Wednesday, October 12, 2011

anxious

The closer it gets to November, the more anxious I find myself to JUST GET ON WITH IT.
With what? I don't know. We don't know. Most of the time I'm okay with that, but there are days(like today) that I really just want a teensy little glimpse into my own future.

Sean had a phone interview with the school in Maryland the other day. The phone interview that I thought would bring so many answers. Nope, more questions.

If I could just know where we'll spend Christmas.
If I could just know if he's deploying or not.
If I could just know if he's going to school.
If I could just know where he's going to school.
If I could just know when he's going to school.
If I could just know to start looking for a house or not.
If I could just know how long we really need to stay here.
If I could just know if I should get excited about seeing my family.
If I could just...fill in any one of the million blanks swimming through my head.

Trying to be content in the moment. In the now without the know. Easier said than done, I'm afraid.

Funny, this one song keeps popping up. At the Chapel. On Pandora. It's not as if it's a popular song. I haven't heard it in years and years, but I am a sucker for old hymns. It popped up again today, in the car. At the end, Simon goes, "Well, that was a pretty song." It is.



Oh for grace to trust Him more.

Sean came home with a tale someone told him. They were telling him about less than ethical ways other people have gotten out of deployments.

"Are you asking because you think God needs your help?"-me
"Be gone with your godly counsel, Woman!"-him

He has too much character to do things like that. He knows God is bigger than any situation. When I asked him, "Is God who you say He is?" His reply, "Of course," ended the conversation.

I trust that Sean will go to school when he's supposed to. He will deploy when he is supposed to. I trust that God's got it all under control whether it's exactly what I plan for or not. He's never failed me before.

Tis so sweet. Even if I live Mark 9:24 over and over. It's my mantra more days than not.

"I do believe! Help me to overcome my unbelief!"

3 comments:

Jude said...

I cannot imagine the anxiety of not knowing until the last minute. that would make me nutsy.
Love the conversation you two had!

Brown English Muffin said...

Chrissy with so many unanswered questions how do you keep it together day by day?

Do you just focus on what you do have answers to?

Do you focus on what blessings you do have in life?

Just curious...

Corey said...

I thought I had commented on this one and apparently I hadn't! Sorry!
Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about this very thing lately. Faith. Really that's what anxiety is, isn't it? a lack of faith? I'm not saying this to bring you down, only to say I struggle with it---like a LOT. It's so hard to let go and let God just do His thing. Even though you know in your heart that He's got this. {talking to myself here} He's testing us. Testing our faith.
It would kill me to be in your position...to not know the things you don't. Please don't think I'm in any way judging your own faith.I know you have it!
Anyway, I'm kind of rambling on. But I hope you get what I'm trying to say. That it may sound cliche, but it will all work out the way it supposed to. I pray that His Will will be done! {hugs!}