Sunday, September 23, 2012

Jesus paid it all

I love my church. Have I mentioned that? I love my preacher. I love the people I go to church with. I love the music. I love the smiles. I love the diversity. I love the little, old couple that we always manage to sit near, Mr. Fred and his wife. I can't remember her name but she reminds me of a 70 year old Latoya(a friend from high school). They are both always smiling and just ooze the joy of the Lord. I love that we are members and that everyone has welcomed us so quickly into the fold. People remember our names and greet us with a recognition we haven't had in a long, long time. We feel like we really belong. I cry pretty much every Sunday when I count down how much time we have left here. I cry about the music, too. In the interest of full disclosure, I cry during the sermon, multiple times. My Sundays are keeping Kleenex afloat during these tough economic times, I assure you.

I was doing really well keeping it together today. Usually I've had a good cry before worship has really even begun. Today, though, I did awesome. Until Mr. Fred sat down in his chair. I couldn't hear him singing when he was standing. With him sitting down, I could hear him belting out "Just As I Am," just off tune enough to make me think of my Grandma.

The preaching was stellar, as usual. The sermon was about the wisdom of God vs. the wisdom of man. The preacher spoke about seeing things as God intends. Something struck a chord with me.

On the way home, things started to unravel. By the time we made it through the front door, I was dealing with things on the inside that were making their way out in less than favorable ways. My breaking point was realizing the pumpkin I bought for my lunch recipe was funky. Sean said something wrong, the kids were being loud and my pumpkin was FUNKY.

I slung some pumpkin slime on the counter, said something snotty to Sean and marched down the hall to our room. Slamming the door didn't make me feel better. Having a good long sob about who knows what didn't help.

Sean never gives up. Nevereverever. He doesn't listen when I tell him to go away. He doesn't listen when I tell him to leave me alone. He is a patient/stubborn man. And I love him for it. :) Maybe not in the moment, but definitely after the fact. He finally got me talking. He helped me figure out that my problem is one that I struggle with from time to time. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in it. I hope I'm not.

I think sometimes I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting to receive what I feel is due me. Why is my life not as bad as the next guys? Why does my husband not have cancer? Why do I have three healthy kids when some people have none? Or worse, have sick kids? I am nothing special. I know people that have worse things happen to them that are way more righteous than I. So what's coming? When? How? I've been reading Job. Is it obvious?

My husband, in all his wisdom, simply said, "God is not spiteful. You will never get what you deserve because Jesus already got it."

I know that. I know it, I know it, I know it. But sometimes...I am so unworthy. What I am living for is not worth what Christ died for. I'm selfish, I'm lazy, I'm not always obedient to the will of God. The list goes on.

Sean had a patient once with terminal cancer. He was on his way home to die. This sweet, old judge, a man of God told him, "What's for me is for me. What's for you is for you." That came back into our conversation today. The point being, people are tested in different ways. People are blessed in different ways. Like Job, I want to be able to say, shall I accept good from God and not bad?

I am so thankful that salvation has so little to do with us. It was Jesus who lived the sinless life. It was Jesus who died on the cross, was buried, rose again and sits at the right hand of God. It was God who opened my eyes. It was God who called me to salvation. It was God who showed me what sin is. It was God who showed me what forgiveness is. The ability to reconcile with Him, that's not of me.

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."Romans 5:8

I hear the Savior say,
Thy strength indeed is small!
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all

Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete
Jesus died my soul to save
My lips shall still repeat

Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

Anyways, that's what was on my heart today. I'm so thankful God has given us this time at Montrose Baptist Church. I am so grateful we can sit under the teaching of Pastor Fentress. I get chills when I think about the blessing it is to sit under the teaching of such a man of God. It is seriously like listening to Charles Spurgeon or Leonard Ravenhill. One of the greats. He is definitely one of the greats. His name will go down in history. If in no other history than my own.


Jude said...

lovely :)

Dr. L said...

I just read this. It made me smile. Thank you too! Now I reaaaally want to drive down one Saturday and go to church with you guys. Soon.

Anonymous said...

I totally understand. I know it will be hard to leave there. I have no desire to relocate anywhere else either; I have found my home church and I'm not leaving. You will find another church at your next station; just look for Calvary Chapel. Love, Mom (Audie)