blahg, blahg, blahg

found

2012-01-28T23:10:00.000-05:00

One old Rebel.In the trunk.
Buried.

A card full of pictures from Sean's deployment and the week he came home.

Memories.
Details forgotten.
Perspective.

Desire(for another baby). Just being honest. Look at him! So bald, so chubby, so wittle. It's the finger dimples! Is there a woman on the planet that can deny the heart tug of finger dimples? *sigh*

An unending amount of film for this little boy.

75,000 pictures of the cat. (I have more pictures of that furry butt than I do of his siblings. What's the Freudian meaning behind that one?)
A partner in documentation.
Help with Project Life.

Things noticed:
*Simon shoots better with my camera. Manual with a Rebel is hard! Do the newer Rebels have two wheels? I can't even figure out how to shoot manual with the thing.
*I didn't notice the quality of the pictures until I uploaded. The memory was shining too brightly to see the quality. That said, I don't think I'll edit Simon's pictures at all.
*My big two have figured out that if they play with my hair, I let them stay up longer. Felix hasn't quite figured out the deal with elastic hairbands. As much as he's destroying my hair, I kinda hope he doesn't ever figure out the deal with elastic hairbands.

Random blatherings of insomnia

2012-01-27T02:26:00.000-05:00

I went to the gym today. On purpose. It was good, quality, non-kid interaction with my sister. The health benefits are just a happy coincidence. They have cable at the gym. Sean's coming for a visit soon. If I'm consistent, maybe I can have an ab by then.
Can you see me weighing(har har) the pros and cons here?

It seems like huffing along on the treadmill could be ~~enjoyable~~ tolerable, but all I can think about is how jiggly my butt must look to the people running on the row behind me. As I wasted fifteen minutes on the bike, all I could think about was how my heartbeat pounding in my ears really sounded like, "Star-bucks. Star-bucks. Star-bucks."

We opted out of coffee on the way home after I shared with my sister that a Venti white chocolate mocha has more calories than a quarter pounder with cheese. We headed home instead. After guzzling more water(more on that in a sec), my sister insisted I try a green tea with her. "Green tea doesn't have as much caffeine as coffee," she said.

blink blink...

It's okay, I have some stuff I've been meaning to catch up on. No better time than two a.m. :)

I forgot what working out feels like. As I strutted into Gradma's house, proud of my determination to get that ab, she announced, "I used up all your sugar baking a homemade chocolate cake."

Are ya kiddin' me?

She wasn't. It was delicious. Both pieces. In my defense, she justified two pieces by saying it was supposed to be a double layer cake. Added to that, it was made with fresh eggs and raw cane sugar. It's basically spinach.

On the water issue, I must ask, does anyone reading actually drink the recommended(by who?) eight glasses of water a day? That's 64 ounces! In one day. Every day.

I have conquered it two days in a row, but it hasn't been as easy as it should be. In theory, it's...just water. In reality, it's...I really want my second cup of coffee, which is technically mostly water(aside from all the sugar and cream and caffeine), but my belly is already water logged and making ocean sounds and ahh man I gotta go again.

On that note...

schoolhouse

2012-01-25T23:16:00.000-05:00

My friend posted this about her kiddos room and I am so inspired to document the details. Even if it's not our house, per se. Or our rooms. Or our anything, it is where we're at and when the time comes for us to move on, these are the details I'll want to remember. I guess I never thought about taking notice of the temporary parts of our life, but it seems there have been a whooooooooole lot of temporary situations in our lives lately.

While this isn't their room at Grandma's house, it's where we do school. Where we spend the most time together on any given weekday.

Titus likes to color while the bigs are working on their stuff. He also likes to ask for milk a lot. A LOT. And go to the bathroom just as we've finally gotten underway. Next year, I plan to start him on his own little curriculum. Considering we argued for fifteen minutes today about a triangle being a triangle and not pizza...it's time.

I love that he's totally aware of the camera. :D

Felix writing in his thankfulness journal. On this particular day he was thankful for a Spiderman car I got him. Ironically, he got it taken away for the whole day within minutes of this photograph.

Did you yawn?

Simon takes his writing so seriously.

There it is, our temporary norm. Our school days are a little different every day, but I am still loving it at least 95-ish% of the time. There are days. Ooooh there are days. When one is being ornery or the other is just not getting a concept. Yesterday, for example, was a bad one as far as homeschooling goes. At the end of the day, though, Felix read our entire Proverb of the day by himself. From a real Bible. He totally got it, grasped the real life application of it and its in those moments I am reaping the rewards.

It is so amazing to watch them grasp things that you put in there. Big things like reading and comprehension and long division and irregular vowels. It's the icing on the cake of motherhood and their progress is so very, very encouraging.

10TUE

2012-01-25T02:03:00.001-05:00

1. GREAT movies I've Redboxed lately: CourageousThe Help
Crazy, Stupid Love
Something Borrowed
Sarah's Key

CAN'T erase the images from my brain; turned it off after five minutes; regretted with all 120 cents spent; makes me hate Hollywood; changed the image of an actor that generally stars in decent movies; what the heck is porn if THAT wasn't it movie I've Redboxed lately:
Change Up

2. deleted...I'm not ready to link this certain video yet. I need to think about it some more. :)

3. We heard a little snippet about Roe v Wade on the radio last night. I got to have a conversation with my kids about abortion. I kept it as age appropriate as possible and simply explained what an abortion is and some reasons why women have them. Simon, in all the wisdom of a nine year old asked, "What did the baby do?" In context, meaning, why do they deserve an abortion. Felix's only opinion, "I am so glad I'm not a girl."

4. I was called out on my interpretation of the word "spontaneous." Apparently, if you plan something for a week, it is not spontaneous.

5. My unspontaneous adventure involved a three hour trip north to spend the night with people we had never met. A mutual friend thought we'd hit it off and she was most certainly correct. What a great, great family. It was exciting to step out of my comfort zone. It was awesome to be around like minded people. It was inspiring to stay the course in so many aspects of my life in which they share similar convictions. It was so crazy to see the dynamics of a family that has twice as many kids as ours. All in all, it was so much fun and I can't wait to do it again. I am so glad you think highly enough of our mutual friend to open your home to a group of unruly vagabonds. :) I think I'll be more unspontaneous more often.

6. Working on expressing myself more gently via the intranets & texteses. Sometimes things come across as rude and stupid instead of clever and funny(like the above misspellings). Some things I mean to say passionately and with urgency are coming across as haughty and proud. I am too much of an open book sometimes and there is no throttle on my typing. In real life, my mouth is much more tame. I need to find a happy balance.

7. I'm seeing some very encouraging changes in my kiddos lately. It helps to keep me dedicated and realize the changes being made in our family, in our/my parenting, are actually working. We still have daily battles, but I'm choosing to fight them differently and the results are worth it.

8. It was seventy four degrees today. That's a seven and a four. In January. S&F wanted to play with their friend while T was sleeping. I got a minute to sit and read and enjoy the breeze. In the middle of the day!

9. Sometimes I get a little carried away with taking pictures of what I'm doing and I miss the opportunity to actually do what I set out to do. :/

10. When did Skype take a nosedive? I know it's always been aggravating to use, but lately it is really, really aggravating. Either way, it's an aggravation I'm willing to endure to see this handsome face. :)

Aaaand that 9 o'clock coffee is just starting to kick in at the crack of 2 a.m... O-O

kid quotes

2012-01-23T10:29:00.019-05:00

"Titus, put your books back in the bag."-me
"I can't. You do it?"
"Nope, you took 'em out, you put 'em back."
"I caaaaan't. You can do it, Mommy, I too la-cey(lazy, if you don't speak 2 year old)."

At least he's honest. I won that one, by the way.

Felix had some pent up anger about a certain little girl that was in his PreK class.

"Ellie said she loved me and wanted to marry me and the very next day she said she hates me! If we ever go back to that school, I'm gonna punch her in the nooooose."

That one little moment spurred on a flurry of conversation. We were able to talk about loving our enemies("Ellie is definitely my enemy!"); the fickleness of five year old girls("She said I was 'soooooo handome' and I told her I liked her bow and then she gave me Indian burn and said she hates me!"); hitting; holding on to anger.

Simon had an assignment to rewrite the story of Gideon how it might take place in this day and age. He was having trouble getting started, so I prompted him by saying, "Gideon was a farmer, pick a different profession that people have now(as if there aren't farmers now...)."
"A soldier?"-he asked.
"Well, a soldier would know how to fight. That's predictable. Pick a profession where the guy would have no clue how to fight."
"A mom?"

On food

2012-01-22T15:55:00.003-05:00

Again, I know.
My sister in law asked me to give her a list of things to avoid. How can I put it into a list?! I'll try.

Maybe a list of lists?

Here's a good one, but if you're just starting out, you'll have to read labels of everything you pick up. Who has time for that?

Food additives to avoid

A simple list, but it's very specific. Though, I won't ever drink a StarBs Venti white chocolate mocha ever again. Worse than a McDs 1/4lber with cheese? Are you kidding me?!

A good list from a site I visit from time to time.

Another good list from Mercola.com, my go-to site for health/food related info.

My personal list of foods we don't buy and don't budge on:
1-Soda & juice-no nutritional value. ASIDE from the sugar(excuse me, high fructose corn syrup), there are so many additives that have horrible consequences. It is NOT just about being fat or skinny. It's bad for more than just your waistline.

2-store bought meat-get it from the farmer. I'm telling you, it's worth the little bit of hassle and the extra money.

3-store bought milk, even the organic

4-store bought eggs-buy one dozen from a local farmer and you'll see why. I could post a bazillion articles, but nothing but experience will convince you that store bought eggs just can't even compete.

5-processed foods. I know this is so broad, but I don't even go to the middle aisles of the grocery store. I do not buy food in boxes. IF I buy crackers, it's very rare and usually an impulse buy. I'll do organic wheat crackers or WASA flatbread crackers. For chips, we do organic blue corn tortilla chips. That's it. Weird, huh?

6- anything with high fructose corn syrup, preservatives, artificial dyes and SOY. Soy is a redflag word to me. Soy of any kind, though I have to make exceptions for this one every once in a while. It's in EVERYTHING.

So what do we eat? I've been meaning to do a "day in the life" post about food, but haven't gotten around to it.

I urge you to look at the ingredients in a box of cereal, even the organic ones. I tell my kids all the time, "Just because it's labeled organic, doesn't mean it's good for you." Processed food is processed food. For breakfast, usually our biggest meal, we eat:
yogurt
toast
fruit
granola
English muffins(Ezekiel 4:9 or Rudi's)
eggs
pancakes with pure maple syrup

For lunch:
English muffin pizza
pasta with olive oil and parm
grilled cheese(meunster cheese is our favorite)
tortilla pizza
eggs
salad
PBJs

For dinner:
Dinner is the same as always, just with better ingredients.

We drink:
water
milk
very, very occasionally, we drink sweet tea

Staples:
organic cane sugar
local, raw honey
bulk items like coconut, beans(kidney, pinto and black turtle), raw almonds, raw cashews
organic salad/spinach
organic peanut butter and jelly
Rudi's nut and oat bread

There's more to it, but there's a tiny little slice. It really is more simple than regular grocery shopping because you're cutting out 90% of the junk. True, you have to track down some things, but in the end, it just feels like regular ole grocery shopping. It's worth the effort, I promise. Hope this helps!

PL: wk2

2012-01-18T00:37:00.000-05:00

Pretty simple this week. Not as many pictures, not as many details, but more stand alone journaling. I'm kind of enjoying the lack of Project Life page protectors. It's making me stretch a little when figuring out what to print. I think I'll just stick with the WRMK variety pack that I bought last year(looks like they're sold out now, too). A happy bonus is that every week looks a little different. :)

Ten on Tuesday

2012-01-17T22:04:00.000-05:00

1. I don't want to be a clanging cybal. I really, really don't. Praying about it, trying really hard, refocusing, adjusting, thinking long and hard before I speak/type. LOVE LOVE LOVE first. Always. Sometimes I forget in my zeal or passion or angst to get things out of my own head that I come across as...a clanging cymbal.

Personal side note: Every time I think of or read 1 Corinthians 13, I hear Kent's voice saying it. I miss you guys, our group. Every day, but especially Wednesdays. And maybe Tuesdays. And, oh, definitely Sundays. And pretty much Mondays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays, too. :(

2. I'm doing something entirely spontaneous tomorrow and I could NOT be more excited. I was a little nervous, but now I'm just stinking excited. It's such an awesome thing to have friends that care enough about ya to set up something crazy and wonderful.

3. Can something be spontaneous if you've known about it for a week? It feels spontaneous as it's nothing I would've thought of on my own and it's nothing I've done before, really. I'll blog about it afterwards.

4. Three weeks til I get to see my husband again. I have big, big plans. Plans that I must set into motion before he gets here and puts a kibosh on all of my schemes.

5. I just had to look up how to spell kibosh. My spelling was correct, but it never hurts to double check the spelling...or the meaning. I've caught a lot of, "THAT'S what that means?!" over the years.

6. Mr. T and my dad watching the Republican debates last night. o-O Titus was trying to catch a glimpse of his uncle who was there for work. Also, he's figured out Grandpa's a sucker who will let him curl up and watch the news at bedtime with him. Makes bedtime easier for me, even if it is starting a nasty habit. :)

7. Simon made a Texas flag tonight, just for fun. He misses it, too. I didn't think I'd miss San Antonio so much. When we first got here, I think it was a grass-is-always-greener thing, now I'm thinking I truly miss the place. Not really the place so much as the people. Who knows, maybe Uncle Sam will send us back one day.

8. Speaking of Simon, he went to a real salon (with Grandma, I'd never pay $15 for a kid cut) today and had his hair "styled." We went to (not so) Great Clips a week or so ago and the girl really screwed his hair up. It wasn't until very recently that he started caring about such thing as hair. He's even going so far as to brush it at least bi-weekly. I blame it on the girl down the street. According to Simon, "She's kind. She's sweet. She's nice. What wouldn't I like about her?" I just loooooooove that the three character traits he noticed have nothing to do with looks. Even more so because she's quite beautiful.

9. This guy is eating me out of house and home. Three pancakes, two bananas and a pear. For breakfast.

10. The kiddos are pretty good at memory building with their cousins. My niece and nephew spent the night on Sunday and all day Monday it was romping through the woods + chalk drawn roads in the driveway + scooters & bikes & zipline + movies. I love that they have this time together.

2 Tim 1:7

2012-01-15T11:21:00.003-05:00

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. NKJV

Other translations say, "self discipline" as a synonym for sound mind.

That's Timothy, from the Bible, the Word of God. The Holy Scripture. God's "love letter" to his children, some say. It's the Book I, as a Christian, live by. It's something I dive into every single day of my life. Well, err, almost every single day. I don't just skim it or read it casually. I study it. I read commentary. I cross reference. I have a hunger for Truth.

I am not a Sunday morning only Christian. In fact, I rarely go to church these days thanks to circumstances and never being able to get three children + me ready to go before noon. Christianity is not church attendance. Anyways, that wasn't the point of this post.

The point is that I've heard people say things in regards to food that brings God into it. My dairy farmer back home made the statement, "This has nothing to do with God," in regards to a situation we discussed. I think he's wrong and I told him so. *sigh* I miss him...I think the way we eat has a lot to do with God. After all, HE is the one that gave us the food, right? The food we should eat? God gave us fruit and nuts, man gave us high fructose corn syrup and preservatives. God gave us roots and herbs, man gave us Big Pharma and corporate greed.

Mostly, though, God gave us and gives us CHOICE. Timothy says he gives us a spirit of power, love and a sound mind. God gives us the ability to think, choose and decide. About everything, but for this post, I'm talking about what we put into our bodies.

Sean had a co-worker once that said as long as she prayed over her food she didn't worry about it. Really? By her reasoning, I could shove a chunk of raw chicken in my mouth and "God's got it covered." How is that biblical? I truly want to know. If I'm wrong about this, I hope someone will call me out on it. I'm not saying God can't do it, I'm asking how it makes sense. That's like saying I'm going to jump off a cliff and pray that God gives me a soft landing. I mean, He can, but why would he reward stupidity?

I really don't like it when people use God as a scapegoat. God gives us information, it's our job to use it. It's not a trust issue. For example, if one has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, weight issues and/or any other health issues...should that person maybe excercise, change the way they eat? OR...should they just "trust in God" about it? I'd say both.

The point to all of this is that the way we eat shouldn't be about living forever or trying to avoid Alzheimers when we're old. It should be about being healthy! Making good choices. Truly living life! Is the white bread and soda worth the diabetes? Is the steady stream of sugar and microwaved foods worth obesity? I may just get taken out by a Chilean, non-organic, produce truck, but I'm still going to eat the way God intended. He gave us an abundant supply of food, right in our own back yard, that is good for us.

Eat it.

Nitrates/Nitrites

2012-01-15T10:45:00.001-05:00

YIKES

And kinda obvious. Look around you. I guarantee everyone reading knows someone with diabetes, alzheimers or Parkinsons.

Read labels. Always. Even at the "good" stores.

Sorry if I seem obsessive. I kind of am. When I read this crap, I can't help but pass it along. It's self preservation at best. If I keep it to myself, my head will pop right off.

So...who wants a big, fat, greasy BLT for lunch?

encouraged

2012-01-14T19:38:00.005-05:00

Sometimes, I place myself under a gag order.
Sometimes, I'm so angry about the things I know that I have to take a break from the seeking.
Sometimes, I want to scream at the morbidly obese girl in the grocery store reaching for the donut. That happened today actually. First I was angry. Then I was sad. Then I wanted to race over to her cart, jump on it like a lunatic and just start flinging stuff out of it. When it was all said and done and the Redbox had finally taken our last video, I wanted to just wrap my arms around her neck(in a hug, not a headlock, should it need clarification) and tell her about what's in her food.
Sometimes I make snide comments in the grocery store.
Sometimes, I say loudly, "I wish there was something we could eat here."
Sometimes I huff and talk about how the competing grocery store has a better organics section(only if an employee is close enough to hear).
Sometimes, I inform fellow shoppers about why the yogurt they're choosing is bad by saying things like, "No, guys, we can't have that yogurt. It has artificial dyes and aspartame in it." I pause dramatically and they look at me like a freak. I smile and pat myself on the back for a job well done. Even if they still choose their yogurt over mine at least they have to questions why aspartame kept me from buying it. Maybe not. Sometimes I focus on all the negatives of these food discoveries.

But sometimes I get texts and emails and phone calls that encourage me so much I want to cry.

Texts like, "So I had a friend come over yesterday and I got to talking about food choices with her...I sounded like...well, you, while I was explaining things. Later, I got a text from her saying, 'you got me thinking about what I am feeding my family. Where can I learn more?' See Chrissy!!! You are a world changer!!!!"'-paraphrased, just a tad. She did actually use the phrase 'world changer,' though.

Now, it almost embarrasses me to even post such things, but...not really. World changer might be a lil strong(although, I accept it!), but isn't that how real change happens? One person at a time? Look at how the food industry is listening. Never assume the big corporations give a crap about you beyond your dollar, but HFCS will soon be a thing of the past, hopefully! The organic market is booming. The term 'all natural' is even being abused by the big corporations. They're at least pretending, right? Read labels, always. Don't trust the bullet words.

I guess I get feeling silly when someone compliments me like that because it's not my words. It's not my ideas, it's just me being completely flabbergasted by the wool pulled over my own eyes for so long that I had to pass it on.

With that, here's another article for you.
Please don't dye... my food anymore. I especially love it when I find dyes in OTC meds. Like someone who has a sinus headache cares what color the gel in the liquicap is. Like someone whose baby is up with a fever in the middle of the night will care what color the liquid is. Read labels and vote with your dollar. Always always always.

money

2012-01-13T13:37:00.001-05:00

As I was walking through TJ Maxx the other day, I made the statement, "I can't wait to have lots of money." It was in regards to this really stinking cute pair of yellow sandals. SO many things wrong with this scenario. And not in the sense of who needs yellow shoes? Or sandals in January?

I have issues with money, as I think a lot of people do. It's not money that's an issue, it's the love of money. Finding security in money. We've had lots and we've had littles. Our lives have been quite cyclical on the money train. When Sean was travel nursing, we had lots. When he joined the military we went back to a little. Well, not a little in the grand scheme of things, but a lot less than we had on the road. Looking at the finances with tax time coming up, we realized he took a major pay cut to join the military. More major than I previously thought. Like a second income type pay cut. O-o BUT, he'll have a degree in the end and I think it will definitely balance out in the end. On the spread sheet anyways. Can't put a price tag on deployments...

