Tuesday, August 26, 2014


1-The other night at dinner, as I watched Jude shovel his food in, I could do nothing but shake my head. Wasn't I just nursing him through every meal? Wasn't I just wishing he would be big enough to sit at the table and feed himself? Four kids in, I know how it works, yet I still have to learn that lesson over and over and over again: stop wishing time away.

2-We're almost done with August?! Did the world skip July this year? As I look ahead to all that is coming between now and December, I think, "Didn't we just get to Dayton?" 

3-Back in January, I started a 90-day reading plan to complete the entire Bible. Day 90 came and went quite a bit ago, but as we're just over half way through the year, I'm just over halfway through the Bible. I feel a sense of accomplishment, but more than that, I'm eager to dive in each day. 

4-My mind has been on Iraq lately. My heart, completely shattered as I read about these poor children being massacred for their faith. I try to imagine it and just can't even grasp the reality. It baffles me that people try to lump all religions together. It's not so often you hear of people beheading children in the name of Christ. 

Sean and I were discussing the very issue today. That's when it goes beyond putting on some version of a "Sunday best" and kickin' it with the organ. That's when it gets real. It makes me so angry at the (little c) church. It's makes me resentful towards all the lets-build-a-bazillion-$-church-and-call-it-a-miracle churches. It makes me huff and puff about all the hypocrisy. I lump myself in when I say, "You think you have problems?!" I want to scream it from the rooftops:


5-I'm reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. I really could quote the whole book, it's that good, but this is what I read today that struck a chord. I read it in an English accent. It makes it that much better. I blame Downton Abbey. 

"In God you come up against something that is in every respect immeasurably superior to yourself. Unless you know God as that – and, therefore, know your-self as nothing in comparison – you do not know God at all. As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.
     That raises a terrible question. How is it that people who are quite obviously eaten up with Pride can say they believe in God and appear to themselves very religious? I am afraid it means they are worshiping an imaginary God. They theoretically admit themselves to be nothing in the presence of this phantom God, but are really all the time imagining how He approves of them and thinks they are far better than ordinary people. They pay a pennyworth of imaginary humility to Him and get out of it a pound’s worth of Pride towards their fellowmen. I suppose it was of those people Christ was thinking when He said that some would preach about Him and cast out devils in His name, only to be told at the end of the world that He had never known them. And any of us may at any moment be in this death trap. Luckily, we have a test. Whenever we find that our religious life is making us feel that we are good – above all, that we are better than someone else – I think we may be sure that we are being acted on, not by God, but by the devil. The real test of being in the presence of God is that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small, dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself altogether. It is a terrible thing that the worst of all the vices can smuggle itself into the very centre of our religious life. But you can see why. The other, and less bad, vices come from the devil working on us through our animal nature. But this does not come through our animal nature at all. It comes direct from Hell. It is purely spiritual: consequently it is far more subtle and deadly. For the same reason, Pride can often be used to beat down the simpler vices. Teachers, in fact, often appeal to a boy’s Pride, or, as they call it, his self-respect, to make him behave decently: many a man has overcome cowardice, or lust, or ill-temper by learning to think that they are beneath his dignity–that is, by Pride."

6-Jude has decided to boycott naps lately. Yesterday, in a desperate attempt, I rocked him for a bit and then pretended to be asleep in his chair. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and then slithered down to the floor. I heard his little feet slap towards his door and stop in the doorway. He ran back in his room, reached through the bars of his crib, grabbed his blanket and covered me up with it before heading back towards his door. At that point I melted, snatched him up for another kiss, and followed him from the room. He won the nap battle yesterday.

7-We have a butterfly bush in our backyard that has brought hours of joy to all of us. I will have a butterfly bush at every house from now on. Many a meal is interrupted by flutter-bys. Our homeowner gave us a book of butterflies when we moved in and Felix likes to investigate and report back his findings about each type of butterfly. 

8-House hunting has been a bit discouraging. There are so many factors that play into getting a house that are out of our control. EVERY aspect is hinged upon the military. The loan, the timing, even the realtor has said, "As soon as you get your orders..." It's annoying. Houses are disappearing from my favorites list daily. I imagine all the good homes will be snatched up by the time we get there. That said, buying a house in (October or) November (or December or possibly even January) may just put the ball in our court, negotiating-wise. Our dream home is still on the market, but who knows if we'll get there in time. I'm not anxious about it, but I get frustrated. I know the perfect house is there waiting for us. I know God is bigger than orders and timing and the housing market, but sometimes my pride and attitude get in the way of that knowledge.

9-"I'm ready to ride, Mom," he said. 

10-Thanks to all who went through the hassle of signing in to read my blog. I should've made it private years ago. Due to some recent issues, I thought about deleting it altogether. It was when posting Titus's learning to ride pictures and referencing my blog from when Simon learned to ride a bike that discouraged me from pulling the plug. There are too many memories here. I had a huge upswing in hits a few days before I made it private. Something about the high numbers validated me, just a little. But...this blog isn't for other people, certainly not strangers. I'm glad I now know exactly who's reading. 

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