Wednesday, November 14, 2012

my baby

Sometimes, I get a little sad thinking about my baby not being my baby anymore. 

It makes me tear up when one of his phases ends and I can't even remember when. Like him calling Felix 'Wheat.' I have no clue when that stopped. 
I get choked up when I can't hold him very comfortably on my lap because the one to come is fighting him for lap space already.
I get anxious, wondering if he'll stop wanting to tell me every little thing that pops into his head. Or if I'll hear him over his baby brothers screaming.
 But then he smiles like this. He adjusts his little, bony butt cheeks however he must to fit on my lap.
 And I snuggle down into his fuzzy little head and I remember...
 I once felt the same anxiety when he took Felix's place as the youngest.
And I remember that Felix grew into a new role, but never lost his identity or rank or role as FEEFS within the family.
I know that this boy will still have his quirks. I know that he will still insist on imported 'white chocolate chips...on the side, not in it' with every bowl of yogurt. Until that phase passes by.
He'll still prefer to wear six different pair of shoes or slippers or socks or Hulk gloves on his feet throughout any given day. Until that phase passes by.

He will still insist on dragging his beet with him every step he takes. Although, he tells me every day that he'll share his beet with his baby.
He'll still be the Titus who asks for his markers every morning, not to draw with, but to sword fight or fish or shoot or drive a tractor with. Until that phase ends and a new one begins.
I figure it's okay that each one of my boys has been my baby for a time. Each one has filled that role and been spoiled in it.

Each one has adjusted to big brotherhood easily and I know my baby will, too.


Anonymous said...

Love it! I constantly ask T if he is my baby and he says yes before his father corrects him and says he is a big boy. I just want the baby in him a little longer!

Jude said...

thanks for making me cry. jerk.