Money intimidates me when I see what it can do to people. In 2011, we had a much more healthy relationship with money. We controlled the money instead of letting it control us. I am so thankful that Sean and I are finally on the same page. The word "budget" doesn't make me start a fight anymore. It doesn't make me think of all the restrictions, it actually gives me more of a sense of freedom. Knowing we're snowballing our debt so quickly gives me a huge sense of accomplishment.

I don't look at price tags the same way anymore. I think that part started when the food change started. I look at value over price. I'd rather spend a few bucks more on real food than less money on fake food. I would rather spend $30 on a good, quality shirt than $5 on a shirt that is going to end up in the Goodwill pile within the year. I would rather buy the kids a quality, American made, wooden toy than a piece of crap, lead laden plastic, foreign made toy that is designed to break. That said, I am still a bargain shopper. I want quality, but I also want it at the least expensive price I can get.

When I think about having money again once we're debt free and/or Sean finishes school and exits stage left from ye olde Gov't teet...it's with a healthier attitude than I once had.

When I think about having money again it's with the attitude that I can give more. I love to send packages. I love to tithe knowing we're making a difference in one particular missionary's ministry. I can't wait to give more. I can't wait to send care packages to soldier's wives. I can't wait to give gifts that make an impact. I can't wait to have a house that I love and can afford. Nothing extravagant. I want people to ask, "Why do they live in this house when they could afford something so much bigger?" I want simple. I want affordable. I want to live within our means. Always. I don't want to keep up with the Joneses. Ever.

I don't think it's a bad thing to want a cute pair of yellow shoes, I just want to have the right perspective. Right now, I have a very practical selection of shoes. In the future, I'd like more shoes(+lenses), but not so many that I could feed a small army with the money spent on them.

Just wanted to get that down as a reminder to my future self.

12JAN12

2012-01-13T01:06:00.000-05:00

My friend invited a few of us to play along for 12 on 12.

Twelve pictures on the twelfth of every month. Why not? Now that I've included my waking up shot, I'm a little more embarrassed than, "Yeah, that's right. I look like a freak when I wake up. What of it?" In my defense, you can't see the yellow of the walls. It's like waking up on the surface of the sun! Who lets a fifteen year old girl pick paint colors?! My parents. I painted this room many, many ~~moons~~ suns ago. Time for a change. Although, now that I have a luxurious eye mask, the yellow's not so bad.

Jan 12 is also my dad's birthday, so lots of pictures of him.

Jan 12 is also the day I found out I was preggo with Felix seven years ago. SEVEN.

Row1: So there's me in all my morning glory, the birthday boy and the best danged granola(1/4 cup honey+1/4 cup olive oil+1/4 cup of brown sugar+a couple spoonfuls of peanut butter. Melt. Drizzle over oats+pecans+coconut. Bake for 30 min @ 350, stirring every 10 min or so. Toss in a handful or two of chocolate chips at the end, let them get smooshy and then stir them in. Let it cool completely. Store in an airtight container if there's any left by the time it's done cooling. I think I'll toss the coconut in a tad later next time. Got a bit crispy, but it's the big fat flakes, so they're still delish.) I've ever made.

Row2: Can you see Feef's sticker? It's a no camera sign. :)Simon after guitar lessons. My dad's b-day present from me. My mom asked me to get him some Pepsi. He is sick and it is his birthday, but I still couldn't bring myself to contribute to his eventual high fructose corn syrup overdose. This was my happy compromise.

Row3: Awkward farmer's market shots. I felt weird taking them, so I just snapped a few on the sly. Max, the cat. Guess who's a fan of low-temp pasteurized, non homogenized milk? Not me, but Max loves it.

Row4: More from the birthday party...blowing out a votive candle. Mr. T passing out hugs. He loves that La La something fierce. :)

week one

2012-01-13T00:38:00.001-05:00

ER visit...dinner with Pop Pop...pocket knives...fart noises...tags of the week...T and his house shoes:

Darlington Raceway Museum(where we saw the Fabulous Hudson Hornet and set off the fire alarm)...McCall Farms with NicNic&gang

Simon accidentally poked him in the face with his six foot long wittling project; a walking stick. Not sure where he plans on walking with it, but I keep finding it inside. As if he can hide it.

Week one is done. Nothing ground breaking, but we have the memories down. Looking through last years album, I am so glad I started it. Even though I started four months into the year. I have so many every day memories recorded that I would've forgotten otherwise.

Mr. T would not get out of my shots. Another moment documented: he recognized the letter A for the first time. As the third child, I count it a success that he knows any letter before the age of three. I am trying not to dwell on the fact that Simon knew his entire alphabet well before two and a half and here is Mr. T rounding the corner on three.

Week one is done. :)

ten on tuesday

2012-01-12T00:38:00.000-05:00

It's actually Wednesday, but I really want to get back in the habit of TOT, so here we go.

1. I've felt completely out of control since we got to SC. I don't do well with not having any control. Today, I regained composure, control and confidence and my spirits are much higher.

2. I started off the day laying out some ground rules for the big kids. Letting them know my expectations has worked out fantastically(today at least). It's a bit unrealistic to expect them to know what I expect without having told them first.

3. While discussing some behaviors and incidences that have recently taken place(i.e. a fist fight yesterday between #1 & #2 in which neither would respond to my screeching, "KNOCK IT OFF!" It seriously was like trying to intervene in a dog fight.) I set a new memory verse of Ephesians 4:26. It's a good one for me, too. :/

4. Sometimes you just gotta unload. It helps to have a friend that listens and gives good advice-seriously, every time the advice is good. It's like her superpower. You know who you are and you, my friend, are my hero. :)

5. Sodium nitrate, cursed be your affects. We no longer eat ham, sausage or...wait for it, wait for it...bacon. *gasp* I know. Nitrate free pork, in the quantities of pig we eat, is just too expensive to justify so we Xed it from the menu. I'll hunt down some good pork once we're settled again.

6. I read yesterday that children are likely to treat their spouse the same way they treat their siblings. Scary thought, huh? Makes sense.

7. Felix is taking piano lessons, Simon is taking guitar. Felix is hoping to surprise his Dad with a whole song, Simon is learning the opening chords of Blackbird. All we need is a drummer and the Terrorist is already showing potential as one who likes to bang on things.

8. Simon handed me the phone today. "Who is it?" I asked. "I dunno, one of those president pickers." I assume everyone is getting a lot of political calls these days? Annoying. And a robot voiced politician is no closer to getting my vote than a main stream media backed politician.

9. I've been messing around with pictures sizes and how I save/upload to the blog. Jude, I don't have the program to go with the way you talked about. LAME. I just saved these through Photoshop using the 'save to web.' It took absolutely, positively forever for them to upload as GIF files. Not really sure what I'm doing other than a lot of trial and error. These look good, though the time involved wasn't all that worth it. Surely there are easier ways! Any advice appreciated.

10. The Max hat. I have no idea where it came from, but I'm guessing my relatives up north had something to do with it. My parents inherited a tabby cat years ago and Titus has decided that he is Max when he wears this hat. He walks with a swagger like Max when he wears it and he uses the only phrase Max would should he develop the ability to speak English, "I wanna eat." Max is quite the Garfield. Titus plays him perfectly.

There ya have it. Ten on Tuesday on Wednesday night/Thursday morning.

Noiseware...

2012-01-10T00:56:00.000-05:00

shoulda downloaded the free software about 18,000 pictures ago. Now I know and now you know. Go get it if you don't have it. I'm sure the version you pay for is better, but I'm much too cheap for such things. Here's a link. A photoguru friend of mine(hi, Kim!) mentioned noiseware many moons ago and I didn't want to show how ignorant I was about such things so I just nodded and smiled. It's just that one more step of photo editing that really brings out my laziness. As you can see, these are less noisy, but no other edits were made(plus, blogger put back some of the noise I got rid of). :D Something's gotta give. Also, I can't get Noiseware to copy over into Photoshop, so I'm having to open each picture individually, edit and save in the noiseware program before sending it over to PS for further edits. When Sean gets here, maybe he can make them sync, but trying to figure out computers when T has had a nasty cough all week(read: mama ain't had no sleep) is not too high on ye olde priority list.

Titus asked for bedtime stories. This is the point that I admit bedtime is my favorite time of day for so very many reasons. I tend to rush bedtime. I don't take time for stories all that often. For shame, it is the truth. He really, really likes this monkey book that my Grandma sent me in 1990, according to her handwriting in the front cover. It was my favorite, even though I thought I was a bit advanced for such literature when I received it.

This may be the point in the post that I admit my kids hardly ever wear actual pjs.

Not wanting to leave the big kids out, I popped in to make sure they were getting in some reading time, too.

Felix didn't like that I brought my camera. His obnoxion came out.

Putting his foot in front of my lens. Silly boy hasn't figured out that I can't be dissuaded from photographing mundane moments.

One blurry, huggy shot. I'll take it!

I can't not

2012-01-10T00:19:00.002-05:00

post this one. It goes so far beyond just our food. *sigh*

Uhh

2012-01-09T17:24:00.004-05:00

this is kinda lame, but I'm on strike from speaking(about food) as no one seems to listen to me anyhow. Just give it a listen, ignore the cheese factor, and see if you can't learn a thing or two. ;)

A more serious, informative video:

This is such a tiny little piece of the puzzle that I'm almost embarrassed to post it. Ah well, take from it what you want and be intrigued or disgusted enough to continue seeking. :D

In case you really are seeking, here's a starting point:

in case you're really, really seeking:
http://www.gmwatch.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=12091:video-index

Spy-man

2012-01-06T00:16:00.003-05:00

Someone(Sean) made a point tonight that I already know. Blogs aren't always real, though I tend to be more honest than not. Blogs are usually happy moments. Blogs are things we want to share. I don't blog about every little thing that happens in our lives. Once upon a time I did, but who wants to hear about the crappy parts of our lives? Who wants to read a random list of complaints?

I don't blog about the fact that my kids are never good pupils on the same day.
I don't blog about the fact that on the days Simon is cooperative, Felix is a whiner and vice versa. It's not every day, but it's been tough to get their butts back in gear after Christmas break. Not sure if it's a flaw in my parenting. Not sure if it's a sign that I shouldn't be homeschooling. Not sure if it's just my kids being kids. I don't know, but I muddle through and usually we are able to find some high points. At the end of the day, something's getting through. They may complain about reading, but they're both pretty dang good at it. They may take an hour to answer five stinking math problems by the time they've whined and had a drink and had a snack and whined some more, but at least they can do 'em.

I don't blog about the fact that I'm the teeniest bit resentful towards my husband for not demanding I come back to San Antonio with him. Even if it makes no sense at all. I know it's irrational and unfair, that's why I don't blog about it. I don't blog about the fact that I get pretty freakin' ticked off at bedtime when I'm having to put three kids away for the night all by myself. Especially when the big two find a flashlight and want to read. Loudly. OH THE IRONY of that. Neither one of 'em want to read during my normal business hours. They only want to read when it's a distraction to getting the little one in bed. The little one who wants me to curl up next to him until he's fast asleep. Not almost asleep. Not so tired he can't keep his eyes open asleep. I'm talking half way into his first REM cycle. Tonight, he literally wrapped himself around my arm and curled himself in a way that would not have allowed me to move if I'd wanted to. I have to slither to the ground after he's doing that puppy dog running in his sleep paw movements. I am owned by a two year old.

Yes, I'm the adult. Yes, I have the authority. Truth is, they don't care. They run the show 99% of the time. So there, that's some real blogging. Life is not all sunshine and lollipops. I'm not hiding it, I just don't think it makes for a good read. My kids are awesome and I love them and I have dedicated my very existence to them, but they are exhausting. As all kids are. Do I really need to blog about it? Do I need to explain why I am in a funk at the end of the day when I just want to sit and listen to the silence and can't because there are still kids hanging on me? That's just real life.

What makes for a good read is the funny parts of life. Thankfully, kids give lots of those throughout the day.

Like when something happens that pushes us right into the current state in which we live.
It's worse than the never changing landscape of the town.
It's worse than hearing the same country songs I used to listen to in a certain VW convertible. And NOT changing the station. And actually singing along. And kinda liking it.
It's worse than the little bit of twang my kids are picking up.

It's Spiderman slippers, nay...house shoes.
It's Spiderman house shoes that happen to be T's first pair.
He loves them dearly and wants to wear them at all times.

The need arose for us to leave the house today.

I said, "Time to go, Bud, find your socks & shoes."
"I don-neeeeeeed shoes," he said.
"Oooooh, yeah you do." I replied.
"No no no no no, Spy-man shoes." he tried to convince.
"Nope, real shoes," I insisted.
<insert monkey shrieks>"MY SHOES!"

We can't be wearing house shoes out in public. I've counted no less than a dozen people in public places wearing bedtime attire(and that's not even counting the one time I went to Walmart. I kept my head down in there). I've seen leopard print silk pajama pants. I've seen lots of house shoes. I've seen house coats. I've seen curlers. I've seen a whole lotta women who do not respect the underwire. It ain't hot. We are not falling into the trap of wearing pajamas of any sort out in public. I assume if you do it once, it becomes a habit(or at least acceptable).

I did eventually flex the muscle of parental authority and win the shoe fight. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

non-food related...

2012-01-04T23:32:00.005-05:00

Well, not really.
Today was crap. Right from the get-go. I woke up missing Sean. In a pack-up-the-car-and-drive-home kinda way. I got over it, did the normal morning routine. Read about how oblivious the Israelites can be(I'm mid-way through Jeremiah), made breakfast, started the boys on school with a peppy attitude.

Apparently, I was the only one bringing pep to the table today.

I called Sean looking for sympathy. After all, they are his children. I went barking up the wrong tree and my pep deflated. After that, all good things came to an end, as they must. There was back talk, there was whining, there was gnashing of teeth, there was...

bang, crash, boom...silence...screaming

Every once in a while, Titus will stand at the top of the wooden stairs and toss things down. I can usually judge what it is by the sound. This time, I knew it wasn't a bag of legos or a book or a bowling ball. As I rounded the corner with that sick dread that only a mother knows, I figured out pretty quickly that it was no good.

Simon was carrying T down the stairs and slipped. To keep from landing on or dropping Titus, he leaned back. While noble and so very sweet that he didn't even displace a hair on T's head, his back suffered.

We bolted to a local doctor's office, filled out a bazillion sheets of paper only to be told that they couldn't get the help line to answer. Y'see, here's the thing about that wonderful health care that the military provides us...it works well. In a military town. When you're not in a military town, you have to call the nurse line to ask permission to be seen by someone outside the network and they provide you with a little authorization number. Without that #, you have to pay and hope there's a way to be reimbursed. The doctor's office recommended that I run up the street to an urgent care.

Upon our arrival, I was reminded ever so quickly why we moved. I handed Nurse Blondie back her paper, stomped out and drove towards yet another hospital while calling our insurance company to find out where the H I could take my kid. All the while, he's in pain and complaining that it hurt to breathe. I'm freaking out thinking I've done everything wrong and that I should just pull over and call 911.

I didn't. In the end, we went to Carolina's Hospital System where we were in and out, complete with x-rays, in the amount of time I spent filling out paperwork at the first "McDonald's" office. Three nurses at the first place, not a single one spent time asking about my child's condition, asking only how they would be paid. I get that, I really do, but in an urgent setting, I would think a child's health would take precedence. At Carolina's, the lady at the ER check in said, "He's most important. Let's make sure he's okay first, then we'll finish the paperwork." I will be sending a handwritten note to let them know what a difference they made in my day.

Anyways, all that to say, he's ok and things could've turned out so much worse. If Simon had fallen from higher up or fallen on Titus. There are no broken bones, no ribs puncturing his lungs as I feared in a worst case scenario kinda way. It seems he maybe just wanted some one on one time with his mama. I told him there are better ways of ensuring such things. We finished up our date, by swinging by and picking up Pop Pop for dinner. A Holy Shittake pizza just for Simon. The boy loves mushrooms. And he loves his Pop Pop who plays a mean game of tic tac toe.

oooooooooh snap

2012-01-02T16:46:00.000-05:00

I haven't had a minute to sit & read in quite some time. Reading, for me, has become dangerous. Toxic, ya might say. I just read some pretty disturbing stuff and now I am compelled to share.

I'll try my best to put this into digestible facts...pun totally intended.

Who eats soy?

Tofu is a big, fat no for me. I have, however, been eating a baby soybean hummus since I got here. They don't have my go-to hummus anywhere and I saw this one and figured why not?

I'll tell you why not! Oi vey.

The book I'm reading is The Unhealthy Truth by Robin O'Brien. I bought it months ago as Borders was going under and everything was basically free. Bad for Borders, good for me. So sad our economic state...

Anyways! Back to soy. I actually skipped this chapter a few weeks ago b/c we don't eat soy. My sister in law mentioned that her three babies drink soy milk, so I was compelled to go back and read this chapter. It makes me sick to my stomach. I know a looooooot of people that love soy in all kinda ways. I know a loooooooot of babies who consume soy milk or formula.

I've known that soy is very much genetically modified & that it is in pretty much every processed food. Again, not a huge concern b/c we eat virtually NO processed foods.

Alarming little details about soy addressed in this book:

*Genetically altered soy had it's first widespread use in 1996-this fact leads to...
*a major soy allergen, trypsin inhibitor, 27% HIGHER in genetically modified soy-this fact leads to...
*soy & peanuts are both legumes-this fact leads to...
*peanut allergies have risen 20%(that's TWENTY percent) each year since 1997

How many kids do you know with peanut allergies?

What does soy affect anyway? Get ready for some more *s.

*boobies
*reproductive organs
*toxic to the thyroid

How many people do you know with breast issues, infertility issues and thyroid issues?

The thing about soy is that there are some good benefits. It seems like only the good have been covered. With everything I buy, I do a pro vs con moment. Is it worth the money? Is it worth the benefits? Is it worth the extra 5mg of sugar? Is it worth the risk? Does the bad outweigh the good?

Soy has some antioxidant powers that contribute to a stronger immunity and women's hormonal health via isoflavones, but...

Soy can also boost the estrogen levels so high that is has detrimental affects on breast and reproductive health. That's not just in girls. Boys have testicular issues and reproductive problems, too, due to increased exposure to estrogen.

Thankfully, my kiddos didn't drink soy formula, but how much soy have they ingested in processed foods?? The FDA says that soy may also cause goiters(again with the THYROID issues).

Soy blocks the absorption of calcium, magnesium, phosphorus, copper, iron and zinc and interferes with digestion. Fabulous.

I won't get into the affects soy has on obesity or why Asian consumption of soy is so much different from ours, but it's fascinating. I highly recommend anyone reading look further into those aspects of soy.

Don't think you're eating soy? It's in everything. Everything! Seriously...ev-e-ry-thing. Take a look at the ingredients list. I thought high fructose corn syrup was in everything! HFCS's BFF is SOY-understand?

According to gmo-compass.org, there are 20,000-30,000 products on the market today in which soy plays a role. Here is a LONG list of soy articles & an interesting video especially if you are giving your infant soy formula. This link also talks about the good kind of soy.

Soy has an alias. Several actually.
*Diglyceride
*edamame(was in my hummus, dang it)
*glycine max
*hydrolized vegetable protein(HVP)
*lecithin(just noticed this in my "all natural" chocolate chips...switching to carob chips now)
*miso
*monoglyceride
*monosodium glutamate(MSG-emailed Chick fil A several months ago about using this one)
*natto
*tamari
*tempeh
*tofu
*vegetable oil
*vitamin E
*yuba

I was going to end it here, but I can't.

*A 1997 study published in the Lancet found babies drinking soy formula had up to ten times higher blood levels of isoflavones than women taking soy supplements to regulate their cycles.

What are isoflavones again? They boost estrogen. They're toxic to the thyroid. Elevated estrogen has been linked to breast cancer, reproductive cancers, obesity and early puberty in girls. Boys get the undescended testicles, prostate cancer and fertility issues.

Apparently, the US gov't is a bit behind as the UK, China, New Zealand, Israel, France, and Germany has all expressed concern over soy formula. I'm not all about government intervention in our food, but when it accounts for 25% of all formula fed babies, I would think a warning label might ought be scotch-taped to the canister.

*sigh* I must end it here. If you have a kid with allergies of any kind, I strongly recommend this book!

on 2011

2012-01-01T22:24:00.002-05:00

I was reflecting today via Skype with Sean. 2011 was a pret-ty great year for us.

