Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Focus

"That was probably ten or fifteen years ago," she said.
"More like twenty five or thirty," he corrected.
"Oh yeah," she laughed, with a faraway look on her face.

.....

"This is the best time of your life. I know sometimes it might not seem like it, but it really, really is," said as she looked on at Jude struggling to get down and bolt in the antique store.

.....

While noticing how easily Simon's feet rest on the ground when he's sitting upright in a chair...
While talking to my sister about my nephew's upcoming graduation from high school...
While cooking dinner the other night and wondering what it will be like to cook when all my chickens have flown the coop...
While praying for their future...
While talking to anybody who has run the race of raising kids...

.....

It's been hitting me a lot lately. Constant reminders that my boys are growing up. Quickly. Maybe it's that we've spent the last few years hurrying time up. Wishing we could be on the other side of school, or a move, or another move. And now we're here. Done. Settled(sorta). Maybe it's knowing there won't be any more babies. Maybe it's seeing a horrible situation from the outside and wondering, "What will their life look like next year and five years from now and twenty years from now?"

I try to focus on the here and now. Sometimes it's tough when the now is all repetitive, seemingly pointless tasks. A dumped cup of cereal. A poop diaper. Reviewing World War 1 facts. Again again again. They eat as a state of being. It never stops. Someone always wants food.

I get frustrated by the little stuff that has absolutely no significance. Today, it was that the asparagus fries I bought from the frozen section at Trader Joe's looked nothing like the picture on the front. I don't buy frozen food much, perhaps this is normal. I was so ticked.

I was frustrated because every yard appliance we've bought lately has turned out to be a Made in China piece of crap that falls apart with one use. Today is was the big shop vac. We upgraded from the small piece of crap to the large piece of crap. It has three more extensions, a longer hose, wheels and cost $40 more to do nothing. It wouldn't suck the beach sand out of my floor mats. So freaking frustrating.

And then Jude will walk up and stick his finger in my belly button...
Or Felix and Titus will accidentally get along for a second...
Or Simon will ask me if there's anything he can do to help me...
Or they'll remember some really significant thing that I've taught them...
Or Felix will ask a question about God that I can't answer, causing me to seek...

This matters. This daily, insignificant activity is so, so significant. When the end comes, this is what matters. When trouble hits our household, this is the glue that will hold us together. We can weather the storms of life because of the little. The stuff comes and goes. Things break. So what? Kids poop, kids eat, kids dump stuff. Who cares? Sand in the car is evidence of an awesome day. Frozen food saved time and didn't taste that bad, despite the false advertising of the package.

I have a husband that's at stubborn as me, who lets me get away with nothing.
I have four healthy boys, what do I have to complain about?
I got hit on by a pizza deliver guy recently, I mean, I am a lucky girl. ;) Just had to slip that in there. True story. He may have been driving a moped, but he clearly has good taste in women and decent pick up lines.

In all seriousness, these really are the days and I'm hoping I can let the trivial stuff go and focus.



1 comment:

Jude said...

Love it!