Tuesday, May 16, 2017

16 years

I realized tonight that I have been invested in one man for over half my life. Actually, half my life plus a year. I remind him often that he stole my youth. He has soaked up all of my best years. I usually say it jokingly, but I sincerely hope that he agrees. I hope he thinks of them as his best years, too. 

I know what you are all thinking. I seem much too young to have been married sixteen years. Maybe nobody is thinking that. I hope somebody is thinking that, geez. 

Anyway, yes. We were young and dumb when we got married. Well, I was young and dumb; Sean's always been pretty smart. By the grace of God Almighty, through the stubbornness of two of the thickest headed people ever created, and amidst tons of laughter...here we are. 

I asked Sean tonight, "What has been the best and worst moments of our marriage, to you?"
He replied, "This feels like a trick question."
I smiled.
"Yep, definitely a trick question."-Smart man

I wasn't going to let him off the hook, so I cocked my eyebrow and sipped my latte. My latte that totally had a FACE in it. Do you see the Japanese Santa?! The bubbles make the eyes, the little rounded nose and a full, swirly beard. 

When I looked at him a little harder, I noticed, "Are you getting misty eyed?! Are you seriously CRYING?" I awwwwwwwww-ed for a second and he quickly interjected, "It's indigestion." I laughed, "Well it is the best answer ever." He asked for my phone and typed the answer into a note. 

His reply was:

The worst moment was when it felt like it was over and the best moment was when I realized it wasn't.

I didn't expect such a reply when I asked the question. I was expecting something a little easier. The births of our children, finishing school, surviving 50,000 moves. The easy stuff. For the hard stuff, the loss of our baby, moving to Japan, getting through school and 50,000 moves. 

The truth is that marriage is hard. It's not all sunshine and lollipops. It's hard when you're in the midst of something and you're looking at this person you vowed to carry on with until death and you calculate if a felony conviction might just be worth completing the thoughts in your head. 

Marriage has some pretty amazing highs, but the lows are that much more crushing. Moving to Japan was hard. It was the hardest thing we've been through. I thought losing the baby was it, but we were together in and through that. Japan pushed us apart. We fought horribly. The stress was too much and we feared our circumstances more than we feared God. Honestly, there were many times I threw out a, "Have fun in Japan ON YOUR OWN!" Satan took the foothold we gave and stepped right into it with a pick axe. He blindsided us with things we didn't know to be watching for. Fiery darts were coming faster than we could block them. I am so thankful our marriage survived the move. There were many, many times I didn't think it would. The low, dark times make those mountain tops seem even brighter. 

We are stubborn. He is Sean and I am a redhead. I know I seem sweet and docile, but the very first nickname Sean gave me was, "Bruiser." Unfortunately for him, he's usually the only one to see the solar flares of my temper. Neither one of us is willing to throw in the towel. It can be a bad thing, but not always. In/For marriage, we aren't giving up. He knows too much about me, at this point. I have invested way too much in him and he in me. We really are better together. I choose him, every day. Even on the really crappy ones when I want to punch him in the face, he's the one. I can't wait to see where another 16 years lands us. 
*Dear Husband: Real pictures required. We can do this the easy way or the hard way, but some which-a way, there will be dressing up and shutter clicks. 

**Our actual anniversary is on the 19th, but he's working. We went out tonight to celebrate. We got super turned around in Tachikawa Station at 5:30 pm and could not figure out how to exit the stupid train station. Not going in the right direction anyway. Every other time I've been there, I've driven. Taking the train in was a tad different and the 8 stories of shops that look identical while dodging Japanese rush hour train riders...it was not awesome. We finally made it to Bic Camera and the man did right by me. He got me a new camera bag, another battery, and a rain cover(said with an awwwwww in my voice). On Friday, I get to learn how to take pictures of the Milky Way at the base of Mt. Fuji. Yuuup. 

1 comment:

almadecolor said...

Nice, raw description of realistic marriage. :-) Not sure I can quite see your Japanese Santa, though I'm pretty sure I saw a goat with an excellent goatee....and also quite certain he had a wolf spider with bubble eyes on his neck....