The two bigs & I ringing in the new year with Sean. :)

*It was the year he miraculously didn't deploy. Still don't really get it, but I'll take it all day long. I never documented what his GDM said in response to the off-the-record reasons Sean didn't end up going..."I don't know who you place your faith in, but you need to keep it there." I agree. And it's God, btw, in case you were wondering. In the chaos of the past four months, getting here, missing him and trying to rationalize all this being apart stuff-I sometimes forget to be thankful that he is here(well, there here, not here here). Not deployed. Not in a war zone. Not around the world, just across the country. I can chat with him all day long if I want. It sucks to be apart, but I'm glad he didn't deploy again.
*It was the year he got in to anesthesia school. Praise the Lord, we have been waiting so long for this! It's finally upon us and I am so excited to see what new adventures await.
*It was the year we truly started to understand some very basic principles from the Bible that we(and probably 99% of Christians) previously overlooked/misunderstood/rationalized away/ignored.
*It was the year we took control of our health.
*It was the year we took control of our finances.
*It was the year we finally got on the same page about a whole lotta stuff. Thanks for being persistent, Love, and patient. :D
*It was the year we spent a Texas summer in the motorhome and lived to tell about it.
*It was the year we celebrated ten years of marriage.
*It was the year we started homeschooling.

There are a lot more little things and maybe even some big things I'm forgetting, but those are the ones that stand out.

This new year is going to be full of all kinds of exciting challenges, but I am so looking forward to all that it holds in store. The past few years I've chosen a word instead of a resolution. One little word to define my year. This one kind of spills over from last year. Compel.

There are so many Bible verses I could link, but...there are so many.

I want to be compelled to continue seeking the Truth in so many areas. In Christ, food matters, politics(kind of an oxymoron there-truth in politics-HA). I like to learn. I am enthralled by the truth. I am compelled to keep looking and digging and discovering. I am compelled to share it with others. I want to compel people to change their lives as I continue to change mine. The thing I like about the word compel is that it is so strong that it almost doesn't give you a choice. This desire to speak or share comes so strongly that the obvious response is to just speak or act.

I want the truth so deeply ingrained in me that I speak nothing else. I want the truth so deeply ingrained in me that I don't have the option to waiver. I want to be compelled by Truth.

WAIT!

2012-01-01T11:41:00.000-05:00

I was finishing up my last week of Project Life and realized I haven't posted a TON of great memories.
While on the subject, I do plan to do Project Life again for 2012. I started a bit late in 2011, but have every week from April-December documented and I am so glad I started and stuck with it. It's something everyone, ~~even~~ especially non-scrapbookers should do. I guess I fall into that category now, so Project Life has become my form of memory keeping.
The only products I use that are actually for PL are the page protectors. Even those I don't use exclusively. I mix in these and these when I need more room(or less if I didn't take as many pix) or want to change it up a bit.

I use a plain ole American Crafts album because they're awesome-unless your husband moves it while it's not closed correctly and the entire binder ring system detatches from the binding...

I'm not ready for 2012 just yet. At least not here on the blog. I have so many things I never got around to posting. So, pretend your tree's still up and take a gander at my Christmas if you wish. I'm having issues with Blogger jacking up my pictures again. Anybody else dealing with that? I'm sizing them the same as always, but they look like junk on here. Oh well, you get the idea and I'm sorta too lazy to go back and resize all these just for ye olde blog.

My amazingly talented cousin came all the way from OH to spend Christmas with us. On Christmas Eve he sat down and sketched a sleeping Titus. I will cherish it forever and can't wait to have a wall to hang it on. :D

Christmas Eve we spent the night at my sister's where the Nativity story was read by my niece and acted out by a bunch of knuckleheads with a porcelain Nativity set.

Titus helped put out cookies for Santa. He was quite eager to get the plate full.

Michael wasn't all that excited about his role as angel, though he did a mean flutter with that porcelain winged being.

Christmas Day we had a big meal + presents at my mom's. Sean's sister and Grandpa joined us. :)

The day after, my sister had a big brunch + more presents. I took a few snapshots of my brother's family as they don't get a ton of family pictures for obvious reasons. When I think of having more kids, this is exactly what I imagine...

A good chaos. :) I got a few of my sister's family, too.

Other than that, it was just chatting and eating and catching up and making memories. I finally got to meet the newest addition to the family:

She is the fattest, happiest baby I have ever seen. Such a sweet baby!

More togetherness. I love this one. I told everybody to not look at the camera. This may be the only shot that Alaina actually did look at the camera. Love the interaction and connections and communication I see between each person.

I guess that's it.
Now I'm ready to move on to 2012. :)

Fat Friday

2012-01-01T01:07:00.002-05:00

another guest post by my dear, sweet husband. He did, in fact, get it to me by Friday(his time). Enjoy...Some of it I did not know and it's quite vomit worthy.

5 Food Facts to Chew on

5. The common bread ingredient L-cysteine is derived from human hair.

If you read the ingredients label on a loaf of bread, you will usually find an ingredient named L-cysteine. It is a non-essential amino acid added to many baked goods as a dough conditioner in order to speed industrial processing. It’s usually not added directly to flour intended for home use. While some L-cysteine is directly synthesized in laboratories, most of it is extracted from a cheap and abundant natural protein source: human hair. The hair is dissolved in acid and L-cysteine is isolated through a chemical process. Other sources of L-cysteine include chicken feathers and duck feathers. This is just another cheap source to make more cheap processed food in America.

Sources: http://www.kashrut.com/articles/L_cysteine http://naturalnews.com/032718_L-cysteine_commercial_bread.html

4. Chicken McNuggets contain an industrial chemical.

According to the McDonald’s Corporation, its famous Chicken McNuggets are made with ingredients including sodium phosphates, “partially hydrogenated soybean oil and cottonseed oil with mono -and diglycerides,” sodium acid pyrophosphate, ammonium bicarbonate, mono-calcium phosphate, “hydrogenated soybean oil with TBHQ and citric acid added to preserve freshness” and “Dimethylpolysiloxane added as an antifoaming agent.”

At least two of these ingredients are artificially synthesized industrial chemicals. TBHQ, a petroleum derivative, is used as a stabilizer in perfumes, resins, varnishes and oil field chemicals. Laboratory studies have linked it to stomach tumors. Dimethylpolysiloxane, a type of silicone, is used in caulks and sealants, filler for breast implants, and as a key ingredient in Silly Putty. Not that the other ingredients are any better. Because cotton is not regulated as a food crop, cottonseed oil may contain toxic pesticides that are banned in food production. It is also almost always genetically modified. Hydrogenated oils, of course contain Trans fats that are unusable by the human body and increase your chances for heart disease and death. Well get me another happy meal because I’m lovin it! Aren’t you?

Sources: http://nutrition.mcdonalds.com/nutritionexchange/ingredientslist.pdf

http://www.slashfood.com/2010/06/29/the-silly-secret-about-chicken-mcnuggets/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TBHQ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dimethylpolysiloxane

3. When a package states “0 grams Trans fats” do not be fooled. Labeling laws allow companies to put that on the label but can actually have up to 500mg of Trans fats per serving.

Advertising is what sells a product and companies spend fortunes to get the dollars out of your back pocket and into their piggy banks. They will stop and nothing to increase productivity and profit. Forget about having quality materials and ingredients. It’s all about the Benjamins baby!

How do they get away with this crafty but nefarious act? It’s simple really. Take a look at one of these packages that is labeled “0 grams Trans fat” and look at the ingredients. You may see something called mono and diglycerides. Those are the hidden ingredients right in the open, but they are not categorized as fatty acids or cholesterols. What are they then? They are listed as emulsifiers which are what help fatty acids mix into solution better with ingredients that don’t like to play nice with them. Because they are classified in this manner they are not counted as fatty acids, but you can rest assured they contain trans fats due to heat and processing used to make the food item. Another tricky way companies get around this labeling issue is to manipulate the serving sizes to stay within the limits. So if an item has 8 servings per container then it could have as much as 4 grams trans fat total. How many people do you know that eat the proper serving size anyway? Rule of thumb, is to just stay away from foods that have any mention of hydrogenated anything, overtly state is some gaudy color “Zero grams trans fat” or use mono and diglycerides in the ingredients. Your waist and your heart will be much better off without them.

2. High-fructose corn syrup, found in many foods, is made using a toxic chemical catalyst (something that speeds a process up).

High-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) is used as a sweetener in nearly all mainstream packaged foods in the United States, from bread to soda and even breakfast cereal. It has been blamed for increasing the number of empty calories in the U.S. diet, and researchers have even linked it to diabetes and obesity. Another danger from this ubiquitous ingredient comes from the toxic chemicals that are used to turn corn into corn starch and then into HFCS. One of these chemicals, glutaraldehyde, is so dangerous that small quantities can burn holes in the human stomach. Like other chemical disinfectants, it can severely irritate the lungs, eyes and throat and can cause headaches or dizziness if inhaled. Because two of the chemicals used in HFCS production introduce mercury into the mix, a recent study found that between one-third and one-half of all HFCS-containing products on the market tested positive for mercury contamination. In some cases, the level of mercury was high enough that a woman eating an average amount of HFCS as represented in the American diet could ingest more than five times the maximum recommended upper limit of mercury.

Recommendation is to eliminate this chemical from your diet altogether. It has devastating consequences to your health and is not worth it. If you have a raging sweet tooth consider alternative sugars such as Truvia, Stevia, Erythritol or Maltitol. DO NOT USE SUGAR SUBSTITUTES SUCH AS SPLENDA, NUTRASWEET, ASPARTAME, EQUAL, SUCRALOSE, OR AGAVE NECTAR! I will get into these deadly sugar alternatives in another post, but for now please avoid them and try the ones mentioned above. They will sweeten anything you like and have virtually zero calories. Did I mention they taste great too?(wife stepping in here to say that truvia does not taste great...I use raw cane sugar. It has calories, but no aftertaste and is sure to be better than regular ole table sugar)

Sources:

http://www.naturalnews.com/025442_HFCS_Corn_Refiners_Association.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glutaraldehyde

http://www.slate.com/id/2216796

http://blog.friendseat.com/is-there-mercury-in-high-fructose-corn-syrup

1. Unless they’re organic, nearly all corn or soy products or byproducts on the U.S. market are genetically modified and may place your health at risk.

More than 90 percent of all soybeans grown in the United States are genetically modified (GM) for herbicide resistance and are consequently sprayed with massive quantities of those toxic chemicals. Fully 85 percent of all corn grown in the country is also genetically engineered, either for herbicide resistance or to produce pesticides within its tissues. Since farmers sell their corn and soy to large distributors who mix the product together for processing, this essentially means that 100 percent of nonorganic corn and soy products on the U.S. market are GM. And since soy and corn derivatives are so ubiquitous in packaged food, the Grocery Manufacturers of America has estimated that as much as 80 percent of processed food on U.S. shelves contains GM ingredients.

GM crops are simply unsafe. They expose people to novel and potentially dangerous allergens and to higher levels of pesticides. Animals grazing on GM crops have died from ruptured internal organs. Yet this is the type of food making up 80 percent of packaged food today. The only way to avoid it is to buy organic or to grow it yourself.

I know this stuff sounds hokey and belongs on the sci-fi channel, but it is real and it’s happening right under your nose. Don’t believe me? Just take a moment to Google a company by the name of Monsanto and how they are genetically engineering crops to have pesticides built into the seeds so they will be resistant to bugs. If bugs don’ want to eat the stuff, why in the world would I want to eat it?

Sources: http://www.gmocompass.org/eng/agri_biotechnology/gmo_planting/341.genetically_modified_maize_global_area_under_cultivation.html

http://www.organicconsumers.org/articles/article_18445.cfm

http://www.calgefree.org/facts_on_ge.html

Cun-sins

2011-12-28T00:14:00.000-05:00

Titus was going through his list tonight: "War-ren? Jesus? Nic Nic?"-how cute is it that he thinks Jesus is his cousin, btw?"Yep," I said, urging him on with, "Isaac..."
"Whose-at?" he asked.
"Your cousin." I said
"Oh. My cun-sin? Yeah, my cun-sin. They're all mine? They're all mine!"

I'm so glad all these crazy kids are getting reacquainted.

I had a moment or ~~two~~ ten that I was on the verge of not being able to control my emotions over the past few days. Seeing my family all together for the first Christmas in yeeeeeeeears was enough to get me weepy. Seeing one very important piece of that family missing was enough to push me over the edge a time or two. Having my nephew(who was a skinny, little Simon-sized dude last time I saw him) walk up to me and grab me in a grown man style hug got me choking back sobs.

Distance doesn't define us. The stinking Air Force and Navy, nursing and investigating and retiredom and motherhood doesn't define us. Situations and missed birthdays and not meeting new family members until they're a year old does not define us. Heartache and missing spouses and autism doesn't define us. Little ones not remembering their cousins and mini van growth and a cat hunt during a photo shoot does not define us.

Love defines us. The love of a Savior that has rescued us vagabonds. The love of parents that have stayed together. The love of siblings, the grown ones and the little ones. The love of family. My God, how I love these people. Thank you thank you thank you for placing me in this family.

Yep

2011-12-22T13:14:00.001-05:00

I'll be making this:

Powdered Detergent

2 cups finely grated soap
1 cup washing soda
1 cup borax

1. Mix well and store in an airtight plastic container.

2. Use 2 tablespoons per full load.

Sodium lauryl sulfate is a surfactant, detergent and emulsifier used in thousands of industrial cleaners and cosmetic products. It is present in nearly all shampoos, scalp treatments, hair color and bleaching agents, toothpastes, body washes and cleansers, make-up foundations, liquid hand soaps, and laundry detergents.

Although SLS originates from coconuts, the chemical is anything but natural.

SLS is mixed with sulfur trioxide or chlorosulfuric acid and then neutralized with aqueous sodium hydroxide (lye). SLS is the sodium salt of lauryl sulfate and is classified by the Environmental Working Group (EWG) Cosmetics Database as a "denaturant, surfactant cleansing agent, emulsifier and foamer," rated "moderate hazard."

Similar to sodium lauryl sulfate (SLS) is sodium laureth sulfate (short for sodium lauryl ether sulfate, or SLES), a yellow detergent with higher foaming ability. SLES is considered to be slightly less irritating than SLS. SLS goes by other names, including:

Sodium dodecyl sulfate
Sulfuric acid, monododecyl ester, sodium salt
Sodium salt sulfuric acid
Monododecyl ester sodium salt sulfuric acid
A13-00356
Akyposal SDS
Aquarex ME
Aquarex methyl

Ammonium lauryl sulfate (ALS) is another variation commonly put into cosmetics and cleansers to make them foam. ALS is similar to SLS, showing similar risks.

Irritation of the skin and eyes

Organ toxicity

Developmental/reproductive toxicity

Neurotoxicity, endocrine disruption, ecotoxicology, and biochemical or cellular changes

Possible mutations and cancer (well, gee, if they're only possible...)-that part, I added.

From mercola.com. The rest of the article here.

Once you start connecting the dots...

Hydrogenated Oils

2011-12-21T23:01:00.002-05:00

The other day I asked Sean to explain hydrogenated oils to me. I got a tad lost and asked him to write it down for me in a way I could understand it. He sent me this. I love the way he explains things. I get it! Do you?

How Hydrogenated Foods Are Killing You

What are hydrogenated oils? This one substance can be seen in nearly every food item found in your local grocery store. They are found in just about every processed food, but especially in foods such as cakes, cookies, breads, pastries, etc. Once one starts looking, though, it will become quite apparent that they can show up in just about anything and some food items will just shock you. I will get into that later on. Before I get into how these oils are dangerous for human consumption let me explain, briefly, the history surrounding the process of hydrogenation.

The process of hydrogenation has been around for a long time. Its first patents were just after the turn of the twentieth century around 1911. It was after a gentleman extracted the oils from cottonseed and hydrogenated it to form a solid block. This substance was shown to Proctor and Gamble and they loved it. They called it Crisco and put it on the market immediately. Crisco is short for crystallized cottonseed by the way. This stuff was supposed to replace lard and various other animal-fat based products on the market. What happened?

People hated it. They were not using it so Proctor and Gamble ended up giving the stuff away for free! This was the starting point for the public being introduced to hydrogenated food.

How do hydrogenated oils hurt me? The answer lies in how they are created. I say "created" because the process of hydrogenation creates something that is not a natural food product. This alone should be enough to stop a Twinkie from reaching your mouth.

To hydrogenate an oil such as cottonseed, sunflower, soybean, etc. they first extract the oil from the plant. This is usually done through some form of heating process or boiling. The oils are heated to about 400 degrees F and hydrogen gas is blasted into the solution. Next, a metallic catalyst is added such as aluminum, cobalt or nickel. Without these metals the process would not happen. The end goal to all of this is get more hydrogen into the fatty acids. The process is quite successful at doing this but at the expense of our health.

The fatty acids that are created are called “trans” fats acids because they have taken normal fatty acids and transformed them. The heat, metallic compounds and added hydrogen cause the fatty acid to take on a whole new shape. The problem with this is that the human body does not know how to deal with this substance. What does the body end up doing?

Before I get to what the body does with this crap, let me say something about fats for a moment. We have all been told at one point that “fat is bad.” So what do we do? Most people just dogmatically stay away from all types of fat. What happens to them? They usually still end up fat and unhealthy to boot. The key to understanding health is really very simple. Everything you eat becomes a part of you. Most people understand this concept theoretically, but in practice seem to think that you can eat a few less calories or maybe switch to “diet” foods and health will be on the way. Wrong!

Let me give a real crude but simple health lesson involving nutrition. All food can be broken down into three structural compounds: Carbohydrates (Sugars), Fats and Protein. Take a guess as to what the human body can be broken down to (excluding bone)…carbs, fats and proteins. During our day to day lives we are constantly building and breaking down our bodies. We need to build and repair this stuff and our repair shop is the refrigerator not our medicine cabinet. Remember that true health never came in the form of a prescription drug.

In our bodies, fats play an immensely important role. They help cells talk to one another, help create hormones, are the building blocks for nerve tissues, and are in the lining of every cell membrane. Why is this important? The way something functions in the body is heavily dependent on its structure or form. When you screw up the form you will mess up the function. That is what happens with “trans” fatty acids.

Because they were transformed into something totally new they do not function like they normally would. The body still integrates them into the body, but now the body is going to start having trouble. Cell membranes will not function properly. Nerve tissue will not work right. Hormones will be all messed up. The list goes on and on. The most detrimental side effect is that on the heart. Trans fats alter the ratio of LDL to HDL cholesterol levels. Without getting to complex, LDL is the bad one and HDL is the good one. LDL carries stuff to an area while HDL carries stuff away. Trans fats increase the LDL and decrease the HDL. The end result is plaques in the blood vessels especially in the heart and this leads to what we know as a “heart attack.”

Still not convinced? I don’t blame you, but take a gander at the statistics surrounding trans fats and hydrogenated foods since they were created. How many cases of Type II Diabetes were diagnosed before the year 1940? The answer is zero!! It did not exist. What also took place around this time? Hydrogenated foods were introduced into the food supply around this time on a nationwide scale. In 1900 heart disease was an old man’s disease and was essentially unknown. There were about 1000 cases of diagnosed heart disease in 1910. Compare that with 58.5 million cases diagnosed in 2005! That is a 5,850% increase. Diabetes has had roughly the same increase in incidence from 1940 to 2007 of about 5,800%.

The numbers speak for themselves folks. The correlation is almost too obvious, but nobody cares enough about their health to make a change. These substances prevail in the food supply because most people are too “busy” to do anything about it. Really? What is everyone so busy doing that they cannot take responsibility for their own health? The manufacturers are counting on you being either busy of lazy and not keeping them honest. These processed foods are cheaply made and deadly. Is your health really worth saving a dollar here or two dollars there? You may save money now, but you will pay for it in the long run. Stop eating this stuff and they will have to stop making it. The choice is yours.

***

I picked up four things today alone that have hydrogenated oils in them. Creepy stuff our bodies have become. Being a lab rat for the big corporations is no longer for me. I sincerely hope more people will make a switch. This garbage is only on the grocery store shelves b/c there's obviously some kind of demand for it.

nine

2011-12-18T02:15:00.000-05:00

*sigh* At the top of the hill of boyhood. How on earth did we get here?

