Saturday, June 12, 2010


It's been five months since I kissed a man,
but I've had five months of not having to share kisses from my boys.

It's been five months since I've had an argument over something completely silly,
but I've had five months to figure out that I tend to misplace/misdirect my anger.

It's been five months of no kisses, no hugs, no...Al Green,
but five months of figuring out just how much I took simple gestures for granted.

Five months of bad television and staying up til 2am to get some alone time.
Five months of sleeping on the couch and begging my phone to ring.
Five months of keeping just busy enough not to focus on the passage of time.
Of not discussing the daily stuff with each other.
Of hearing a story on the news, only to have him tell me how closely involved he was the next day.
Five months of emails and feeling like a teenager over the way he signs a "note."
Five months of falling in love with the little things all over again.
Of forgetting what life was like before the deployment and dreaming what it will be like after.

Five months of being a single parent.
Hopefully, this is almost over.

Sean's Wingman told me I've shown real class during the course of this deployment. It was the nicest thing she could've said.

It is what it is. Deployments are just a part of our lives now. What good will complaining about it do? I've had some woe is me days, but for the most part, I am pretty dang proud of myself.

Changing gears:

Mr. T is 14 months today.
He is a little exclamation point lately. He's a biped, for sure. My niece had the phone in her hand today and he yelled, "Lemme talk!" He says, "Gimme dat," and "I want this." His pronunciation is crazy clear and his vocab is far more advanced than the other two at this age. He's stubborn as a mule, he gets that from his father. His hair is turning red, he gets that from his mother.

He likes food and kids and men.
He likes bananas more than anything on the planet and usually eats one with every meal.
He's just figured out what the whole blowing kisses thing is all about and he tends to wipe his hands in his hair while he eats. He likes bubbles and cats and dogs. He forms attachments quickly and isn't scared of much. He loves to be outside and swinging is still pretty high on his fun list. He is much better about riding in the car, but if he decides he's done, he's done. He doesn't like high chairs or sitting still when other people are walking around freely. He doesn't like being passed around. He doesn't like being picked up when he's in the middle of something. He does not like vegetables. He likes computers. He does not yet notice the tv. He's just starting to experiment with biting and hitting. I have a nice toothy bruise on the top of my leg. In his defense, I was a lil slow handing over a bit of calzone this eve.

He misses his Daddy. I can see it when we're around other men. Like he's trying to figure out if they're him.

I miss him, too.

On that note, Sean has been a little down lately. He's just ready to come home. If anyone reading cares to send him a little note of encouragement, just a little "thinking about ya" kinda thing: his first and last name @ I know it would mean a lot to him.


Kimberly White said...

sending you a cyber hug. Hope the time flies until you can kiss him again. (and how can T be 14 months old already ... then again Olivia is almost 6 months old!)

beth said...

still praying for all of you.