Thursday, October 06, 2011

on the military & brothers

I don’t hate the military. Well, maybe sometimes. Every once in a while, when I’m mad at everything in the world, the military fits in there.

The military takes my husband for months at a time.  The military takes my helper. The father. The partner in all things dishwashing, cooking, lawn care/RV care(depending…), childcare. The military takes my friends from their families. My friends from me, far away. It takes me from my family.
When I was a kid, the military took away my friends, took me from my friends. The military didn’t allow me to know my cousins. The military made my grandmas people we saw on “vacation.” The trend continues. My kids don’t get to go to the movies with the rest of the grandkids. My kids don’t get sleepovers with their cousins.
The military takes my peace of mind A LOT.
On the flip side, the military does give back.
The military gave me San Antonio and all that lies within that statement. It gave me tougher skin. It gives me a feeling of belonging. The military allows for a sense of adventure in the not knowing anything about your own future. The military gives a sense of security.

I've recently started attending a...thing(not really sure what to call it. Kind of a Bible study of sorts, but fun) at the chapel on post. The only reason I went was the mention of a homeschool group. Most military homeschoolers are on the normal side. There are always exceptions. Anyhow, meeting this mix of women has been more awesome that I anticipated. I've been to only one military wives function. "Never. Again." I believe is what I uttered then? Either way, I'm glad I took another crack at this being a military wife thing. I do belong. I need to be around other likeminded women who deal with the things only military wives deal with. It's been good. I hope I get just a little more time here.

The chapel is entirely sterile. State run religion at best. Luckily, it's a great group of women that have minds of their own. It's not as robotic as I initially feared. The whole time we're doing stuff in the main sanctuary(or whatever they call it in military terms), I waiver between laughing and crying. Laughing because I'm awkward and out of place and crying when I picture my brother, a chaplain in the Navy, having to preach in such an environment.
When I think of all the things the military has taken from me, my brother is at the very top of that list. I don't suppose we're all that different from most grown siblings that live on different sides of the world . He's on my mind a lot, but I haven't physically seen my brother in years. I talk to my sister every single day on the phone, but I honestly can't remember the last time I spoke to my brother. That's sad, right? I mean, it shouldn't be like that. I would be heartbroken if my boys end up like that.

I don't know if it's so much the military that has caused that to happen or just life. Circumstances. Kids. Time zones. The fact that we aren't sisters, but brother and sister. It's a different dynamic as far as relationships go. But I love my brother. I have a soft spot for him. He's the underdog, always. The guy can never catch a break. When you hear the phrase, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" That's him. It's rumored that his theme song is, "I'm a Little Black Rain Cloud." Ah crap, I listened as I linked and now I'm a touch weepy.

Anyways, I know he doesn't read my blog. Maybe every once in a while he catches up, checks in to see what his little sister is up to. If you do, know that I miss you. I hope to see you one day soon now that you're back on my side of the world.

I know I can never give you as awesome a present as the one you got at four(that would be me, the little sister you always wanted), but know that I'm thinkin' of ya. Happy Birthday & Welcome Home!


Jude said...

i hope he reads it :)

Corey said...

as an only child, sometimes it's hard for me to relate to things concerning siblings. But as a mother of 2...I pray mine have at least this kind of love for each other as they grow older.