Top set(edits look a lil wonky on here...) taken a few weeks ago. Bottom set taken today.

by my niece, Lauren :)

All boys should have a brother. :)

2011-12-18T01:43:00.000-05:00

We planned to party at the park. It was cold/all two of the "pavilions" were reserved. We came home instead. S said he didn't make a wish when he blew out the candles. Either he's the most depressing kid on earth or he already has everything he could ever wish for. I know I do.

SO him right now. Whenever he's the center of attention,
he's got his hands in his mouth

All he asked for was a pocket knife. Unfortunately, he saw the one Grandma bought him before it was wrapped. Unfortunately, he told me so. Unfortunately, I took it back since the surprise was ruined. Or so he thought. Feefs helped me wrap the presents with the threat that if he even hinted about a single present he had to forfeit a Christmas present of his own to replace it. He was pretty excited to help me wrap the pocket knife in a layer of heavy duty packaging tape over the wrapping paper. :) It was the last present he opened and all the kids got in on the ~~aggravation~~ excitement of trying to get it undone, all the while guessing what it could be.

A good day for my boy on his last day of being eight.

buh-bye

2011-12-17T11:04:00.006-05:00

I am no longer a slave to Facebook.

I figure the friends that need to reach me know how. Those that don't probably weren't friends to begin with. It was fun, it fed the nosy.

Upon deactivating, it gives you a list of "friends who will miss you." Oddly enough, one of them is my husband, who has not been on Facebook for who knows how long, and the three others were people I didn't even realize I was friends with. Good stuff.

What do I have to gain?

2011-12-15T14:16:00.003-05:00

Truth is not what you want it to be, truth is truth.

Buying groceries is fairly simple. Relocating shouldn't affect that. Unless, of course, you buy local. Back home, I have/had relationships with my farmers. I had a few organic-ish grocery stores at my disposal. Returning to the land that time forgot has been a bit difficult as far as finding good food is concerned. There are a few stores that have organic sections, but the small town feel is definitely front and center when it comes to tracking down good food.

I've had a few awkward moments when it comes to stating my opinions about such things. When I open my big mouth and proclaim a fact about an ingredient. When I try to say something nicely but fail miserably. I am not a confrontational person. I tend to just "let things go." Well, I used to. When it comes to what I put into my body and my kids bodies, I'm quite vocal. I believe so strongly in the consequences of bad food choices that I am compelled to speak out.

It isn't up to me what other people choose to eat. I hope to be a positive influence, but I understand people have to make their own choices. This is not a fad for me. This isn't just something I like to do, this eating real food thing. I wish I was still in my blissful bubble of ignorance about things like high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated/partially hydrogenated, mono glycerides, words that you need a bio-chem degree to understand. That's not true. I'm glad I know what I know. I can admit that I don't know everything. I've barely scratched the surface of all that there is to know about our food supply. I get that.

What I do know is that processed foods are killing people. What I do know is that not only are we affected physically by what we consume, but mentally. What I do know is that I have never felt as if I'm missing out by not consuming the crap I used to call food. What I do know is that when I'm attempting to find a diamond in the rough of a chain grocery store, I want to scream. What I do know is that people are busy and short on time and cash. What I do know is that the average American doesn't really have the extras to devote to investigating what goes into their grocery cart. What I do know is that the food industry has done a marvelous job of fooling us. The marketing, from the pretty colors on the packaging to the way it's displayed in the grocery store serves one purpose: to get the consumers money. What I do know is that it just makes sense. What I do know is that the chemistry behind these food additives is so involved that they are counting on people not taking the time to investigate. What I do know is that every single day I hear a story that confirms this truth. What I do know is that when I hear about a person being diagnosed with a disease my first thought is wondering about their lifestyle as far as food/medication are concerned.

So when I get on a rant, gentle or boisterous as it may be, it's not out of anything but love. What do I have to gain? What is in it for me by telling others to care about what they're putting into their bodies?

Think about that for a second. It goes so far beyond just food. It comes down to Truth on very many levels. What do I care if you eat locally grown? What do I care if you eat foods that last five years on the shelf? What do I care if you Big Dubbie cakes and Frato pies? What do I care?

I care because I love people. The people I am most passionate towards are the ones I love the most. I actually cry about this stuff. It's a passion to see my loved ones healthy. It's not a pride issue or a matter of having to be right. It's a matter of having connected the dots and wanting to spread the facts in hopes of change. I am compelled to share the Truth in more aspects of my life than just food.

By God, I am going to speak the Truth. I will not water it down. There are people who recognize a problem and ignore it and there are people who recognize a problem and fix it. I'm just trying to do what I can to push more folks into that second category.

Around here

2011-12-15T00:23:00.001-05:00

A friend of ours has a zip line. I have boys.

Favorite picture of the day! LOVE their faces. So funny.

Cool things happen in this neighborhood. We have zip lines,
we have airplanes, we have room to roam...

We have possums...

&at the end of the day, I have the greatest kid ever with an eye for
beauty. I have never seen a more perfectly symmetrical, well bloomed flower.

It was all good til he jabbed himself in the eye with the leaf.
The beautiful flower ended up shredded by the angry hands of a
six year old.

Documented

2011-12-15T00:06:00.002-05:00

I saw a Christmas card the other day that really put me in a funk. The picture on the card was so photographically perfect. Sharp, good tones, nice pose, cute kid. After going cross eyed editting the last two weeks of snapshots, I revived the funkiness. None of my pictures are sharp. The tones suck as they're mostly indoor pictures, late in the day. I was really beating myself up and then two things happened.
Okay, three, if you count the excuse I used of not having the exact lens I want.

A friend of mine sent me a text as I was going through my crap pictures. It was a picture of her pictures hanging on her walls. Pictures I took. She said some very flattering things that totally lifted my spirits at just the right moment.

Right after that, I got to these three pictures.

In the first one, Grandpa told me I could take "one pitcha" before he started charging me. I took that to mean he wasn't thrilled to have my speedlite flashing in his face.

It was this one that got my attention. The interaction between these two men in my life. Sean was showing his Grandpa his flight suit. When I see this picture, I don't see the crappy lighting, the unsharp, blurry edges. My eyes don't notice the wall paper or the noise.

I see a man that is so incredibly lucky to have his 90 year old Grandpa still by his side. I see a man that is so full of love for his grandson. I see pride. I see a relationship that exists outside of me, outside of the history I have with Grandpa. I see the inside jokes that I laugh along with but don't really get. I see the kid Sean was and the younger version of Grandpa that I never knew. Love documented.

I'll take it. I'd rather have one true to life picture that shows love than a thousand perfect portraits that don't tell me a story.

*Note to husband who may possibly still have a Christmas present to buy: This does not mean I don't need that lens. I would like to combine both beautiful portraits and love/stories.

Flo-town

2011-12-14T23:47:00.001-05:00

A few snapshots from the first couple of days. Sean got these happy snaps that I was so sure wouldn't turn out with the low light. I just love the sense of togetherness in these. I don't love the soda consuming going on by my loved ones, but I'm working on it.

Don't do it!

S&I got to go on a date. I'll admit that we ended up at a local grocery store
looking for healthy consumables to sustain us while here.
Not much luck, but we'll survive.

Simon's playing basketball now. He's actually pretty good.

Monkey see...

I didn't even ask them to act like this. Imagine that. Love that T's idea
of a funny face looks an awful lot like pushing dentures in.

Max, who is technically the neighbor's cat. My kids have invaded his space
& he's delegated to the laundry room. Stinks to be you, Cat.

I couldn't NOT post the straw up the nose shot. :) BTW, the $2.75 no refill
latte at this local joint...tastes suspiciously like regular ole Folgers.

Documented. For those times I want to bash the man. He's pretty awesome.

at Grandma & Grandpa's

2011-12-14T23:33:00.001-05:00

Wanted to get the last few weeks documented...

Tito found the candy dish...

Notice the tiny little smirk...
That's the smirk of a child devising a plan.

His pouty walk on the way to find Grandpa. I did give him a piece or two...

Christmas came early...

I don't know why this picture didn't get deleted.
I just love it. From a mama's perspective.

Putting the pilot in the seat. :)
The same scene took place at least 18,000 times over the course of the trip.

Thank you hugs.

After the festivities died down, we did a lot of lazing about...

It was a great trip and we left with the heart knowledge that we need to do this more often. Can't wait to make another trip back to Memphis!

Ben

2011-12-10T11:13:00.001-05:00

The other night I was having a chat with the big two while passing out the second round of goodnight kisses.

"Would you guys rather stay here with Grandma and Grandpa or go back to San Antonio with Daddy?"-I asked. The unanimous vote was to stay here. I then had to explain that that means we're never going back to San Antonio, at least not to live. Felix's main concern was our life group. Simon comforted him with,

"Well, we'll just have to get a new life group when we move to Maryland."
"Yeah, a better life group?"-Felix asked hesitantly.
"Nah, our life group is the best. It will just be a different life group." Simon answered, oh-so-wisely.

I was already choking back sobs at this point when Felix pulled his blanket up over his mouth and his big ole eyes filled up with tears, "Ben always plays with me...he's kind of my best friend," he sniffed out.

And with that conversation, my kids finally understand what life in the military is all about.

Soda Pop

2011-12-08T00:55:00.000-05:00

My dad asked me the other day, "Do you see God's hand in all this?"-pertaining to the timing of all the chaos that seems to have enveloped our lives.I replied, "Maybe I'm here to persuade you to stop drinking soda."
He came back with, "I don't think that's God's will."

:) I do.

Sometimes I send subliminal messages in my blog. This one is pretty blatant. From mercola.com. I know my dad isn't my only reader to consume, so please take the time to read this if you are a heavy drinker.

The Top Reason to Give Soda the Boot …

Some of you reading this are undoubtedly thinking, how bad could soda really be? From my perspective, there is absolutely NO REASON you or your kids should ever drink soda. If you were stranded in the middle of a desert with no other fluid available, then maybe, but other than that … none, nada, zip, zero. No excuses.
From a health perspective, drinking Coke or any soft drink is a disaster. Just one extra can of soda per day can add as much as 15 pounds to your weight over the course of a single year, not to mention increase your risk of diabetes by 85 percent. The primary reason why soda is so dangerous to your health?

Fructose.

The fructose content of the high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) used in many popular soda brands has been sorely underestimated. Around 100 years ago the average American consumed a mere 15 grams of fructose a day, primarily in the form of fruit. One hundred years later, one fourth of Americans are consuming more than 135 grams per day, largely in the form of soda.

Fructose at 15 grams a day is harmless (unless you suffer from high uric acid levels). However, at nearly 10 times that amount it becomes a major cause of obesity and nearly all chronic degenerative diseases. Instead of consisting of 55 percent fructose and 45 percent glucose, many soda brands, including Coke, Pepsi and Sprite, contain as much as 65 percent fructose, nearly 20 percent higher than originally believed.

According to one study, the mean fructose content of all 23 sodas tested was 59 percent -- higher than claimed by the industry. When you consider that Americans drink an average of 53 to 57 gallons of soda per year (depending on the source of your statistics), this difference in actual fructose content could make a huge difference in your health.

The Down and Dirty About Fructose

The American Beverage Association and other front groups will try to persuade you that fructose in high fructose corn syrup is no worse for you than sugar, but this is not true. ABA also claims there is "no association between high fructose corn syrup and obesity," but a long lineup of scientific studies suggest otherwise.
For example:
Dr. David Ludwig of Boston Children's Hospital did a study of the effects of sugar-sweetened drinks on obesity in children. He found that for each additional serving of a sugar-sweetened drink, both body mass index and odds of obesity increased.
The Fizzy Drink Study in Christchurch, England explored the effects on obesity when soda machines were removed from schools for one year. In the schools where the machines were removed, obesity stayed constant. In the schools where soda machines remained, obesity rates continued to rise.
In a 2009 study, 16 volunteers were fed a controlled diet including high levels of fructose. Ten weeks later, the volunteers had produced new fat cells around their hearts, livers and other digestive organs. They also showed signs of food-processing abnormalities linked to diabetes and heart disease. A second group of volunteers who were fed a similar diet, but with glucose replacing fructose, did not have these problems.
Fructose is also a likely culprit behind the millions of U.S. children struggling with non-alcoholic liver disease, which is caused by a build-up of fat within liver cells. Fructose is very hard on your liver, in much the same way as drinking alcohol.
Liver burden number one: After eating fructose, 100 percent of the metabolic burden rests on your liver—ONLY your liver can break it down. This is much different than consuming glucose, in which your liver has to break down only 20 percent, and the remaining 80 percent is immediately metabolized and used by the rest of the cells in your body.
Liver burden number two: Fructose is converted into fat that gets stored in your liver and other tissues as body fat. Part of what makes fructose so bad for your health is that it is metabolized to fat in your body far more rapidly than any other sugar. For example, if you eat 120 calories of fructose, 40 calories are stored as fat. But if you eat the same amount of glucose, less than one calorie gets stored as fat. Consuming fructose is essentially consuming fat!
Fructose metabolism is very similar to the way alcohol is metabolized, which has a multitude of toxic metabolites that, if consumed in excess, can lead to non-alcoholic liver disease. For a complete discussion of fructose metabolism, see my comprehensive article about this.

Diet Soda is NOT a Safe Alternative to Regular Soda

If you think you're better off drinking diet soda, think again. In fact, if I had to choose between the two, I'd take regular soda over diet. Instead of fructose, diet soda contains artificial sweeteners, such as aspartame or sucralose (Splenda). With all the research now available on aspartame and its various ingredients, it's hard to believe such a chemical would even be allowed into the food supply, but it is, and it's been silently wreaking havoc with people's health for the past 30 years.

Just to refresh your memory, aspartame has been linked to the following health concerns, and Splenda is associated with many similar problems:

Lymphomas, leukemias, and brain cancer	Asthma
Neurological symptoms including headaches, depressed and anxious mood, seizures, memory loss, hallucinations, and dizziness	Visual changes
Weakness and fatigue	Joint pain
Sleep disorders	Weight gain and diabetes
Abdominal cramps, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea	Rashes and hives

All content is from mercola.com. Not my words, but his...a medical doctor. Not a tree huggin' hippie vegan, a doctor. :)

Yes, God?

2011-12-07T13:25:00.000-05:00

Last week, the short version...
Sunday, we said a very emotional good-bye to a group of amazing people. I have never felt so loved in my entire life. To have people talk about us in such a meaninful way straight to our faces, it meant more than I can put into words.

Monday, the movers came. They boxed up all of our worldly possessions, put them on a truck and drove away. Before they were even out of sight, Sean got a phone call.

Ring a ding ding

The back and forth game started. There were a lot of maybes up in the air, but we decided to go with plan A since nothing was definite and there was still a lot of "possibly" chatter going on.

Monday night, we put Mack in storage and spent the night at a very gracious friend's house.

Tuesday, we drove all day and got to Sean's parents house around midnight. Sean spent what felt like two solid days on the phone with a bazillion different people.

Some time between Tuesday and Thursday, when we got to my parent's house, we got a solid, "Your deployment has been canceled."

While this is a good thing, a GREAT thing, it really throws a wrench in our plans. We've been preparing for this deployment for months. Knowing it was coming, followed by a move, we lived in a motorhome. With three kids. For foooooour months.

That decision led to the decision for me and the boys to stay with family during the deployment. I thought it would be a great opportunity to spend time with family, let the boys get reaquainted with their cousins, visit with friends, etc etc.

Now, I'm torn.

I said premature good-byes. I'm missing a very important homecoming. I'm homesick for a place that really isn't home anymore. Sean is missing Simon's birthday and Christmas for no reason, really. I wish the powers that be had come to this conclusion earlier. If they'd decided just one day sooner, we would've had time to make some adjustments to our plans.

That said, I have to think there's some divine intervention at play here.

We're sticking with plan A for now. Sean's getting on a plane and flying home while me and the boys stay here in SC. It's just for a few months, it's mortgage free living, Sean has a lot to do before school starts, yada yada yada. All the reasons and excuses have been made, but I still feel like this is a decision we're making. To be apart.

"Why be apart if you don't have to?"-Susannah asked.

It's the same question my heart's been asking. The military forces separation enough as it is, I really don't want to make that choice. People have offered us a place to stay, but it's a bit intrusive when it's five people X four months. I get overwhelmed by this crew and they're my kids.

The emotions are kicking in. Last night, I got a tad teary eyed over the Chipmunk Song. It was a mix of knowing what's coming and memories of the kid on the Bass. I'm gonna miss Sean, but I get to spend time with my family. It'll suck to be apart, but at least there aren't oceans and war separating us this time.

For now, I/we're rolling with it. I'm too confused to do anything else.

23NOV

2011-11-24T22:13:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful for the post that I still can't write.Thankful that there are people I love so much in this city that I can't even write about it.

As excited as I am for the next step, I sure am gonna miss ~~this place~~ these people.
I'm thankful to have met you, grateful to have known you and anticipating our reunions wherever and whenever they may be.

22NOV

2011-11-22T10:38:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful that the Bible addresses the simple things, too. Well, seemingly simple, but actually quite huge.

I've been struggling with an issue lately that I need to write down. It's something we all struggle with. I was chatting with a friend last night that was hurt by this very issue.

Talking.
Back-stabbing.
Venting.
Slandering.
Call it what you may.

It's part of our sin nature. It's something I'm working on overcoming. When I think a bad thought about someone or have the gut reaction to say something behind their back, I go to Eph 4:29-32:

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

Read that again. If you think it doesn't apply to you, read it again. And then again. And maybe one more time, slowly, for good measure.

No one is fully compatible. Everyone is going to have issues with someone. Co-workers, family members, spouses, friends, family members. People feel offended or hurt by someone and they think it justifies talking bad about them. I'm guilty of it and I know I'm not unique in that.

When I was texting back and forth with my friend last night, I was stopped in my tracks again by the fact that it was happening again within a family. FAMILY!

The Bible tells us that we're supposed to love our enemies, how much more should we love our family?!

In Luke 6:27-36, Jesus(it's in RED, just sayin'...) addresses this little tidbit of humanity again. He gives us a few verbs pertaining to our enemies. Enemies, I say(err, He says)! Love, do good, bless and pray for enemies. Should there be any confusion, enemies encompass "those who hate you, curse you, spitefully use you, strike you."

In vs 32...If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.

You're in charge of your mouth. Words are powerful. Use them to build up, not tear down. Imagine every word you speak about someone getting back to them. Would it crush their spirit? It's not just "words to live by," it's the Word of God.

Filed under: notes to self.

21NOV

2011-11-21T22:01:00.001-05:00

A simple thing today...I'm thankful I saw a giant toad tonight.
I'm thankful Sean let the kids pick it up.
I'm thankful that the very first thing my Felix thought to do was run inside and grab his "camera." :) Unfortunately, I can't get the picture off his DSi, but it's there.
I'm thankful we had that moment together, chasing a toad with a flashlight.

20NOV

2011-11-20T22:24:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful that today gets us one step closer to the light at the end of this very, very, very long tunnel.
I'm thankful that November is going by quickly.
I'm thankful that we're so busy I don't really have time to stop and think about Sean leaving.

19NOV

2011-11-20T22:19:00.001-05:00

I was thankful yesterday for a hike with my boys. Sometimes I forget there's a two and a half year old in the family and come up with stupid ideas such as, "Let's go hiking!" Sometimes I throw caution to the wind and say, "Just go, don't look at a map," or "Nah, let's keep going. It can't be that much farther." Sometimes I ignore the weather forecasts and sincerely hope it'll feel fallish. Sometimes, it all works out despite me.

I'm thankful for the energy spent, the sticks weaponized, the science learned, the pictures taken.

Serious hikers, these two.

Thankful this guy carried my camera bag and the waters the whole way with little to no complaint.

Thankful that he turned the camera on me a time or two with little to no nagging(It was more "I guess people looking at the snapshots will just have to assume my presence...sigh" type talk than nagging).

Either way, I'm thankful I got to be in some of the pictures. They make me feel like such a mom. I love the stooping to get his hand. I'm thankful I still have one little enough to hold my hand. :D

"Swutt."-per the Harris family. :)

"Ugh, quadruple chins!"-I said. "Those aren't chins, they're lines...wrinkles. Like fine leather. Fine leather wrinkles."-he replied. "STOP talking!"-I gave back.

Another two mommy shots. Love them. These will go on a photo wall one day soon.

As will this one. Love it.

18NOV

2011-11-18T21:54:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful for Sean checking off a HUGE chunk of to-dos today. Despite all the extra hours he's putting in to deployment stuff, I'm thankful it's getting done.

I'm thankful that he will actually be off on his weekend off. He needs a break!

