Thursday, February 07, 2013

beastly

I have reached that stage of pregnancy that makes me laugh. Constantly. And cry. Constantly.

A few nights ago, Sean not-so-gently woke me from a dead sleep with, "SCOOT. OVER. GAH."

I have been busting his chops about it ever since. Whilst defending himself, he mentioned I was snoring directly into his ear. I blame that on pregnancy, too. I only snore when I'm completely exhausted. I told him last night that if I fell asleep on the couch to just leave me. I woke up at 4:50 a.m. with my heart a-thumping. I was dreaming that someone was standing over me about to kill me, growling. The growling turned out to be my own snoring. How is that even possible?

I've been a tad stir crazy lately, so I was itching to get out. A few nights ago, the boys and I hobbled through Bye Bye Baby. What a waste of a trip that was. The highlight: catching a glimpse of my reflection in the elevator doors. Oi! I kept turning left and right, left and right, thinking it was like a circus mirror. Surely not.

Prenancy brain has completely taken over. I do stupid things, I'm forgetful, I can't seem to read things in order. For instance, I was determined to make chocolate banana bread. As I reached the last step of the recipe, I thought, "That's it? Something is very wrong with this recipe." And then my eyes alerted me to the five overly ripe bananas still sitting on the counter. "What?! It never told me to add the bananas! This is the dumbest recipe ever. How did the author leave out the part to add bananas in a banana bread recipe?" I had to read it three times before I saw the "Add bananas" very clearly stated in step two. The sad part...it was a three step recipe.

Yesterday, our adventures took us to the mall. I usually avoid shopping malls, but this one has a fun **game store(best store ever for little thinkers) that I knew the kids would love. I was out of breath before we'd even made it to the entrance of the mall. It's a typical state lately, so I wasn't bothered by that so much. It was after having been in several stores and realizing the button in the middle of my shirt had worked itself loose that bothered me. That's beastly. Just...beastly.

Having rebuttoned, I opted to stop for a coffee. We'd run out the door to a doctor's appointment and I hadn't had any. It was my excuse for not realizing I'd come undone in the shirt department. The icing on my I'm-a-beast cake was having one little drop of coffee land on my belly. That drop almost pushed me right over the edge. Once upon a time, y'see, that drop would've fallen to the ground. Nourished the land beneath. Blessed the mall carpeting with the sweet aroma of coffee. Today, it landed on my malfunctioning shirt, leaving a stain to endure forever and remind me that my stomach gave it no choice but to land there, on it's island of bulge.

**After our first trip through the store, I mentioned to the man at the register, "I can pretty much guarantee we'll be back." I knew the boys wouldn't pass by it again without begging. The place makes me a bit nervous because all the games are out. They have kid games, but mostly they're puzzle type, strategy, very expensive. I cautioned the boys, "Stores like this aren't tolerant of kids destroying things. Don't break anything." Felix immediately grabbed a $40 wooden robot, cube puzzle. Simon grabbed a giant magnetic ball, made out of 3D trapezoid-ish shapes that you take apart and put back together(In theory. I couldn't get it, but they did.). Titus went for some game that had a million plastic cars. The man at the register seemed cool with them touching stuff, so I cautioned one more time, "Just be mindful of what you're doing..." Big Mama got bored. I gently picked up a ginormous ball made out of magnetic "Y's..." and promptly dropped it on the floor, watching as thousands of magnetic Ys went into every nook and cranny, under every shelf.

I laughed at myself a lot today. As I hoisted myself behind the wheel to begin our trek home, I was quick to notice my arching back and locked elbows. I can't even sit comfortably when I drive? I don't remember this.

"Quit squishing me, Woman!"-I said for baby, as I tried to get comfy in my seat.
"He doesn't know you're not a woman?"-Titus said.
"I'm not a woman? What am I?"-I asked, anticipating a Titus-esque answer.
"You're a lady! A big,..." he began.
"Hey, hey, hey you just stop right there, Mister."-I cut in, not wanting to hear what other very honest opinions might roll from his head.

Still trying to reposition the feet from my ribs, I zoned out a bit as I drove. From the backseat, I heard Titus say, "God is my helper, "to no one in particular.

The laughter and discomfort and thoughts of my bulging belly were immediately replaced with uncontrollable tears.

"I wearned dat at Sunday school, Mommy."
"I learned that, too, Bud."
"Where did you wearn that?" he asked.
"I learn that every single day." I said.

God is my helper and He gave me some pretty awesome help in the form of little boys that keep me cracking up(when I'm not sobbing, that is). I hope none of the above comes across as whiny. Then again, the whole point of this post is to remember what I know pregnancy brain will cause me to forget. I love being pregnant, I'm just more ready than ever to meet this kid. I'm holding my breath(haha. HA. I have no room in my lungs for any of that nonsense), to see if he has curly, red hair. It's a request I put in, but it's a request that's been ignored thrice. I'm okay with it, I just think it would be fun to have a kid that gets something from me besides intense anger towards electronics and right handed-ness. How is it that all of Sean's genes make it and none of mine do?

On that note, pregnancy brain has allowed two boys to escape from the school room and they're being incredibly quiet. Never a good sign...





4 comments:

Corey said...

Just another reminder for me that 2 is probably all I need. :) Pete came into the room the other day all googly eyed after looking at baby pics of Jake. He said he wanted another. I thought about it for a minute...but the thought of carseats and strollers made me almost scream NO!! I don't know why those two things frighten me so much.
Now to think of all those aches and pains at the end...the uncomfortable driving,the belly creeping out from under the maternity shirt, the peeing every 5 minutes...I think I'm good! hahaha!
Oh but I know it's all worth it in the end! There is no greater gift.

rhonda: alpha dog said...

Ah! You can replace the word "pregnancy" with medication. I have had med-brain for years. It's never fun, but always funny. ;-)

You had better not go into tears in front of me, young lady. I don't think I could take it!

Jude said...

wait, you snore?!!? i am now nervous about next weekend. ;) just kidding, I am used to it.
I bet you are tiny compared to most pregnant people, and if you are huge, I will still lie to you and say you aren't when I see you! :)

kimrairdon said...

That store looks really cool! I can just see the look on your face (and your kids) when you dropped that ball! I love it when God sends his messages to us through our kids :)

I've left the bananas out of banana bread before as well :) As well as the flour out of cake....odds are I was probably pregnant at that time so you can just blame it on the baby belly :)

I can't wait to see you!