The closer it gets to November, the more anxious I find myself to JUST GET ON WITH IT.
With what? I don't know. We don't know. Most of the time I'm okay with that, but there are days(like today) that I really just want a teensy little glimpse into my own future.
Sean had a phone interview with the school in Maryland the other day. The phone interview that I thought would bring so many answers. Nope, more questions.
If I could just know where we'll spend Christmas.
If I could just know if he's deploying or not.
If I could just know if he's going to school.
If I could just know where he's going to school.
If I could just know when he's going to school.
If I could just know to start looking for a house or not.
If I could just know how long we really need to stay here.
If I could just know if I should get excited about seeing my family.
If I could just...fill in any one of the million blanks swimming through my head.
Trying to be content in the moment. In the now without the know. Easier said than done, I'm afraid.
Funny, this one song keeps popping up. At the Chapel. On Pandora. It's not as if it's a popular song. I haven't heard it in years and years, but I am a sucker for old hymns. It popped up again today, in the car. At the end, Simon goes, "Well, that was a pretty song." It is.
Oh for grace to trust Him more.
Sean came home with a tale someone told him. They were telling him about less than ethical ways other people have gotten out of deployments.
"Are you asking because you think God needs your help?"-me
"Be gone with your godly counsel, Woman!"-him
He has too much character to do things like that. He knows God is bigger than any situation. When I asked him, "Is God who you say He is?" His reply, "Of course," ended the conversation.
I trust that Sean will go to school when he's supposed to. He will deploy when he is supposed to. I trust that God's got it all under control whether it's exactly what I plan for or not. He's never failed me before.
Tis so sweet. Even if I live Mark 9:24 over and over. It's my mantra more days than not.
"I do believe! Help me to overcome my unbelief!"