Thursday, September 08, 2016

A way with words...

My day started over the phone with my favorite sister. After we'd said our tenth good-bye, I really had to get off the phone. I explained with an,  "(UGHSIGH), they're fighting over deli meat." Not even joking. If the offender who selfishly piled the last four slices of ham on his sandwich had been in the room, the verbal altercation would've escalated to fisticuffs. My sister assured me, while in a fit of giggles, that girl moms do not have to break up fights over deli meat. Hmph.


After repairing a pair of brand, spanking new shorts that received a seven inch rip in the buttock,

"Aw, man. I wanted you to sew a poop emoji over the rip."

He wasn't a fan of the delicate zig zag stitch that perfectly camouflaged a rip that should've landed those shorts in the trash. The zig zag stitch in a color of thread that so perfectly matched the fabric that it was worth the hassle of accidentally knocking three rows of thread from the display case. Do you know what thread does when it rolls under the display rack at Walmart? It picks up hair. Walmartian hair.

Speaking of which, we saw a grown (hairy) human dressed as Pokemon last time we were there. I guess the adult size Pokemon robe is technically on fleck. Yeah, fleek autocorrects to fleck because even a computer knows it's not a word.


Felix was helping Titus with an assignment the other day. From the kitchen I overhead him explaining the fill in the blank, "In the blank, blank made the blank and the blank." Titus, the master stall tactician,

"Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't speak blankety-blank."


Simon drilled some holes into four seashells and put 'em on a string for me to wear as a necklace. Felix said he should've done 6 to include one for Sean and I. Titus interjected,

"No, there are seven of us! Remember the baby that died? The baby girl mom had?"

Thanks for remembering, Kiddo.


A conversation with a fellow homeschool mom that has me chuckling...

How early is too early for a glass of wine?

Breakfast wine is acceptable if you homeschool.

Can I print that on a mug?

I think a coffee mug printing might get us banned from the homeschool society at large.

Homeschoolers are like Baptists, they hide their drinking well.

Could you imagine showing up at a co-op with that printed on your mug?!?

Have you ever seen a denim skirt withOUT deep pockets? Hmmm???


After having to watch a Bill Nye video for his science class,

"My eyeballs want to commit suicide. That was the worst video I've ever seen."


Road trip gems, all Sean:

After hearing, "I have to pee again," after having just stopped..."It's magic. We turned 4 liters of water into 18 gallons of pee."

"Shut. Up. This is not evening at the improv. Go to sleep!"

Sean singing, "Ya gotta have faith, fuh-faith, fuh-faith. Hm. How awkward would that be to sing at church?" 

Sean singing Adele 550 miles into the trip.

Always the health professional, certain aromas brought medical conditions to mind. "Was that one of you? Seriously, I need to know. That is so awful."

"If you don't knock it off right now, I'm going to find everything in this car that you hold dear and throw it out the window."

After stopping at a rest stop at 2 a.m. "Open the damn door before I get shanked in the parking lot!"

His lectures and rants typically bring stifled laughter from all. 


A picture from a recent trip that I almost deleted. It cracks me up, so it stays. I'm not sure where the whirling dervish connected, but the victim is obvious. I hope they recreate this picture one day. 

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