I'm thankful they're "reworking the power grid" at the campground tomorrow. No electricity from 8-3 means day trippin' for this family. Sean asked what kind of daytrip. I figured he wouldn't go for an out of towner, so I suggested boot shopping. How much ya wanna bet I get an out of towner?

I'm thankful that things are falling into place. Orders are cut, packers have been notified, reservations are being made, it's starting to feel real. It's so stinking bittersweet, but through it all, I truly am thankful for this next step we're finally taking.

I'm thankful that all my kids are in bed so I can get some me time!! Off to catch up on Project Life.

17NOV

2011-11-18T09:14:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful that my kids are hilarious.
Is there such thing as a kid that isn't funny?

Simon says to me, "Daddy bagged an old lady at work yesterday."

After placing my eyeballs back into their sockets, I asked for a bit more clarification with a, "Huh?"

Bagging old ladies has an entirely different meaning when your father works in the ICU.

16NOV

2011-11-18T09:11:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful for my life group. I'm thankful that they love me enough not to be put off by my obnoxious documenting of our night.
It's tough to be discreet with a speedlite flashing in everyone's face. :)

I'm thankful for the friendships.
I'm thankful for the discussions.
The memories, the laughter, the growth.

I'm so thankful I got a solid year with these most genuine people.

15NOV

2011-11-15T23:07:00.001-05:00

Thankful for memories and pictures that support 'em.

my Grandma's sewing room

my Grandma's kitchen

yellow leaves and green grass(both are extinct in TX)

Thankful for the women who've made me what I am.

14NOV

2011-11-14T16:40:00.000-05:00

Today, I'm thankful for the atheist in front of me at Whole Foods.
I'm thankful he offended me.
I'm thankful that I was pushed beyond my comfort zone.
I'm thankful for the conversation I was able to have with my boys because of the interaction I had with the man.

To God be the glory. :)

13NOV

2011-11-14T16:37:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful I got to spend the weekend with my sister and parents and aunts and uncles and cousins and Grandma.
I'm thankful that my grandma felt special and honored and loved on her 80th birthday.
I'm thankful for the trip and the Dad that paid for it.
I'm thankful that I got to experience a little bit of cold.
I'm thankful for the memories made.
I'm thankful that I made it home safe and sound to my little brood.

Mostly, though, after being privvy to a conversation between two men that were sitting in the terminal with me(I wasn't eaves dropping, they were loud and sitting close enough that I had to shift in my seat to keep our knees from touching)...I am thankful to not be a single woman in this day and age. All the single ladies, don't compromise. Though it may seem to be so, they can't all be scumbags.

12NOV

2011-11-12T07:46:00.000-05:00

So thankful this kid hasn't lost his love of music. I know it's a fragile thing at such a young age, but he's a rockstar. Even if only in his own head. :D

Yesterday, he finally got up the nerve to put the words to the music. Still working on Jack Johnson's "Angel." He couldn't keep up the rhythym while singing, so it was pretty...wow.

At one point, my child with the gift of encouragement started yelling, "I had enough! ENOUGH! I had enough!" I was trying to keep up my, "Great job!" towards Simon while shushing/laughing at Titus. Finally, T crawled up in my lap and very sincerly asked, "Mommy? You had enough? I had eeeeeee-nough."

I'm thankful he's growing up to be a boy that truly walks to his own beat. He doesn't seem to care a whole lot what others think of him{like his dad, yay!). At least boys. Obviously(!), he cares what the girls think. Watching this guy try to impress a girl is the funniest thing ever. He is so his dad.

He is very conscious of others. Others excluding his brothers, of course.

On the way back from this very set of pictures, we passed this little old lady in the park. "Oh," he said as she approached, "it's my favorite old lady!" Y'see, when ya live in an RV park, old people are a bit like baseball cards...we have our favorites. As she passed, he threw out a, "Hi." as always, no big deal. It was that he then turned and asked, "How are you today?" in the most genuine, caring, loving way. It broke my heart a little to see this man-boy he's becoming. He's never been a selfish kid, but I didn't realize he was mature enough to think outside of himself like that. To care about some little old lady that passes us by every day. He doesn't get that he's thoughtful and it makes it that much sweeter.

Don't get me wrong, he's still a little turd in so many ways. He's just a tender hearted little turd.

Looking at that shaggy hair, I can't help but remember how bald he was not all that long ago. It seemed like it took forever for him to get hair and now look at him a month away from being nine. Ouch.

So thankful for this kid.

11NOV(11.11.11)

2011-11-11T00:00:00.001-05:00

What else could I possibly be thankful about today moreso than the Veterans?

I'm thankful for Sean.
I'm thankful for Jim.
I'm thankful for Josh.
I'm thankful for Kolt
I'm thankful for Kerrie.

I'm thankful for Helena and Isaac and Kayleigh-ann and Isabella and Alaina and Ava.
I'm thankful for Jessica and Laeken and Emery and Cal.
I'm thankful for Susannah and Leila.
I'm thankful for Tom(who could really go in both categories) and Kodi and Konner.

The spouses that I empathize with.
The kids who miss their parents.

These are the Veterans that mean something to me. The one's that are close to my heart. The one's I cry with and cry for. The one's who have deployed, are deployed and will deploy. Again and again. As Sean is closing in on his next deployment, I realize with dread this cycle of our lives. In theory, it is what it is. It's their job, it's what they signed up for, blah blah blah. Going through it, living it...that's a different story.

Thanks, guys. All of you. Not just for the deployments, but for living the military life and all that that includes.

10NOV

2011-11-10T11:19:00.000-05:00

Today, I am so so so so thankful for encouragement. Just had a nice long chat with a spiritual mentor, I guess you could say. Not of the Sister Cleo kind, more of the sister in Christ kind. :)

I am thankful that I am a day away from seeing my mom and dad and sister. Going to Michigan SOLO for my grandma's 80th birthday. For three days!!! To sleep in a real bed and use non-RV toilets and shower in real showers. Three days of wearing a coat. A real live jacket. Possibly even a hat and mittens if anyone has some to lend. I see Bob Evans bre-fesses and drinking HOT coffee vs iced coffee. I see staying up late, chatting the night away with my big sister and aunt. I see lots and lots of pictures and memories being made.

I am thankful that Sean is the man he is. I am so proud of that guy. I'm proud of the things he is able to shrug off. I am proud of the things he has and is going to accomplish.

It's early yet, I'll probably add to the list by days end.

9NOV

2011-11-09T16:20:00.000-05:00

Today, I'm thankful for a signed piece of paper.

I'm thankful for a napping Titus.

I'm thankful for a wasted doctor's appt. Waste of time, but at least nothing's wrong!

I'm thankful for the 15 minutes I spent at Bible study this morning.
**I happened to double check my phone to make sure it was on silent. A ringing phone in church is bad enough, but I will never get over hearing someone answer it and proceed with a conversation in church! Anyways, I noticed two missed calls from Sean. Sure enough, he needed me to leave Bible study to drive all the way to Lackland for a piece of paper. With three kids. Had to drive home, pick up T from the neighbor and boogy to beat a gov't lunch break(they tend to start early, end late). Luckily, T fell asleep as we were pulling into our parking space on the very last row. Luckily, I forgot the stroller and had to go to the very top floor. I made it with no feeling in either arm, but I beat the lunch break!

All that to say, in the fifteen minutes I was present at the Bible study a particular verse popped up on the powerpoint presentation. It was only up there for a second b/c the woman manning the computer never manages to get the slides to coincide with the speaker. This verse is so so so so applicable to our situation of late. In fact, it may just have to be my new motto. NOTHING is going smoothly. When I say nothing, I mean it in every sense of the word. Come to think of it, there must be a stronger word than "nothing" to describe how absolutely chaotic/unplanned/unplannable our lives are pertaining to this deployment and PCS. Poor Sean is so completely stressed due to the amount of tasks at hand for both the deployment and school. He's juggling them well, but I feel bad for the guy.

"A man's heart plans his way,

but the Lord directs his steps." Prov. 16:9

I have to think those few minutes I spent at the chapel today were for that very moment when I caught the verse on screen. I was filled with a calm I haven't felt in weeks.

Today, I'm thankful for that more than anything.

8NOV

2011-11-08T10:26:00.000-05:00

Oh my. Is it really the eighth already?

I am so thankful for this guy. I am blessed every single day by him. It has become a routine to snuggle up with him to get him to sleep before the big two. Otherwise, it becomes a circus. Some nights, he goes right to sleep, other nights it takes a while. Last night, as I was praying and thanking God for this boy, I asked him, "Do you know who God is? Do you know who Jesus is?" I just like to hear his responses from time to time. "Talk Jesus at church." he said.

"You talk about Jesus at church?"-I asked
"Yeah." he gave me in a sleepy reply.
"Do you know how much God loves you, Titus? He gave us his Son because he loves you so much."-I said.
"Jesus? Luffs me?"-his voice escalated and squeaked and I caught a tiny little sob in my throat.
"Yeah, buddy, Jesus loves you. So so so so much. And mommy and daddy and Simon and Felix love you."
"Mommy?"
"What Buddy?"
"Jesus luffs you."

Wouldn't ya know it? Those were the exact three words I needed to hear at just that moment.

I am so thankful for this little one.

7NOV

2011-11-07T19:35:00.000-05:00

Thankful for time spent together. Even if not under the best of circumstances...
*in the car ALL DAY
*signature collecting for the deployment
*missed offices due to the super logical office hours of the military
*getting news I could've gone without
*scratching three things off the to do list, just to add three more things...

I'm still thankful to be able to look over and see the man still here. Wish I'da snatched a picture.

6NOV

2011-11-07T08:24:00.000-05:00

Thankful for Sean and Felix getting some one on one time.
Thankful for 2/3 being somewhat willing to let me take some picadees.
Thankful for clarification of the kind only the Holy Spirit can bring...loving me some 1Cor.
Thankful for chats with friends.
Thankful for texts and emails and communication from far away places.

5NOV

2011-11-06T14:59:00.000-05:00

Thankful for grocery shopping alone.

Thankul for an awesome conversation with my mom on the way to grocery shopping. Alone. I am so looking forward to being in her nest again. Even if just for a few months.

Thankful for standing up for myself by snarling at the lady who purposefully ran into me with her cart while grocery shopping. Alone.

Thankful for the reminder that I am to love hard to deal with people, too. Even rude ones that run into me with their cart while grocery shopping...alone.

Thankful that I have a husband who knows me well enough to call me out when I tried to embellish that story a little. I did snarl at her. I even threw out a, "Gah, lady, give me a sec!" I may have said it(quietly) as I was walking away with my back to her, but I said it.

4NOV

2011-11-04T15:14:00.003-05:00

Thankful for this guy.

3NOV

2011-11-03T22:10:00.000-05:00

Thankful that I'm a day away from getting my husband back.

Thankful for the ability to discern. I'm getting better at figuring people out for who they are. Not always a good thing, but it's nice to know what people are under the mask they wear.

Thankful that God is using certain situations to make leaving a bit easier.

Thankful for the chill in the air.

Thankful that November is clipping right along.

2NOV

2011-11-02T22:50:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for friends and funny kids.

Friends that can sympathize and empathize.
Friends that call at just the right moment.
Friends that send a lil note just to say 'hey.'

Thankful for friends here and there.
Via the phone and internet.
Church friends and military friends.
Neighborhood friends and RV park friends.
New friends and old friends.
Friends I haven't even met face to face yet.

I am thankful that I have true, genuine people in my life that just get it.

.....

On the way home tonight, Simon asked me if I'd ever played a game where people throw a bunch of apples in water and you have to get it out with just your mouth.

"Yep," I said, "it's called 'bobbing for apples.' You can't use your hands, you just stick your face in the water and try to get the apple with your teeth."

"Well, that sounds dangerous." Felix, the sensible one, oh so matter-o-factly.

10TUE/1NOV

2011-11-01T22:49:00.000-05:00

1. November has brought the relief I was so hoping it would. Sean got the AFIT selection which was the last step to sealing the deal with school. I guess maybe the next to last step...the last step being getting home on time from his deployment.

2. Even though I knew it would be so, when he told me, I cried. Just a little.

3. I'm mentally hyperventalating due to all the changes that are a-comin'.

4. I am three weeks behind on my Project Life and I do not like it. Trying to get my children in bed before 10 tonight so I can get caught up. My only problem with this project is the ink involved and hating the photo paper I use. I do like that I've kept up with it! Looking forward to starting again at the beginning of the year.

5. New favorite author...Kristin Hannah. Night Road made me bawl my brains out. After reading two more of her books, I'm seeing a lot of similarities in characters, places. Kinda like Jodi Picoult in the predictability, but a good writer in my opinion.

6. I seem to lose things when I'm overwhelmed. In the past few months, I've lost my wallet and my military i.d. on numerous occassions. My phone goes away on a weekly basis. My powder makeup that gives me confidence...completely gone X a week and a half. I have no idea where it went. Yesterday, it was my library card. I honestly don't know how I haven't lost a kid yet. It makes me nuts. It makes Sean think I have a brain tumor. I only see it as self preservation at it's core. My brain is full and somethin' has to go. Anxious to see what gets lost this month.

7. I am avoiding thinking about the fact that we're leaving Texas. Locals, if I seem entirely weird when the subject is brought up, it's another self preservation tactic. Once that dam is broken, I fear I won't regain control of my emotions. Not ready to say good-bye yet. I had a moment yesterday, thinking about the fact that the next baby born to a Texas friend will likely be found out via facebook. That thought so discounted all of my friendships that it made my heart hurt. It's just how it goes, I guess. I'm just not ready yet.

8. "Baby!" or "You big baby!" or "You little baby!"-Mr. T's insult selections of the week.

9. Honeycrisp apples with peanut butter has been my snack of the week as a bachelorette(+3). It soothes me and detoxifies me all at the same time. Had to restock today as the +3 are gobbling them all up. The nice fella at Whole Foods gave me a discount on the first item of my STOCK UP for SC list and gave me $4 worth of pineapple free b/c Titus had scribbled over the upc code. His name is Micah and I will pick his line hence forth.

10. About apples:
"Rich in vitamin E, biotin and folic acid Good source of vitamin A, vitamin C High in natural antioxidants and detoxifiers Contains sulphur, potassium, iron, iodine, silicon, magnesium and calcium is rich in pectin which helps to lower cholesterol. It binds bile acids which can reduce the risk of colon cancer and is a natural chelator which can take up unwanted heavy metals from tissues. This is useful for fat loss and detoxification and can delay the signs of aging."-from naturalmatters.net

Truth

2011-10-29T13:40:00.000-05:00

"Chrissy did you ever imagine you'd be such a strong influence with your normal day thoughts and words?
I'm still to this day loving my food life change and don't miss fast food one bit....yet! LOL"-Brown English Muffin

My friend left this comment a few posts ago and I haven't really known what to do with it since. It's flattering, for sure. I don't consider myself a strong influence because I'm just a normal person, muddling my way through this life, longing for what's next. When I find truth, I have a desire to share it with others. About food, about life, about whatever.

When it comes to faith, however, I am commanded to share it. I fall short on that one every single day of my life. I am a Christian. I am a follower of Christ. I am not a religious person, I don't like religion. I think religion has botched up so many things that it gives the Savior of this world a terrible name. There are a lot of religions that are similar, there are a lot that have piddly little difference and there are a lot that have ginormous differences. To me, religion is Satan's most powerful tool. If he can keep professing believers in the ring, duking it out, Truth never makes it beyond the ropes. The problem is that while so many people are busy playing church, they themselves don't even know the Truth.

One thing I have really, really been struggling with over the past few years is the watered down Gospel.

The analogy Paul Washer gave in the video I posted made a lot of sense to me. There are people starving out there! A bologna sandwich stinks. It's ugly, not all that healthy and is plain and simple. But to a starving man, it is perfect. I want to be someone handing out bologna sandwiches. I don't want to run home and prepare him a beautiful meal. I'll get busy. I'll get distracted. I'll forget what my purpose was. All the while, the poor man is back on the street corner, starving to death.

The Gospel is simple. It doesn't need to be beautified any more than it already is. It just needs to be given. Why do so many churches have to wrap it in a bow of coffee shops and big bands and fancy lighting? Preachers give messages on how to be a better parent, a better spouse, better with finances, better ways to serve their church. All of which are important, but to what extent?

What about the Bible? What about eternity?

In this day and age of anything goes, the Church needs to be equipped. I can't tell you how often I hear, "Well, to me, God..." or "I don't think God..." The Bible answers those questions. The Bible tells us. It doesn't matter what we think, it matters what is. Truth is there.

Being a Christian isn't about being "religious" or going to church. It's about realizing who you are and who God is, a righteous and holy Judge. Recognizing your sin, personally, for what it is. Repenting, turning from your sin. Placing your trust in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross. That's it. So many religions add to or take away from that, from the Bible. There is historical accuracy in the Bible. There are no contradictions. There are outside sources that verify the events. Now what do you do with it? It's not based on what someone tells you to say or think or do, it's based on a work of God.

I found this video the other day while link hopping. It is...I don't know. It shook me. It rattled me. It made me think. It made me a little sick to my stomach. In the end, it is the truth. And what matters? How I feel or the Truth?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU8c1N-7Xk8

10 on Thursday

2011-10-27T22:17:00.000-05:00

1. Looks like deployment # 2 is a go.

2. I have grand plans for me and the boys to globe trot this go-round. There's a high probability that will consist only of one major trip east that ends in a small town in South Carolina.

3. Super excited that we won't just get left behind with no plans of our own.

4. The list of all the things we're going to do and people we're going to see while there is already growing.

5. I'm a little concerned about what we're going to eat. Last I knew, Florence had no Trader Joe's or Whole Foods. Is the Farmer's Market something to look forward to? I am eager to build another network, but man alive am I going to miss my dairy farmer.

6. As much as we've known this was coming and as prepared as I thought I was, weird things are starting to get to me. Tonight it was Titus saying, "Less pray, Daddy." when Sean was tucking him in.

7. Counting our blessings that this is a shorter deployment than the last. It's just a few weeks less, but it's enough to get him back in time for school. Hopefully.

8. I'm not thinking about the fact that we aren't coming back to Texas. Not sure when that one's going to sink in, but I'm avoiding it. Not ready to say good-bye to a whole lotta people.

9. Bethesda, MD is the plan at the moment. Really hoping it doesn't get boogered up.

10. As excited as I am about seeing our family,
as stoked as the kids will be to live in the country,
as nuts as I am to learn how to raise chickens(Chris, do you still read? I'm comin' to learn, Farmer),
as elated as I am to meet my brother's fifth child before she turns one(hopefully),
as giddy over the chaos as one can possibly get,
as ready as I am to supervise packers...

with thoughts of sipping coffee with my sister on her patio,
being there for the family get togethers,
trying to grasp the concept of crocheting with my mom,
dinners out with Grandpa,
flying with my dad,
driving in a town that I don't have to take an interstate to get anywhere,

knowing I'll be close to this chick and her brood(!!!),
knowing we get to start a new adventure,
knowing we're just that much closer to reaching some financial goals...

All that goodness doesn't make up for the fact that my bud's leaving. Again.

Such is the life, right? We really are as excited as a family can be about being separated. It's not ideal, but we came through the last deployment stronger for it. With that, I am off to see just what kinda housing Bethesda has to offer...

This kiddo

2011-10-26T10:18:00.000-05:00

has given me a complex.

I was tucking him in tonight and he starts with, "I two, Mommy."

"You're not two! You're just a baby."-I said.

"You my big baaaaaby," he replied, laughing his real laugh.

Which, of course, caused me to laugh. His laugh is infectious.

My laugh made him laugh harder and this is where my new complex comes in...

He was totally making fun of me. He was laughing his laugh, but adding these dramatic inhalations afterwards. As I recounted the story to Sean, he said, "Yep, that's you."

Doesn't everyone inhale sharply after a guffaw?

If you don't inhale after all the exhaling, how do you not pass out?

Either way, I am now entirely conscious of how I laugh.

All thanks to this little cheese head.

We finished the conversation with me asking, "If I'm the baby, are you the daddy?"

"Noooooooo-ugh!"-he replied dramatically.

"Well then...what are you?"-I asked.

"I TWO!"-duh.

You know what, I'll deal with strange inhalation patterns if it means I get to laugh with this kiddo.

scandalous

2011-10-20T18:02:00.000-05:00

This is the Gospel. The Gospel that is so largely ignored by the church today. It's ineffective because it isn't preached.

