soldier. It's just nuts. Obama said he's pulling all the troops out of Iraq by...whatever date it was, it'll change. Well that's fabulous, but in my opinion, terrorists are like cockroaches. We shined a light on Iraq and they scurried away for a time. We didn't squash 'em. They'll be back.

I just can't figure out the state of this world. I hate it for my kids. When I was kid, I didn't think about things like war and terrorists and what my Daddy looked like in his fighting gear. That is all Simon talks about, how cool his dad looks with a gun strapped to his leg. It makes me want to throw up.

Moving on!

Oh, something funny. I have been laughing for days about this plan. I blew it today, though. A couple people told me to send {Dad, if you're reading, you might want to stop here. :)} Sean underwear in a care pkg. I think that's just gross and totally not something I would do.

I've been telling Sean I was going to send him something special and that it was important that nobody else sees it. I said I would mark the box so he would know which one it was. I got it all built up in his mind that something AWESOME is coming.

So I thought it would be HU-larious to find the most gigantic pair of underwear I could find, fold it up really small, wrap in ribbon, package it all fancy and stuff. Frilly, girly, lacey, the whole nine in like a 5X. I looked. Turns out, people who wear a 5X want expensive, tummy flattening underwear. All I could find was spandex and it really doesn't look as huge on the hanger as I was thinking. My plan is an epic fail. I am not willing to spend $20 on a gag gift. But wouldn't it have been funny??

I told him my plan. He said it was just plain mean, but totally me.

And one of the mobile monster. I had forgotten just how aggravating children that move can be. I have a feeling he's going to be a bit like Felix. He used to listen when I said, "No No." This is him getting caught digging potting soil out of my plant for the bazillionth time yesterday. Yep, he's blurry. I said, "Tiiiiiiiiitus? What are you doing?" He just flipped around all innocent like he had no idea where the pile of dirt came from. Cute cute cute.

I guess that's it. I don't mean to sound so negative. I'm actually very positive in real life. This is just my venting spot. I always feel tons better when I get it all out. :)


Allison said...

Love the idea of the private blog - I have one too, though I don't use it as often as I'd like. Too bad the underwear thing didn't work out - haha! Keep on keepin' on. You guys are rock stars!

Jenny said...

Vent away girl! Vent away! I know I'd need a place to get all my thoughts out too if I were in your place. LOVE that you have another private blog...he will LOVE that you kept up with the day to day for him!

Stay strong!

Corey said...

i love the underwear idea! LOL! not even at walmart? they didn't have some big nasties there??
Hang in there girl, you're doing a great job. {hugs}

Christine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christine said...

I have to say, I smiled when I read about you getting a card from your sisters middle school BFF, because that is ME! I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you and how impressed I am with your strength. You are in my prayers every day!

Jill said...

You are amazing Chrissy!!! You are doing so well!!! Praying for you and Sean!

Dettao said...

Hugs girl. Do we have a date, yet? Can't wait to meet you

Jude said...

oh my... check the dollar store, they sell ginormus bras, that would be even better! ;)
I would bring you dinner too, but i think mailing you chicken would make it a tad tough... ;)

Anonymous said...

You ARE doing a FABULOUS job!!