Friday, June 22, 2018

Mock Maternity Pictures

Once upon a time(last Saturday), I asked for maternity pictures. Someone else's version of this incident might go something like, "demanded pictures," but I'm the one telling this story. 

My reasons for requesting pictures on that exact day...well, I have a whole list of them. 
1-It's my last pregnancy.

2-I haven't asked for family pictures at all during this entire pregnancy. 

3-The going rate for maternity pictures here: $300+. I reasoned that I could do them for free with a tripod and a bit of cooperation from these people.

4-Time is of the essence. I've reached that miserably fat stage and every day more back fat appears and who wants their pictures taken once they've reached that stage? I don't want to look "Over it" or "Good Lord, she is done," in my pictures. I want to look glowing, maternal, content; Madonna-esque, if you will. Side note: I had a Japanese cashier ask me the other day, "How pregnant? 9 month? 10 month?" I laughed(not hard). NINE months gestation is universal, lady. 

5- Two weeks in a row, we are farming kids out to various camps. Two weeks in pregnancy terms makes a huge difference. Waiting until kids were back from camp was not a logical option in my opinion.

6- I got my hair done on Friday and it was still looking fresh and perfect on Saturday. Sean has been married to me for a hundred years; he should know by now how temperamental my hair is. Good hair days are not guaranteed. 

7. The ultimate reason for wanting pictures done last Saturday is because Saturdays aren't insanely crowded off base. I even asked to go somewhere super local. I didn't ask for Mount Fuji. I didn't ask for anything that involved driving long distances or paying huge tolls. I mean, really, I am the picture of rational. 

When I get my way. 
Saturday, I did not get my way. 

Sunday I got my way. Off we went to my chosen spot-a typically abandoned pagoda. Sunday it was not abandoned. Sunday is was full of baseball fans headed to the Lions game. I have neverevereverever seen so many people at that exact spot. We gave up pretty quickly, but ended up trying a second time later that evening. A forgotten tripod and a traffic jam had me throwing my hands up.

As everyone was dressed in somewhat coordinating clothes, I said, "Screw it. Go to the backyard. Say a word, any one of you, I dare you."

And that's how we ended up with maternity pictures taken against the back wall of our cell. For some reason, I have a feeling this little experience will go down in our family history as a memorable one. 

Last Sunday also happened to be Father's Day. I'm pretty sure I never uttered words of well wishes to the Father of all these children, but I tend to do a pretty good job of showing appreciation on a majority of the rest of the days of the year. 

The dogs started acting the fool at some point during this little photo shoot. This is my, "I will taxidermy you, Ruby" face. 

We have a love/hate relationship, Rubes and I. 

And this one. The one where everybody is looking and everybody has a normal smile and I have no neck rolls...This is the shot that ensured I will be getting another go at the pagoda pictures. :)

I know sneezes can't be controlled, but I'm pretty sure I still had something to say. According to my beloved, I always have something to say. 

Sometimes when I look at my boys, it's like watching Sean as Benjamin Button or the evolution of man with Jude being the tiny monkey and Sean being the full grown ape. I am so very curious to see what kind of girl we have created. I may have told Sean today that I hope she doesn't come out looking like the missing link. 

Look at all those chin dimples. And I'd only just come to terms with the fact that Simon is taller than me and now Felix is as well. It is fascinating to watch a boy grow into a man. 

As always, I go a few pictures past their willingness and one of them just walks away as I try in vain to call them back. 

I doubt any of these will make it to canvas, but I love how hard we laughed in an attempt to get just one decent picture.

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