Paul Washer, HeartCry Ministries

People keep saying

2011-10-17T19:16:00.000-05:00

he's growing up...

An old man asked him today, "Where's your stick?" He was clueless. The guy kept on, "The one to beat the girls off with?" Still clueless. "You're awfully handsome, boy. Don't you have a girlfriend?"

"Not yet." he replied.

Thatta boy, Simon.

anxious

2011-10-12T17:24:00.000-05:00

The closer it gets to November, the more anxious I find myself to JUST GET ON WITH IT.
With what? I don't know. We don't know. Most of the time I'm okay with that, but there are days(like today) that I really just want a teensy little glimpse into my own future.

Sean had a phone interview with the school in Maryland the other day. The phone interview that I thought would bring so many answers. Nope, more questions.

If I could just know where we'll spend Christmas.
If I could just know if he's deploying or not.
If I could just know if he's going to school.
If I could just know where he's going to school.
If I could just know when he's going to school.
If I could just know to start looking for a house or not.
If I could just know how long we really need to stay here.
If I could just know if I should get excited about seeing my family.
If I could just...fill in any one of the million blanks swimming through my head.

Trying to be content in the moment. In the now without the know. Easier said than done, I'm afraid.

Funny, this one song keeps popping up. At the Chapel. On Pandora. It's not as if it's a popular song. I haven't heard it in years and years, but I am a sucker for old hymns. It popped up again today, in the car. At the end, Simon goes, "Well, that was a pretty song." It is.

Oh for grace to trust Him more.

Sean came home with a tale someone told him. They were telling him about less than ethical ways other people have gotten out of deployments.

"Are you asking because you think God needs your help?"-me
"Be gone with your godly counsel, Woman!"-him

He has too much character to do things like that. He knows God is bigger than any situation. When I asked him, "Is God who you say He is?" His reply, "Of course," ended the conversation.

I trust that Sean will go to school when he's supposed to. He will deploy when he is supposed to. I trust that God's got it all under control whether it's exactly what I plan for or not. He's never failed me before.

Tis so sweet. Even if I live Mark 9:24 over and over. It's my mantra more days than not.

"I do believe! Help me to overcome my unbelief!"

old(er) people

2011-10-10T21:53:00.001-05:00

Let me just start this post by documenting an exchange my husband and I had this morning. I told him for my birthday I would like to take a trip to the beach. We have not yet seen the ocean from a Texas point of view. We've been here two years and haven't made the trip. There is a good chance we'll be leaving here before the next summer is upon us. I think it's worth the drive as this might be a one time thing.

It looks like rain.
Do we really want to spend six hours in the car in one day?
With our children?
Does that seem like a good way to spend a birthday?

I suggested a trip to Austin instead.

We could hit the food trucks.
And go antiquing.

"You're married to one," he said, wisely.
Before I could get the thought out of my head, "It's a good thing you said that instead of, 'You are one,'" he followed up with, "I could hand you a mirror and save ourselves the trip."

I laughed, but inside I was thinking, "Ass."

Back to the point of the post. Let me preface this with, I mean no disrepect at all when I say old or older people. I'm just talking about a group of folk who have happened to live on this earth longer than I have.

I relate with them. I tend to be more comfortable with them. Older people and I, we click. Some of my best friends are Vic and Sara, who happen to be closer to my grandparents age than my own. I love a 90 year old man, Sean's Grandpa, in a way I've never loved anyone. I think it's because older people tell you exactly how they feel. They don't mince words. They've lived through things I'll probably never have to and I respect that. I respect their views on life, their experience.

I seem to have passed this character trait along to Simon. Living in an RV park does tend to adjust his peer group, after all, so it may just be his friendly personality that his him all up in the business of old people. His newest friend is a little old lady that rides around on a motorized cart with her two pomeranians on the back.

Today I spent a few hours(yes, hours) on the phone with Sean's Oma. You wanna talk about an opinionated older woman? :) I love it, though. She cracks me up. She has done a lot in her life and when she talks, I listen. Actually, she doesn't give much opportunity to do anything but listen. Her stories are amazing. Having grown up in Germany, she has lived what we can only read about.

It makes me wonder just how fascinating our stories will be to future generations? We live such a cushy life, what do we have to pass on? What with our ipods and credit card lifestyles. We're spoiled. My generation lives a bumper sticker theology, a facebook status. We don't stand for anything. We don't represent anything worthwhile. We don't even defend the loose views we do have. If we don't like a response, we just X out. We're concerned with name brands, not putting food on the table. We don't save, we take on debt. We don't work extra jobs to keep our family afloat, we take handouts.

Old people, they stand for something. They helped their neighbors. They said hello for no other reason than to be cordial. They don't cross the street to avoid the confrontation of a friendly conversation.

A disturbing thread I am seeing with my generation is that we don't value old people. Sean's Oma relayed her life and the life of Sean's Grandpa as "living in a cage." They have to depend on others. It broke my heart when she told me Sean's Grandpa asks for rides from his neighbor to get to the doctor. I understand neighbors being helpful, but I should be there. I should be the one carting him around. We're family.

One thing Vic said to me the other day that struck a chord, "You listen when I talk." I have noticed that people tend to be completely distracted when carrying on a conversation. Is it too hard to give someone your undivided attention? Is answering a text more important than someone standing face to face with you? Is this what texting and email and typing to communicate has done to us? I find myself texting more than calling(mostly due to obnoxious children) and I've stunted my communication skills. The ebb and flow of conversations aren't there as much as clever one liners these days.

I just think when someone who has been there, done that is talking...it's worth listening. Maybe it's just the way I was raised.

Listen when people talk.
Look people in the eye.
Respect your elders; for their history, for what they know, for the years they've put in on this earth.
Take care of your family.
Give help, even if they refuse it.
Never make family feel like a burden.

I think we just get used to people being here. Old people just get older. Dads become Grandpas and Great Grandpas. They do die, eventually. It's just a fact of life; nobody escapes death. Why not make the most of what time we have together? I don't want to live in the past. I would rather live now than talk about, "Remember when?" Love now.

This post was every bit for me. A reminder to myself to not get so busy with nothingness that I can't make a phone call, a lunch date, drop some pictures in the mail to my older friends. I want to be kind to history. Disconnect to connect, that kinda thing.

last picture first...

2011-10-10T09:30:00.000-05:00

This note and lego heart were taped to the couch last night. It says, "Mommy please don't be mad."

Which is funny, because the same kid had asked me just minutes before, as I was literally hosing him down, "Are you still mad? You don't look mad." I wasn't even all that mad to begin with. There was no yelling, just frustration. Let me clue you in...

It rained all morning yesterday. I thought it would be a pj day, but alas, the sun came out just as I started baking cookies. The kiddos wanted to go outside. I gave them one instruction: No puddles on the bikes. I even gave them my reasoning in vivid detail.

They listened for a time. Felix played restaurant with T through the screen door. That's Simon in the picture, though. He quit playing with him just seconds after this picture. You see his hand in the door? You see Tito's arm ready to guillotine Simon's fingers? No one heeds my warnings in this house.

After that bit of fun, Titus decided he wanted to go outside with the bigs. Again, I gave strict instruction: "Stay on the patio," I said. I realized moments later that I should've given more instructions. It's funny, just two days ago, my friend Kerrie had the status update, "Texas...the only place I know where it rains and still no mud."

This would be our "good cooler."

Just wait and see what this little patch of mud turns into...

Titus, dragging the good cooler along to do more damage.

Felix, confused as to why I want to document the mud on the front of his shirt...

and back. Guess which kid didn't listen to my "no bikes in puddles" instruction.

The final picture is taken by me, from inside. I couldn't get a picture of the patio. They had been throwing clumps of mud at each other. It was a disaster. For weeks, we will be tracking mud into the motorhome. I was still in the process of baking cookies and didn't realize what was happening when they were shouting, "TURDS!"

When I took all these pictures, the damage had already been done. To the patio, their clothes, shoes, side of the motorhome...I told them they couldn't come inside until they'd figured out a way to clean it all up. They worked together, figured it out

and made an even bigger mess as they tried to get the mud back into the grass.

My two year old

2011-10-09T20:54:00.000-05:00

has an awful lot of attitude.
He's picked up quite a few jewels from his brothers(and possibly me?). It is really hard not to laugh.

There is no funnier statement than that child yelling, "You a big JURT, WHEAT!"

There is no funnier altercation than watching a two year old give Sean what-for. Last night, Sean was back in their room for the bazillionth time telling them to quit goofing off and go to bed. What do I hear before Sean has even finished his statement?

"Shut it, Da-ee! I kick you ow-side!"

Obviously not okay. At all. Disrespect ain't hot, but I'll be durned if it wasn't the funniest thing ever from the outside listening in.

Not as funny was the sudden downpour that started around midnight and continued all. night. long. I have two that didn't like thunderstorms before the drought. Now, they are terrified and confused when they hear rain on the roof. I ended up in bed with all three. Titus is no fan of sleeping in one spot. I woke up with his body completely draped over my head at one point. He was saying, "I hold you." He was asleep before my sarcastic question of, "What exactly do you consider this?" was out.

Luckily, my arm got used to no feeling and my feet, hanging out from the 1/8th of the Hulk blanket that Felix was kind enough to share with me, warmed to the idea of cold. I can't stand having cold feet.

Simon said he asked God in the middle of the night to make it keep raining. Prayer answered, it rained all morning. Computer games and movies, snacks and reading commenced.

I finally kicked the kiddos outside when the sun reappeared along with a breezy 80 degrees. As I attempted to get them off their butts, Mr. T yelled at me, "I punch you ow-side, MO-MAY!"

While I appreciate that he keeps his domestic violence out of doors, I decided to try and nip that form of bad behavior in the bud. As I started in on him, "That is unacceptable young man...," he leaned around his chair and shook his fist at me, "I punch YOU!" he yelled, making distinct, threatening eye contact, "OW-SIDE!"

It was the shaking of the fist. It did me in. I could not contain my laughter.

The three spent a good bit of their afternoon outside and we got a head start on bedtime so it wouldn't be as insane as last night. I would count tonight a success, complete with no threats from the two year old.

on blogging

2011-10-08T13:14:00.000-05:00

A couple of people mentioned that I haven't been blogging much lately. I thought that I had picked up some in this area, but if more of me is what is needed, who am I to deny such things? Ha!
I don't even know what to blog about most days. I've always looked at this outlet like a letter to me in the future. I type like I'm talking to a friend. I try to be as honest as possible without talking about things I deem too personal, which isn't much in the grand scheme of things.

My sister told me today that my dad asks her all the time, "Did you read your sister's blog today?"

For some reason it made me tear up to know that my family cares enough to log on and hear what I have to say. As the baby of the family, it feeds my attention seeking.

I have been missing my family so badly lately. I'm usually good to go, embracing this life, knowing the distance just comes with the package. It's the big stuff that I hate missing. Like my brother coming home. Birthdays, ball games, concerts, sipping coffee on the patio, talking about life face to face. Maybe not all big things, but the longer we're apart, the bigger they seem.

Well, this post is going nowhere and I have chocolate hemp milk to buy. Titus can't go even one cup of milk without a little mixed in. Lest you think I'm sweetening my child's drink with marijuana, please read the article. I didn't discover it by some hippy means, just noticed it on the shelf at Whole Foods and decided to try it. Before hemp milk, I was using a whey protein powder as a way to get Titus to drink his milk. Turns out, whey protein is too fragile to powder. Good to know.

With that, I am off to dodge rudeness at Whole Foods. Nothing I enjoy more than taking three kids into a store with no room for more than one cart on an aisle.

on the military & brothers

2011-10-06T21:49:00.002-05:00

I don’t hate the military. Well, maybe sometimes. Every once in a while, when I’m mad at everything in the world, the military fits in there.

The military takes my husband for months at a time. The military takes my helper. The father. The partner in all things dishwashing, cooking, lawn care/RV care(depending…), childcare. The military takes my friends from their families. My friends from me, far away. It takes me from my family.

When I was a kid, the military took away my friends, took me from my friends. The military didn’t allow me to know my cousins. The military made my grandmas people we saw on “vacation.” The trend continues. My kids don’t get to go to the movies with the rest of the grandkids. My kids don’t get sleepovers with their cousins.

The military takes my peace of mind A LOT.

On the flip side, the military does give back.

The military gave me San Antonio and all that lies within that statement. It gave me tougher skin. It gives me a feeling of belonging. The military allows for a sense of adventure in the not knowing anything about your own future. The military gives a sense of security.

I've recently started attending a...thing(not really sure what to call it. Kind of a Bible study of sorts, but fun) at the chapel on post. The only reason I went was the mention of a homeschool group. Most military homeschoolers are on the normal side. There are always exceptions. Anyhow, meeting this mix of women has been more awesome that I anticipated. I've been to only one military wives function. "Never. Again." I believe is what I uttered then? Either way, I'm glad I took another crack at this being a military wife thing. I do belong. I need to be around other likeminded women who deal with the things only military wives deal with. It's been good. I hope I get just a little more time here.

The chapel is entirely sterile. State run religion at best. Luckily, it's a great group of women that have minds of their own. It's not as robotic as I initially feared. The whole time we're doing stuff in the main sanctuary(or whatever they call it in military terms), I waiver between laughing and crying. Laughing because I'm awkward and out of place and crying when I picture my brother, a chaplain in the Navy, having to preach in such an environment.

When I think of all the things the military has taken from me, my brother is at the very top of that list. I don't suppose we're all that different from most grown siblings that live on different sides of the world . He's on my mind a lot, but I haven't physically seen my brother in years. I talk to my sister every single day on the phone, but I honestly can't remember the last time I spoke to my brother. That's sad, right? I mean, it shouldn't be like that. I would be heartbroken if my boys end up like that.

I don't know if it's so much the military that has caused that to happen or just life. Circumstances. Kids. Time zones. The fact that we aren't sisters, but brother and sister. It's a different dynamic as far as relationships go. But I love my brother. I have a soft spot for him. He's the underdog, always. The guy can never catch a break. When you hear the phrase, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" That's him. It's rumored that his theme song is, "I'm a Little Black Rain Cloud." Ah crap, I listened as I linked and now I'm a touch weepy.

Anyways, I know he doesn't read my blog. Maybe every once in a while he catches up, checks in to see what his little sister is up to. If you do, know that I miss you. I hope to see you one day soon now that you're back on my side of the world.

I know I can never give you as awesome a present as the one you got at four(that would be me, the little sister you always wanted), but know that I'm thinkin' of ya. Happy Birthday & Welcome Home!

Delightful

2011-10-06T21:23:00.000-05:00

I woke up shivering this morning. I can’t explain to you non-Texans just what a feeling this is. After months of 100 degree days, to wake up chilly is straight up delightful. I turned the AC off. Amazing how many sounds one hears when the white noise of the AC goes away. It’s like a whole new world. I heard puppies barking and birds chirping and suddenly the need to break out in song was overwhelming. Delightful, I tell you.

After school, we headed to the park for a picnic. At noon. To be able to go to the park at noon and stay for two hours…delightful. We didn’t leave because it got too hot, we left because we ran out of things to do. That’s never happened before. Not here. Even Sean and I got in on the running about. It’s amazing what a refreshing Fall day will do for the spirit. We played “Mr. Wolf, what time is it?” for quite some time and then gave up, only when Tito seemed drained. Drained due to exhaustion, not due to heat.

There was a brief reprieve from delight, mid-afternoon. I had a stint of claustrophobia induced b-wordness, but got over it pretty quickly. I just needed people to get up off me.

Dinner preparation brought back the delight.

Teriyaki chicken

Rosemary potato cakes with onions and black forest bacon

Butternut squash, also with onions and bacon…don’t judge

Hard to be disgruntled with that in yo belly.

The kids caught on to the delightfulness of the evening and Simon asked, "Did we get in trouble for anything today?" I had to really think on the question. Surely, surely all three did not go an entire day without being called down for something...I drew a blank.

To top off a delightful day, I was witness to the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever witnessed in all 28 years 359 days of my life. It was one of those sunsets that could never be captured by camera or paintbrush. I couldn’t stop staring. It was like the sun rays you draw as a kid. Each ray was it’s own individual line of pink and yellow. I thought about getting the kids from inside, but I didn’t want to miss a second of it. I walked and stared and was giddy with the sense that it was just for me. There were a few other folks out and about around the park, but no one else seemed to notice.

My own personal sunset. So amazing. So wondrous. So delightful.

After tucking the wee ones away, Sean and I partook in the lamest card gave ever. It even has a dumb name, Euchre? What the heck. After a bazillion rounds, I never did see the point. Somehow, Sean kept getting two points and I kept getting one, even if the scenarios were identical. Dumb game, but delightful in the sense that I was laughing with the man and talking smack even while losing. Good times, good times.

light

ful

I wrote up this post a couple days ago and never got around to posting it. We now have wi-fi. Consistently, strongly, conveniently...dare I say, delightfully? It's gonna be a double post kinda evening.

Yesterday

2011-10-03T17:01:00.000-05:00

We thought about going to the beach, but opted for outlet shopping(~~$70~~ $23 shoes for Simon) & Landa Park instead. Spending six hours in the car was beat out by the allure of filthy geese and crowds.

When jogging the kids memory, I said, "Landa Park, remember? Where we went with Ms. Jessica and Mr. Josh and you guys played tag?" I didn't think that part through too thoroughly and poor T's heart was broken when we got there. "Where's Lae-tchen? I wan-see-Emmareeeeee!" Oops.

After snapping this mottled jewel of a memory, I tucked my camera away and soaked up the images of being together. This little tdy was a reminder of what is to come. :/

We rounded out the day by playing some hide & seek. I pulled the camera back out in the hopes of getting some golden hour prettiness. It was a no-go on the prettiness, but I got the story down.

Counting and peeking.

My absolute favorite capture of the day. Simon's counting, Sean and Felix are hiding. See em? Sean's old ace is gonna break a hip playing with the boys one day. I can just feel it.

This guy decimated one of my favorite shirts with chocolate milk.
He also gave away all the good hiding spots, much to the amusement of the seekers. Aggravated many a brother.
It's a good thing he's cute.

Don't know how this picture made it into the "post" folder, but it is noteworthy that it is finally, finally cool enough to wear long pants. It only made it up to 91 yesterday.

This guy was equal parts attitude and...well, no, he was mostly attitude. Can't you just see it in his face? Twerp.

I was able to talk him into taking some pictures, though. He and Simon were both quite disappointed when they came for their pay. "You said you'd pay us!" Simon hollered. "In kisses. I said I'd pay you in kisses." Apparently, they didn't hear that part.

Feefs got this one.

Simon got quite a few, but I now realize that framing is everything and those pictures aren't going on the blog. :D

Yesterday was such a fulfilling day and we really didn't do anything spectacular. I'm trying to cling to the magic of these do-nothing days as another separation is closing in. Two more TDYs and then the big D if everything goes according to plan. Lame. I have more thoughts in this brewing, but there's a kid climbing on me talking about scissors. That's never good.

Dad's back

2011-10-03T16:26:00.000-05:00

I didn't tell the kids Sean was coming home til the day of. I usually wait until we're on our way to get him, but for whatever reason, I announced mid-day that he was a-comin'. And I heard nothing BUT until we got him. Lucky for me, it was a late flight. After dinner, we made some signs and got on our way. Fort Sam is in the landing pattern, that's how close we are to the airport. All day long, we watch planes come and go. Yet, we left an hour and a half before Sean was due to arrive.

After walking both terminals, many, many times, we decided to wait outside. I reasoned the heat may slow the little boogers down. Negative.

Simon's sign.

Felix deciding he wants Simon's sign.

Before this picture, he had been bouncing to and fro across the benches. I was that mom, snooping around on facebook while my children ran amok. What can I say? It was a long couple of weeks. Plus, it was just us, save a few taxis and a couple other bedraggled mothers picking up their husbands with obnoxious, over-tired children in tow.

The only reason he's standing still in this picture...a girl. She was about his age, I guess. She was waiting at the curb with her mother and shot him a look over her shoulder. Just like that, my boy aged. Suddenly, he was too cool to be jumping around like a kid. As soon as she left, he was back to acting like a dweeb, but for a minute, I got a sedate kiddo.

This one slept until he heard his Dad.

And just like that, our lives are back to (our) normal.

baby cakes

2011-09-26T22:43:00.000-05:00

I love that Titus doesn't want to be a big boy. He is fine being the baby. He flourishes in the attention he gets as the baby. The other two wanted to be big boys from the second they knew such beings existed.

