F, on the way home from school: "My teacher had to have a talk with me today."
Me: "What did you do?"
F: "Nothing. She just wanted to know if Nova is gonna be my girlfriend now."
Me: "And you told her, 'I'm five. I don't have a girlfriend.' Right?"
Conversation resumes upon returning home.
Me: "You're five years old. Five year olds aren't old enough to have boyfriend and girlfriends. Everybody is our friend when we're five."
F: "Okay...except for Ellie. She's my girlfriend."
Me: "Not even Ellie. She can be your friend and Nova can be your friend. You're not going to have a girlfriend yet. You're too little for all those complications."
F: "Unless they're five, too. Then they can be my girlfriend."
Me: "No, Felix. Eeeeeeeeeverybody can be your friend."
F: "But Ellie's five and she has a boyfriend."
Me: "Who's her boyfriend?"
Yes, having children is exhausting.
Me, trying again: "The whole point of this conversation is that if you are still young enough to have a Kool-aid mustache, you are not old enough to have a girlfriend."
F: "Okay," he says, taking another swig, "I'll just have a Kool-aid mustache."
He walked away grinning the grin of a boy that thinks his mother knows nothing.