Friday, July 22, 2011

overwhelmed or control freak?

disorganized or not enough hours in the day?
bake or pack?
cry or blog?

I can at least answer the last one.

I need a second to just sit and type and hear the rhythm of the computer keys.

Every day brings new info about school and deployments and moving and I honestly can't even keep track of it all.

I do know we have to be out of this house in eight days, earlier if I can humanly manage as the situation is just (big sigh) not okay. Stressful was the word of the week last week. I can't even think of an appropriate word for this week. As much as we've moved, you'd think this would be nothing, but there are a lot of other things factoring in to this move that are making it quite overwhelming.

I do know Sean deploys. We know the when and the where and the how. We don't know if he'll make it back in time for school.

I do know we're going to be staying in Mack for a while.

I do know that one person can help or hurt an already bad situation and I do hope that one person eventually realizes just how much they have hurt.

I do know that two people can truly alleviate a huge chunk of stress and fortunately, they happen to be our neighbors. I hope they realize just how much we appreciate them.

I do know that there is a huge chance Sean will be going to school in Maryland.  Just typing that sentence makes my heart hurt. Before, it was all rumors and through the grapevine, now it's pretty much set in stone. If he gets back in time. If he gets in. There are a whole lotta IFS surrounding school right now. So long as he gets those four little letters behind his name, it will work out, I just wanted to stay here a bit longer. Such is the life, I guess.

I do know that being pissed off about a situation makes one a ruthless, super efficient, speedy packer. I tackled my office last night...not fun, but at least it's getting done.

I do know that I am sick and tired of people walking all over me and a lot more of my mama is coming out in me.

I do know that renting is a horrible necessity sometimes.

I do know that if I am ever a landlord again, I will treat my tenants with respect and common courtesy.
I've heard myself say, "It's just been one of those days" for quite a few days now and it's kinda turning into a theme. I'm really trying not to focus on the negative.

This morning, for instance, I was minus two kids while running some errands. I could not snap out of the funk I've been  in & out of for days. The bad mood was elevated by listening to talk radio and when I reached the point of saying out loud, "What is happening to my country?!" I changed stations. K-Love was neither positive, nor encouraging, just repetitive. I flipped to my last go-to station and didn't realize what song was playing, but stayed put due to distracting traffic. I was scowling hard enough to take a mental note of the permanent scowl lines forming in my forehead when it hit me like a ton of bricks, the chorus...

I got a decent chuckle out of it and took note to not be so evil. I started laughing which led to crying. I figured a good pity me cry was in order and thought a few shed tears would do me some good. Then I couldn't stop. As that song ended, Lean on Me came on. I can typically ignore the cheese factor of Lean on Me, but in my already weepy state I was in full agreement with Bill Withers today.

I walked into the Container Store all puffy and red, but was in a happy place for the rest of my errands. Except at Toys R Us where I had to stop in for several birthday presents. Why does it never fail that the rudest of all humanity congregate in what is supposed to be such a happy place?

I do know this will all be over soon.
I do know this is a means to an end.
I do know it is important to laugh along the way.

And maybe cry a little, too.

1 comment:

Corey said...

awe. I've been thinking about you a lot the past couple days. I know this is tough. I so wish I could be there to help you. At least watch your kids for you while you do whatever you need to do. Or bring you a coffee. :)
So does the IF school in Maryland mean no Travis AFB??!! :(
Well, just know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you. I wish there was something I could do. Give me a call if you just need a vent, Ok? {{hugs}}