Every so often, when I'm feeling indulgent, I'll buy a lemon tea cake from Whole Foods. They don't last long 'round these parts. I tend to hide it on a high shelf...

This afternoon, I was holding T for one reason or another and he spied it on the counter. "I wan-it! I wan I wan I wan cake."

"That's mommy's cake." I replied greedily, "I want BAAAAAABY CAAAAAAAKE!" I gobbled and zerberted his stomach. Then I offered a piece of baby cake to both brothers. I am generous with baby cake.

I did give in and share the real cake, I'm not evil. I know that boy, though, and true to his nature he only ate the tippity top off the piece. The place where the icing lives. "I done, Mommy. I ate i-seen. I not want it. You ca-have it."

A while later, we were lazing about watching Toy Story and he leaned over and said, "I want mommy cake," and bit my leg.

For the rest of the day, I called him Baby Cakes and he called me Mommy Cakes and that is exactly the type of silliness I want to remember when dementia kicks in.

Texteses

2011-09-25T14:57:00.000-05:00

I was just reading back through some texts this morning and fell out. I thought I'd post it here for others to enjoy. Some of it is PG13-ish, some of it is down right makeyawannavomit-ish. All is hilarious.

Italics is me, bold is Sean

Theres something wrong with me. My hands & feet itch like crazy, but there's nothing there. Is there an allergic rxn that only comes out in the hands&feet? Sent: 8:40AM

Starting to wonder if ants are getting on me in my sleep. Or if theres something in the couch that my bodys reacting to. Sent: 8:50AM

This happened yesterday morning, too, but not as bad. Sent: 8:51AM

If it were ants you would have bites elsewhere other than just your hands and feet. Most food allergies manifest as itchy hands and feet. Sent: 9:18AM

I feel better after a shower. Not as itchy, but still itchy. The only new foods I've had, two days in a row, is salad dressing. I think I've had it before tho... Sent 9:20AM

Are there any marks? Sent 9:20AM

No. Just red. Only my palms and bottom of my feet. Itchy toes & fingers. Sent 9:21AM

That's an allergic rxn Sent 9:21AM

That takes place 12 hrs later? Sent 9:21AM

Yep. Remember our honeymoon? Sent 9:22AM

That was NOT the artichokes. Sent 9:22AM

it was you then Sent 9:22AM

It must be the dressing. Sent 9:23AM

People have died from peanuts Sent 9:23 AM

Peanut allergies are vaccine related Sent 9:24AM

get rid of the dressing Sent 9:24AM

K. Taking kids to the park before it's too hot. 102 today. Sent 9:25 AM

Oh gross.nasty crap smell is back! Sent 9:26AM

I will fix that. Tank needs to be flushed. If you want me to walk u thru it i will Sent 9:29AM

So we only have to live with it for 5 more days. Mmmmm

Nope Sent 9:30AM

U can add more liquid enzyme to the tank if u need to

Don't understand why sometimes it's fine...it only stinks in waves. Sent 9:31AM

Have fun at the park. I don't have an answer for that. The seal needs to be cleaned. That keeps a water seal in the toilet and prevents gas from leaking into the coach.

Vomit. Sent 9:34AM

i dont even want to know how THAT has to be fixed. Sent 9:35AM

want me to tell you how...its easy. u need gloves and a plastic knife. Sent 9:37AM

i'll have you talk me thru it later. Sent 9:37AM

you take the knife with some toilet paper on the end and stick it inside the seal. go around once and thats it. Sent 9:37AM

and how many times do u think i'll vomit doing so?

maybe 4 :) you are tough though Sent 9:38AM

Feet and hands don't itch. Now its my knees and elbows. Is it moving inward? Will it be my boobs next?!? Sent 9:41AM

I don't know. No trouble breathing right? When it gets there send me a picture so I can diagnose it. Sent 9:43AM

haha Sent 9:43AM

Enjoy the park sweet. I will talk to you later. Sent 9:45AM

*****

Trying to feed the fish at the park. Found 2 boxes of condoms. classy huh Sent 10:23AM

on base Sent 10:23AM

nothing says romance like doing it on gov't property Sent 10:24AM

wow Sent 10:24AM

there is a dirty towel a few yards down. starting to wonder if it's a crime scene Sent 10:25AM

you should leave soon if you are the only one there. Sent 10:25AM

there is 1 lone biker with a yearning look on his face...Sent 10:26AM

Not funny Sent 10:26AM

lol Sent 10:26AM

Gonna go to the commissary to get some food. Be safe please and text me later. Sent 10:30 AM

2 German ladies showed up with their kids. Wish I could understand them. I think they're talking about me...Maybe I should yell something at the kids in German, just to freak them out Sent 10:33AM

*****

I gagged three times, btw. My goodness, you owe me. Altho, this freakin rv is just as much my problem as yours. I am one tough chick, even if I do want to barf over the smells i just smelled. Sent 11:00AM

of course!!! the seal still isn't holding. Sent 11:02AM

I'm gonna cry. I'm not strong at all. Sent 11:02AM

I know babe. I am sorry but thank you for being tough. Sent 11:03AM

This is horrible & unthinkable. No one should ever have to touch any part of a toilet with their hands!!!! i think the plastic knife adds to the grossness Sent 11:03AM

take the knife around the inside cap. the seal should move downward to allow you to get btw the seal. Debris gets pushed down there and pushes the seal away so water leaks around Sent 11:05 AM

Debris...nice Sent 11:06AM

well i dont want to make you any sicker Sent 11:06AM

any luck Sent 11:08AM

gang count up to 5. i'm scaring the children. Sent 11:08AM

*gag Sent 11:08AM

ok then maybe stop Sent 11:08AM

oh my gosh the whole motor home stinks so bad Sent 11:09AM

Let Simon do it...they like gross stuff...make sure he has gloves on though Sent 11:10AM

but but but but but, it seems to be holding the seal Sent 11:10AM

No, I did it. I'm hong to blog this whole interchange. Sent 11:10AM

*going

Great. Not open a window and open the vents to cross ventilate. Add more cleaner to the tank. If you did that you can def flush the tank. Sent 11:13AM

crap its not holding the seal Sent 11:13AM

*****

At this point, I placed a call to my husband. I wasn't necessarily the prim and proper woman he married, but we laughed a lot and I successfully "flushed the tank". I gained a whoooooole LOT of repect for the things he usually handles.

Most importantly, I finally invested myself(up to my elbows) in RV ownership.

encouraged

2011-09-23T21:45:00.001-05:00

It's been one of those days...

I've been in the natural funk that comes along with my bud not coming home every night, but it's more than that. The only word I can use to describe where I'm at is discouraged. I want it to be November already. I want to know if Sean's going to school or deploying or both. I want to know if we can settle back in to Texas life or if we need to get Maryland in our mindset. I'm content, right where I'm at, I just get a little anxious from time to time.

I was encouraged to hear the Sean is reading my blog while he's away. Thought now my be a good time to work in a birthday wish list to this-a-here document. :) Kidding. I only want a small, retro typewriter that works. That I am able to find ribbon for easily. In teal or an equally peppy color. For $15 or less. Oh, and the final season of Frasier.

In an effort to appear in our story more than once a year, I had Simon pick up the camera a few mornings ago. It was a few days after we ran into a sweet old couple out walking their dog in the RV park. "Enjoy them while they're little," she said, "because soon they'll be grown and they don't come back."

After looking through these, I decided that they will be ones I pull out and mail to the boys when they're "grown and don't come back." Or the one's I'll look at when I'm missing the feel of that soft, white hair.

When Titus wakes up, he comes and breathes his morning breath up in my face, quietly demanding, "Bay nilk juice(berry milk juice)." He will say it again and again and again until he has a cup in hand. These pictures are real and raw and uneditted aside from a small bump in light. We're fresh from sleep, funky, and with morning breath. I should be embarrassed to even post them, but I kind of love them. Face bumps, no make up, crap hair and all.

This guy actually asked to jump in the pictures. I think it was more to aggravate Titus than anything. A fight did ensue, but at least I got some happy snaps with my middle.

I love his face. It's his content face. Content, safe, secure...but trying not to show all of his emotion.

The photographer. This boy is going to make the greatest husband some day. He makes me feel pretty, but more than that, he makes me feel comfortable when I am the subject. I think that is a very special gift. If you don't have an eight year old to make you feel special, get one.

That said, he was madder than crap that this was not a paid photoshoot. Somehow, he'd worked out in his head that if he took pictures of me and T, he'd get some money out of the deal. We compromised with the promise of ice cream. I kinda, sorta reneged on that this evening, but I will follow through at some point.

Home

2011-09-22T16:45:00.000-05:00

How's the motorhome?

I hear that question a lot these days. I figure I ought to jot down these memories while they're there.

How's the motorhome? How is living in a space the size of our old living room? With three boys?

Well lemme tell ya...

It is temporary. It is fiscally responsible. It is a small stepping stone towards financial freedom. It is a lesson in learning what you can live with; an even bigger lesson in learning what you can live without.

Oddly enough, this beast on wheels has brought us more comfort in the past six weeks than stress. Well, that's not entirely true. The first four days or so were entirely stressful, but it wasn't just Mack. Six weeks later, with the air conditioning working, life is a breeze.

This is home. For now.

The joy of an RV vs a fifth wheel is that the front three feet or so are completely wasted when it comes to living space. Putting the big computer there is about all the function we get out of it. I only use that computer for pictures, a laptop for everything else.

Not a great picture of the couch...area(?) and dinette(that's what it's called in RV world in an attempt to make something small seem quaint. It's actually just small. And FABRIC. Spilled milk on fabric, whole new ball game).

This(the couch folds down into a contraption of torture. I will never complain about my real mattress again) is where the man and I sleep. Actually, he's sleeping in a cushy hotel at the moment(deployment training) and I make sure to give him a hard time about it.

I could not get a decent picture of the "kitchen."

As you can see, I have about one square foot of counter space. The microwave is a complete waste of space as we don't use it. See mercola.com for the reason why...We store our Costco box of Keurig pods in it. :) Our produce department, Keurig and water filter(it's a Berky Light if you're in the market) take up the rest of my counter space. It kinda stinks to have such a monstrous thing as a water filter when space is limited, but it's the price I'll pay not to have my brain swiss cheesed by flouride.

The toilet half of the bathroom.

The bedroom. I interrupted Simon's Star Wars time, so I didn't get many pictures. The two bigs sleep in the bed.

This is the other half of the bathroom. Closets, shower, storage, the likes.

Behind the mirrored doors is a closet where ALL of our clothes reside.

It's not at all like camping. It's like living in an RV.

The kids are aggravating, but they were aggravating in a big house.
The dishes are never ending, but they were never ending in a big house.

Pretty much the only difference is that there is something called a black tank and it has to be dumped.

NOT a girl job. Not a girl job at all. I, however, had the pleasure of doing it last night. Thanks to the aforementioned deployment training. It's just a lever that you pull, but the mental aspect of exactly what is being done is enough to make one gag. Such is life.

I often remind myself that this was my idea. I came up with the plan that we pay off as much debt as possible before Sean starts school. This is how we're doing it. Three(ish) months of non-conventional living and we're sitting pretty with the finances.

So far, so good.

What's important?

2011-09-22T00:28:00.000-05:00

Keeping in touch with friends.
What's not important...Facebook.

I have more friends hidden than visible-
How much simpler life would be if I was "friends" with actual friends?
Cranking down the accessibility of ye olde time suck. Really gotta get some apps so I'm not signing in just b/c I'm bored.

Any suggestions for apps? Games? Recipe apps?

Taking pictures.
What's not important...making money to do so.

I've found myself comparing my pictures to so many other, better photographers out there. It's tough. It seems like everybody with a camera is a photographer these days. That exact statement hurt my feelings not too long ago, but it's true. If my style appeals to someone and they wish to give me money to document their lives, I consider myself lucky. I will gladly do it. But at the same time, I can't compare. There will always be someone(a lot of someones, actually) better than me and that's okay.

I bought a camera to document our lives. That's it. I like pictures. I like memories. I like the challenging aspect of making and taking pictures, but in the end, it's just another hobby. Another time consuming thing.

It's been a very Lamentations kinda day. Everything is for nothing, it seems. Everywhere I look, the world is going to hell.

Moving on...

This little piece of me is important. I want to get back in the habit of blogging the daily things. The reason I started this thing in the first place.

On 9/11...kinda hard to forget when every day of your life is a reminder, especially passing this place every single day. Memorial services taking place every day. EVERY. DAY. Seeing soldiers with missing limbs, having so many facets of our own lives determined by what that day set into motion.

Red, sweaty, mis-matched children. Love. Love. Not two seconds after I took this little document of brotherly tolerance, T leaned back and kicked F in the back. Which led to a tackle. Which led to another hug. Circle of life around here.

For example: We were at Whole Foods today and this prim and proper woman was literally biting her tongue not to say something as she watched my boys fist fight in the produce department. She was hovering and kept opening her mouth to say something. They were both laughing, the punches weren't all that hard and they were both getting licks in.

I've been single parenting this week. Enough said?

Another day, another set of pictures:

Simon with his breakfast of choice, cinnamon sugar bread

Same spot, different kid.

To complete the theme...same spot, different kid, all doing something that defines them right now.

Not a lot of places to climb in the motor home. This kid has found them all. The front seat, he climbs. The cabinets in the back that lead to jewelry and medicines and all things "keep out of reach," he climbs.

Friday, we woke up to the sound of rain. Glorious rain.

I threw caution(and fear of ringworm) to the wind and let the boys splash in a puddle. Somehow 'splash' was misconstrued as 'swim.'

We decided the humidity was tolerable enough to head to the Quadrangle. A little San Antone secret, the Quadrangle. Tito was asleep when we got there, but we had to wake him up to see the peacock.

This deer is the friendliest. She has some fon-kay teeth, but it almost looks like she's smiling. Added to her charm.

After the fun of feeding the animals a whole bag of carrots, I pictured my children grateful and willing to pose for pictures.

Not quite and here's why...

Tanks and helicopters vs pictures with mom...yeah.

Good times, this ordinary life.

Cherishing every moment of it and realizing just what's important.

on school

2011-09-09T12:32:00.000-05:00

I'm not really sure where this post is going to end up, but I have a bunch of thoughts roaming around in my head and need to get them out.

I've been considering giving up the blog for a couple of months now. It's just that one more thing that I see no point in. That said, when I was compiling Felix's birthday post and was able to pull pictures from my blog, I realized I have been blogging for five solid years and have documented every single one of his birthdays. That's pretty cool. Until technology comes up with a better way to keep memories, I will continue with this.

I also realized that Felix is technically a Texan as he's spent more of his life here than anywhere else.
He celebrated his first birthday in Phoenix.
His second in Seattle.
His third in Charlotte.
He turned four, five and six in San Antonio.

This blog has served me well in the memories department and the fact that I've made some lifelong friends via this thing is worth it to me. For the first year in several, I won't be able to make our annual September get together in MN thanks to a deployment training. Pret-ty bummed about that. I'm actually more than just bummed. Our weekend last year was the best girl's weekend I've ever had. :/ There's always next year.

Added to that, I got another email this week from someone I didn't know read my blog. It was uplifiting and encouraging and made my heart go pitter pat at the thought that other people care about the same things I care about. It made me feel like this isn't a huge waste of time and that in some teensy way, I do have a voice. A voice that is heard.

I keep wandering off topic.

I actually wanted to get some homeschool thoughts down.

As much as keeping my children from killing themselves or each other is a full time job in and of itself...
Multiplying in the feeding and watering,
Errand running,
Constant cleaning up after,
that comes with motherhood...

Formally educating them adds a whole new level of stress.

I don't just mean in the my-kid-won't-simply-circle-the-freakin'-picture-like-the-directions-say, but-would-rather-add-a-landscape-scene-behind-the-example-illustrating-the-letter-R way that can make a five minute worksheet last thirty. You might have to re-read that run on(and on and on) sentence a few times to get my point. It goes well beyond that.

I wonder if I'm teaching them the right things. I wonder if I'm teaching them enough. I wonder if I'm doing it correctly. I wonder if I'm stunting their social growth.

I wonder if I will eventually be pushed right over my self imposed sanity limit. I wonder if I will actually hear the call to join the circus. Seriously, I heard the call this week. It's just a matter of answering at this point.

I feel like I have to explain myself to people for the choice to educate at home. In the end, other people don't really matter. This is a personal choice and it's the best one, in my opinion. Otherwise, why would I be doing it?

Every single day this week, I had my choice affirmed.

By my sister. She told me not to second guess myself for even a second. I truly respect her opinion because her kids are older and she's seen what the public education system can do to kids. What they can take away from a kid.

By a friend. A friend of mine has younger kids and is trying to decide what is best for her family when her kiddos start school. She voiced some of the exact same concerns I have and I realize I am not alone. The answers that I heard coming out of my mouth affirmed exactly what I'm doing. Yes, this is the right decision.

By teachers within the public education system. They don't teach cursive anymore. They don't teach mental math and memorization anymore(AS EVIDENCED IN MY OWN KID!). Isn't math mostly memorization?! It is all about test scores and federal funding and learning how to sit still, be quiet and not step out. It is behavior modification at it's core. Those are not my words. Definitely my opinion, but not my words.

By Simon. I love that he waited six months to tell me about this situation. This kid is someone I thought was his best friend. We had a long talk about what should be tolerated and what shouldn't from someone you consider a friend. I was furious. This kid has been in our house, spent the night. The last week we lived in our house, he was right there with us, every single day. Like his brother, Simon gives people the benefit of the doubt. When I asked him why he was still his friend, Simon answered, "Well, he's not always mean to me, only when other people are around." *sigh* Luckily, he stood up for himself. Luckily, he walked away instead of punching the kid in the face(although, I wish he would, just once). I guess it says something about his character that he gave the kid chance after chance, but at some point, ya gotta figure out who your real friends are.

This instance didn't have to do with the public education system, it had to do with "socialization." The bottom line, my kid's psyche and my kid's future emotional well being and my kid's socialization shouldn't be dictated by some little monster whose parents don't care enough about him to teach him right from wrong.

I understand that Simon has to learn how to deal with other kids. That's why I gave him brothers. If he can learn to deal with his siblings, he can learn to deal with anyone.

By Felix. In just three and a half weeks time, the kid is soaring. His reading and writing skills are growing by leaps and bounds. I love it. There is a huge satisfaction in seeing him learn and knowing it's because of what I'm putting in his little noggin. It's satisfying, but stressful for all the reasons I listed earlier.

I hate that I feel like I have to explain myself to people. In the end, who cares about my kids education more than I do? It's my own fault for giving any weight to what other people think, I guess. It's not that people even try to defend other forms of education, they just put down homeschooling. There are some weirdos out there that claim they are home educators that give the rest of us a bad name, but that's not me. That's not what I'm about.

I'm from the school that the education of my children is my responsibility. Until the system cares about education more than test scores, this is what I'll do. If that means sacrificing every last second of myself to those three boys for the next twelve years, so be it.

I'll have time for coffee with the girls or photography or scrapbooking or reading or showering when they're grown.

I wanted to be a mama. This is putting my heart where my mouth is. Walking the walk.

If you can't tell, this post was a lil pep talk to myself. :) A post to come back to when I'm wanting to throw in the towel.

Happy Birthday, Felix Conrad

2011-09-06T22:02:00.001-05:00

In lieu of Ten on Tuesday, I have a birthday post for the Feefs who has now jumped to the two handed side of age. Six years old. In my head, he's stuck at two. That's the birthday we celebrated in Seattle and I will remember it always.

Felix at one.

Today was pretty rad, too, though. The park for presents, home for lunch and a Nadler's cake. Chuck E Cheese for germs and games. Whole Foods pizza for dinner. Simple, sweet and he got a DSi from Grandma and Grandpa and that is really all he's ever needed. :D

He hasn't lost any teeth yet.

He still lets me give instructions to the barber.

He is my least needy kid.

He likes homeschooling and actually listens to me as his teacher.

Felix at two.

He is not the “squeaky wheel” in this family and very rarely gets the grease. I catch myself coddling him for it from time to time. In reality, it’s just his personality. He just isn’t a nag and he takes no for an answer way, way more easily than his brothers.

He is either going to be one of those sons that moves away and never calls home or he is going to live in the basement until he’s 30. I see no happy median with that one. Luckily, I still have at least twelve years to work on his phone etiquette and clarifying the importance of calling yo mama at least twice a week.

