Monday, May 10, 2010

unraveling

I can feel it happening. Even the boys are starting to come undone. We are all just kinda done with this crap.

I'm trying to just hang on a few more weeks til my mom comes. I am so glad you're coming, Mom. The trip home could not be coming at a better time.

It's been coming on for a week or two, but I really noticed it today. We hopped into the Target Starbucks because well...it's Starbucks. They are having 1/2 priced Frappuccinos{now-16th, from 3-5pm}, in case you didn't know. Anyways, there was this chick that wandered in just as the whipped cream was running out. I got the boys their own drink on the condition that they forfeited their frothy tops to T. I was feeling a bit self conscious as she stared at us. I was imagining she thought me a horrible mother for giving my kids Starbucks. There was no coffee in their drinks. That would be maternal suicide, as far as I'm concerned. No extra HYPE for my boys.

Anyways, she just kept looking at us.

As I walked out, she said, "Wow. You are so good with them. I just have two and I can barely manage."

I just smiled and said, "Thanks."

I didn't feel like explaining that I'm used to it. I didn't want to go into some long dialogue where I told her my husband is in Afghanistan and I don't have a choice. I didn't even want her sympathetic looks or thank yous. I'm just done. I don't care anymore. I just want my husband back.

Simon used to jump into any conversation and tell people, "My Dad's in Afghanistan!" Even he doesn't bother anymore.

It's not that we aren't still insanely proud of him, we're just tired.

Titus screamed for his Dada tonight. Screamed. He hasn't done that at all since Sean left. He's babbled about him and giggled over pictures of him, but tonight it was an all out fit.

What pushed me over the edge tonight was reading this article. Sure, crap on the people that are giving you the freedom to do so.

Ignore me, this is just one of those ranting posts. I'll go eat a piece of bacon and get my head on straight again. That's a joke. There's no bacon in the house, hasn't been for months and months. Aside from this little jar of manna from Heaven.

Speaking of which, Florence folk, clear your calendars. I plan to have a Mystery Host party once I arrive. I haven't settled on a date yet, but I expect you all to be there with your loose pants on.

3 comments:

Corey said...

I'm not going to ignore you :) but I'm also not going to pretend I know how you feel or try and patronize you at all. But what I can do is offer you a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen whenever you need it and I'll pray that the next few weeks go quickly for you all!

Rebecca said...

praying for you and the boys and Sean... can not even begin to imagine! and I would LOVE to see you when you are in Florence and let the kids play together=)

hippo chick said...

As with the others, I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling. I'm so glad your mom is coming and you are getting to go home for awhile.

I just want to say, even thought it might not help at all, I think you are doing a wonderful job.

I saw a young soldier in an ice cream place on Mother's Day and I just wanted to hug him. Instead, I just said, "Thanks." He was so dear as he said, "Thank you, Ma'am". I thought of you and Sean.

I'm praying for your stamina in the coming weeks.

~hippo hugs~