On his last evening of being five, upon coming outside to enjoy the weather per my request, he bit it. Majorly. Lesson learned, do not ride a scooter in flip flops, without a helmet. OR attempt to jump it on a pebbly road, especially when you don’t really know how to jump it. It wasn’t just a skinned knee fall, it was a face plant, possible broken nose fall.

His baby brother ate some of his candle on the way home from the grocery store. I thought for sure he understood, “candle.” Guess it is a lil close to “candy.”

He wants to be a man so he can do whatever he wants like, “play video games all day long.”

Felix at three.

A job does not factor into his equation of manhood, nor does living on his own.

He does entirely inappropriate things like respond, “I’m gonna punch you in the face,” when most people would simply say, “I love you, too.”

He’s unsure of himself, but entirely confident.

He seems to think swimming was a skill attained for just the two week period during which he had a personal instructor. He will only swim if forced to or right about the time the rest of us have had enough swimming and are ready to head home.

He overcomes fears.

Felix at four.

He tells me he loves me out of the blue, all the time.

As tough as he seems, he is the one most uncomfortable with separation.

He's still okay with holding my hand in public.

He is a constant contradiction.

He positively shines under Simon’s praise.

He misses out on things by trying to be just like his big brother. For instance, saying no when asked by our church bus driver if he wants a sticker. Then regretting not getting the sticker the entire day.

He’s socially awkward, but attracts people to him without trying.

He is so low maintenance.

He sees no point in reading.

He can beat games that Simon can’t on the DS.

He’s getting tall and lanky.

He makes the funniest faces.

He laughs when he’s in trouble.

He loves with his entire being, just has a tough time showing it.

He thinks bodily functions are the end all-be all of comedy. What boy doesn't, though, right?

He gets left out a lot.

He gets away with a lot.

He will leave something to be done til the last possible minute, knowing 9 times out of 10 Simon will do it.

He is misunderstood, greatly.

His writing is not all that neat, but he's making huge improvements.

He loves Legos.

He loves making art.

He wants Simon’s approval more than anyones.

He loves babies.

He thinks Titus is cute and tells me every day he never wants him to grow up.

I am still stopped in my tracks by his beauty.

forgot I made this last year! Felix from a day old-five. What can I say? I'm feeling a bit nostalgic. I can't believe my middle kid is already a BIG kid. Looking through all these pictures of the Feefs makes me wonder just how done I really am(that's a message for Sean. Let's see if he really reads my blog like he says he does). :)

Back to Felix...

He says all the wrong things at all the wrong times. He will make an awesome husband.

He always gives people the benefit of the doubt. The other day, a crazy lady zoomed around us on the interstate. As I was grumbling and complaining and calling her crazy, Felix said, “Maybe she just doesn’t want to be late for life group.”

He is extremely patient , but he definitely has his limits. It takes a lot of broken lego creations to get him yelling at Titus.

He laughs. A lot. It’s musical and wonderful and contagious.

He loves Snapea Crisps.

I don’t know how in the world we’re six years into this thing.

He starts off every day with a smile, happy as a clam.

He sees connections that other people miss.

He loves God and Jesus and is starting to grasp some pretty profound things.

His attention span isn't very long.

He's competetive.

He has a great complexion and tans better than anyone in the family.

Felix at six.

If every kid was a Felix,

this world would be a happier place.

Dear 2012 Presidential Candidate,

2011-09-04T22:29:00.001-05:00

I do not care if you are a man or woman.
I do not care if you are red or yellow, black or white.
I do not care if you talk like a politician or if your hair is perfectly coiffed in a presidential manner.

I do care about your record.

I do not care what you have to say about the economy, really. It's all been said and yet, look where we are.
I do not care what you say about God, we'll see it in the walk, not the talk.

I don't care what letter follows your name, R or D. In fact, I would prefer neither.
I don't care what the media thinks of you, though I believe most Americans with half a brain cell have figured out their games.

I don't get my news from the television anyways.

ontheissues.org

The main issue for me, despite the lack of attention from the media, is the war. August was the deadliest month for our troops since the war began. Ten years, almost, of lives lost, families destroyed, money spent. It is an issue that affects every single one of us, yet it's been put on the back burner.

The website above is pretty handy. It stacks up all the records of each candidate and how they voted on the big issues. The war is alllllllllllllll the way at the bottom, but it's the first one I looked at.

Bachman, paying for people to attend the Iowa Caucas, cute.

Romney, it's a shame they keep your record on record, huh? You might as well be a Bush.

Perry, HA! Scumbag from Texas, are you a Bush?

Obama, need I bother?

Is there anyone who can say with a straight face that they applaud him as president? For all of his worshippers who slam Bush all the time, it's amazing they don't see their similarities. Obama just followed right in his footsteps. I saw an Obama bumper sticker today, from the last election. Dude, I would gnaw that thing off with my teeth. Ain't no shame in voting errors, just do better next time...and for Pete's sake, don't announce to the world who you voted for via paint damaging stickers on your car. Announce it on your blog, where you can go back and edit should they turn out to be a looooo-sa.

Back to the issues...

Last week I was at the Commissary. A guy in a motorized wheelchair rolled in front of my car. It's not an uncommon site here on Ft Sam, unfortunately. As he lagged behind his wife, I had a minute to watch them interact. It hit me like a ton of bricks, he was no older than Sean. The wife, like me, was loading groceries into their mini van full of kids. He had no legs.

A few days later, I was at the PX, on the hunt for a plastic Nemo. A kid, literally, had to be eighteen, casts on both legs and an arm that looked like the skin had been removed with a razor blade. He was just there, shopping like it was just your average dvd run.

I ran into an acquaintance at the kid's school when I was handing in some paperwork. Her husband is deployed. They have two kids. They're broke and have been separated for half their marriage thanks to the war. She's moving in with a friend and her sister tells me their marriage isn't going to last. He doesn't know his wife, let alone their kids.

My sister told me about a friend from "home." His mom and I kept in touch during Sean's deployments as they were both in AfG at the same time. He's back over there again and was recently injured enough to receive a purple heart.

Another guy, the same age Sean was when we got married. No legs, a spinal injury, brain injury and trach. His wife isn't even old enough to buy alcohol and she's having to deal with life and death situations.

What's it going to take? This war has crippled our economy. More so, it has crippled our people.

The ones who are lucky enough to make it back with all their limbs still suffer.

The physical, the emotional, the psychological.

What about the marriages?

What about the kids?

What about the long term?

Why don't people care?

I'm ready for a Revolution.

2011-08-30T17:32:00.000-05:00

1. Don't know if I can make it to ten today. I really have nothing of interest to say(ever or today). I will try.
2. A good portion of the day has been total crap. Complete with crying and an email argument.
3. Another portion of the day was wonderful, though, and I'm reminded how lucky I am to have good friends.
4. My kids have been whining and fighting a lot today, contributing to point #2.
5. Our property manager didn't respond to our latest attempt at resolution, contributing to point #2. I wanted to call him at several points throughout my day, but I have a feeling I would've said some things I'd come to regret.
6. I've been reading through the New Testament in an orderly fashion(vs skipping around) and my new favorite books are 1&2 Timothy. They just make sense. It sucks to see so many modern churches portraying exactly what Paul warned against.
7. Photoshoot tomorrow. Newborn baby girl. Building resolve now. :)
8. The weather is supposed to be changing soon. Everyone is getting excited for a high of 97-99, only 92 on Thursday, though. REALLY looking forward to Thursday.
9. I had to get the kids up early this morning to have the car inspected. A 7:30 a.m. Texas is only slightly cooler than a 4 p.m. Texas. That said, my kids wanted me to turn on "warm air" in the car. It's almost funny.
10. Hey, I made it to ten! Oh, oh, you'll notice no food rants on this post. I am going to attempt a special post each week dedicated specifically to food. Food Friday did not appeal to me nearly as much as Fat Friday. Plus, it incorporates Sean's idea of calling it, "Why are you so Fat Friday?"without sounding nearly as rude. I want to post recipes and ideas and health tips and this-vs-that suggestions. It may not work out as I'm losing interest pretty quickly in social media and blogging altogether, but...maybe.

Happy Tuesday!

aww

2011-08-29T14:12:00.000-05:00

"I love my new teacher."-Felix, grinning at me with his little crab apple cheek bones with just a touch of pink, while looking at me from up under his super long eye-lashes.

"...and his parents, they work at home, like you...!"-Simon, telling me about the main characters parents in a super tough, very impressive, way over his head book he picked out at the library. It did my heart good to hear that. :)

"Felix, they don't teach you stuff like this in regular school. Like, it was all waaaaay easy."-Simon, to his fellow student.

He's right, the math he's learning is pretty advanced and I'm noticing habits he learned and got away with in "regular school." I hear, "It doesn't matter" and "Mrs. So&So didn't care if I did it like that," quite often.

He's caught on that this Mrs. So&So does care and does make him do it correctly, even if it means starting over.

Two weeks into this gig, I am loving it...even if every day isn't all sunshine and lollipops. Despite a few idle threats of having to "write until your hand falls off," there have definitely been more good moments than bad.

--10

2011-08-23T22:37:00.000-05:00

--My kids eat beets.

This was discovered last night upon placing quail, roasted rosemary red potatoes and beets in front of them. I had to play stingy with them to get T to eat 'em and Felix had to gulp them down in one bite, but...they ate 'em. I think that makes them pretty rad.

--While on the subject of food, I have gotten tons of encouraging emails regarding my last couple of posts and I thank you all for them. Apparently, I was being too hard on myself and you guys know me well enough to hear my tone. Added to that, two emails specifically said it was because of my food rants that they are now eating healthier, organically and locally. That makes seven emails(over the last two months). SEVEN families eating healthier because I'm crazy over the top about just how bad our food supply is and how easy it is to change. I guess in the grand scheme of things, seven is nothing, but if those seven families, influence/inform seven families, and then those seven families...

--Again on food...we took the recommendation of one of my farmers to try a certain restaurant in Hondo. B-A-R-F. I knew the second we sat down it was a bad idea. If we hadn't driven 40 minutes to get there, we probably would've left. At the salad bar, I turned and gave Sean a look. "Don't be like that. Find SOMETHING you can eat."-he said. "You'll see." was my reply.

Brown cheddar ain't my thang. The $16 shrimp...I'm the idiot for buying seafood in Texas, I suppose. Either way, I just could not stomach it. I felt sick the entire way home. I just think it's hilarious that my stomach is picky now. Picky for healthy food. The same girl that never gave a thought to anything I ate so long as it was soaking up ranch dressing or honey mustard. If the two years ago me could see me now!

--Sean has been sticking his phone in my face, snapping pictures of me for the last ten minutes. The punk is playing with FatBooth on his phone. Evil.
--I can admit to having a little tinge of jealous while reading through the first day of school posts on FB yesterday. However, I read said posts at 8:30 while waiting on my little students to wake up for the day. I'm pretty sure that jealousy will wane in the weeks to come when everyone else is still getting up at 6 o'clock in the morning.

--One tiny downside to living in a tiny space with tiny little leprechauns...they can reach everything. I went to snatch a batch out of the oven and turned around to see this one shoving cookies into his mouth as fast as he could:

He was not happy about the mess the chocolate made of his hands.

--I made the cookies using that same Southern Living recipe my friend got me hooked on, but I was out of eggs. Being out of eggs is kinda a big deal for me, because I can't just run to the store for more. I would rather not eat eggs than eat grocery store eggs. Yup, even the organic, free range eggs. If you'd like to know more as to why, I'd be happy to send some links. :D Anyways, I already had the craving in my gut for some chocolate chip cookies.

I ended up calling in a sub. 1TBSP of flax meal + 3 TBSP of water=1 egg. It gives a slightly nutty flavor, but in baked goods, it works. I don't think I'd use it in everyday cooking, but for baking, heck yeah.

--While I have some pictures in mind, complete with Fall clothes, this is the best we can do with our 108 degree day. They were already in their pjs, hence the knee down shots. Although, truth be told, we do school in our pjs most days...

--This boy is waiting on his birthday for his own DSi. For now, he takes what he can get when his big brother is feeling gracious(NOT OFTEN!).

--While on the subject of people I love, Simon has recently become acquainted with a friend of mine. He's known OF her for quite some time, but this past Wednesday, she engaged in a deep conversation about Lego building with my boy. Suddenly, "Mr. Kent's wife" and "Campbell's mom" has her very own name. And it has come up very, very frequently this week, all pertaining to legos, of course. :D

not quite

2011-08-20T20:01:00.000-05:00

We aren't sports people.

I played volleyball in high school and a few rounds of city league softball when I was a kid. Sean played no organized sports. We don't watch sports on t.v. or listen to sports on the radio or read about sports in the newspaper. Not for any particular reason other than that we have no desire to. Obviously, we are not typical Americans. We acknowledge that.

Simon played t-ball for half a season when he was three. That was about it for organized sports for him.

This all came to a head a few nights ago as we were out tossing a football back and forth while waiting on Sean to get home from work. Simon surprised the heck out of me by throwing a perfect spiral(is that what it's called when the ball twirls without wobbling?) time after time. Apparently, a kid down the street schooled him on how to properly throw a football a few months back.

He got a little arrogant with my praise, so he backed up a bit. Back and back and back he went.

"I'm gonna go way back, Mom, to the outfield."

Now, I'm no expert on football. I know none of the lingo. I keep my mouth shut when football is being discussed. However...I know it is not called the outfield. Poor, Simon, I couldn't even tell him what it's actually called. Ha!

Might be about time we sign him up for some extra curricular activities. :D

To keep it even, I must post a Felix funny.

He was excited to be beating Joker on a level of the Lego Batman game that Simon has been unable to conquer. In his attempt to appear even cooler to his big brother who was already congratulating him, he started slinging insults at the game.

"Take that Joker! You're about to get a taste of my inner peace!"

Yup, that's my future preacher, right there.

And the third, not likely to be a preacher, child...I'm trying to fix his habit of saying the D word by yelling, "Oh man!" encouragingly(while nodding with my eyebrows up, smiling clownishly) every time he gets Hulkish in an attempt to sway his speech patterns.

It didn't work when I turned off the movie he wasn't watching.
It didn't work when his brother took a bite of his eggs.
It didn't work when his truck broke.
It didn't work when he couldn't get on the bed by himself.

Tonight, we had a little heart to heart as I was putting him to bed.

"Titus, do you know what 'bad word' means?"-me
"Dammit."-him
"That's right! That's a bad word. We don't say that." I replied, shocked that he knows exactly what I've been saying all day long.
"Otay, Mommy."-the little turd

shooting me with the hose attachment. An unfair fight as he's wearing the helmet.

healthy, not healthy

2011-08-19T21:52:00.000-05:00

I got quite a few responses on my last post. Mixed reviews about my stank attitude. The one that sticks out, in my mind, is the 100% honest one. If you don't have a close friend that can tell you you're being an ass, get one. So you know, I will not be that friend for you. As I mentioned before, I am a chicken and being 100% honest with people does not come naturally to me. Luckily, one of my gal pals doesn't have that problem and it's one of the things I love about her. Thanks, Bud, it was just the kick in the pants I needed.

Sean and I got into it again recently about healthy attitudes about food vs unhealthy.

Wanting to share with the world about the dangers of our food supply...healthy.
Wanting to vomit at the thought of a hotdog...not healthy.

Getting upset about a recent e. coli outbreak...healthy.
Wanting to punch an ignorant radio hostess in the face over her comments...not healthy.

Wanting the best for my kids and all the kids in the whole wide world...healthy.
Wanting to tackle the little hefty, hefty sinch sack at Jason's Deli the other day who was so morbidly obese at the ripe old age of six or seven that he could not fit down the aisles between the tables(in his defense, they squeeze a lot of tables in there)and wrestle the ice cream cone from his chubby, little sausage fingers...not healthy.

Shopping locally, organically...healthy.
Wanting to ram a mother with my shopping cart(not for the fact her four year old had a pacifier in his mouth, not for the fact that he was wearing a diaper that obviously needed changing) because her kid stood and screamed for cheetos at the top of his lungs the entire time I was in the store...not healthy.

Searching for healthy recipes I can share with friends...healthy.
Having my friends assume I think less of them because of what they eat...not healthy at all. And as a happy aside, not something I do.

My brain thinks in very broad generalizations. I have honestly never thought, "Whosawhatsit lets her kids drink soda. OMG." Seriously, I haven't. I might think it about the anonymous child walking out of Whole Foods with a 32 ounce McDs cup full of soda, but not in a way that forms a real, nasty thought towards a friend. I sincerely apologize if I've ever made any of my friends feel that way.

I don't want to be judged about my food choices, so I don't judge. When I hear people say they think fast food restaurants should be banned from America, I play devil's advocate whole heartedly. It is still about choice. If someone wants to choose fast food, they should have every right to, just as I want the right to eat farm fresh food.

When I am stirred into a whirling dervish, I get a little obnoxious. In truth, I want to tick people off enough that they'll come back at me, engage, try to defend what they're eating and end up realizing I'm right. I want people to take a giant black trash bag into their pantry and start over. What I really want...is to live in a different time. Once you see the connections between our food world, the drug industry, the government, the HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE conflicts of interests that create this giant web of deception, there's no going back.

Crappy food creates sick people who need drugs produced by the drug companies which are controlled by the government. Although, it could be the other way around as so many politicians are owned by the drug companies. Anyways, this could lead to a whole 'nother post.

In an effort to avoid coming across as an absolute know it all, I will TRY keep my opinions/sarcasm out of things from here on out. If I have something beneficial to add to my food rants, it will be articles or links or something to substantiate any claims I'm making.

I just re-read that last paragraph. I don't know if it's possible for me to withhold sarcasm or opinions. After all, it's my blog. It's where I am most honest. I'll meet myself in the middle and say...I'll try to be a little less snarky.

on attitude

2011-08-18T22:10:00.001-05:00

Where to begin...

I was thinking about the whole beef recall again. I was talking to Sean last night about my attitude towards the average consumer. The people to blame are the manufacturers. The "big 5" that Food, Inc. refers to are the ones to blame. Not everyone has the time, energy, money, motivation to track down farm fresh beef. And they shouldn't have to! Grocery stores should provide food that people don't have to worry about. A consumer should be able to go to the Kroger, Winn Dixie or Publix(the three chains included in the recall) and buy a pound of ground beef that isn't going to poison their family...and I'm not referring to the e. coli.

Knowing what I know, I know that this isn't possible. So I aim my voice at the consumer. That is the only way to force the hand of the big companies. If you take the time and energy to track down real food and vote with your dollar, the big 5 have to eventually feel the sting.

I don't mean to come across snarky, I really don't.

I used to be a patron of McDook's. I fed my children the 10,000 cow blend. I let them drink cup after cup of high fructose corn syrup. I bought what was on sale from the middle aisles of the grocery store. I assumed the meat in the meat department was fine. I didn't question the pasteurized milk that was placed before me. I didn't read labels. I didn't think before I ate.

If I can change, anyone can. Everyone can. Everyone should.

Yesterday, we drove twenty minutes out of town to take some vitamins to one of my farmers. When I saw him at the farmer's market on Saturday, he mentioned not feeling well. I called him yesterday to check on him and told him I was bringing him some Vitamin d3(a vitamin EVERYONE should be on) and colloidal silver(a natural antibiotic).

After dropping them off and trading him for two gallons of milk, we hung around and talked, pet a cow, watched him work, met one of his helpers. It was entirely surreal. I can't wait to go back for a real work day. I want to get my hands dirty. Simon is convinced that each teet of the cow produces a different flavor of milk. :) As hot as it is, he questioned if the cows in the field produce hot chocolate. At 106 degrees, it isn't that far fetched.

Bottom line, my kid got to pet a cow whose milk we consume.

There is no better feeling that being involved in my food choices. There is no greater satisfaction than having a personal relationship with the people who provide food for my family.

Another area I'm having to tighten the reigns of my attitude are with our ~~landlord~~ property manager of the house we just left. Things have gone from annoying to completely inconvenient to stressful to just plain wrong. Sean met with a JAG lawyer this morning. Basically, we're screwed. His advice to renters is to pay your move in deposit with the thought of never getting it back. Our situation is going to end up in small claims court, I fear.

I ran in to the new tenants the other day while dropping off some forms at the kid's old school. We had a great conversation in which I was informed our property manager has been slandering us, telling her what terrible tenants we were. Really?

A terrible tenant is one who waits indefinitely on repairs? A terrible tenant is one who decides the crappy dishwasher is not worth the hassle and hand washes their dishes for the last six months of their stay? A terrible tenant is one who has pride in a house they don't own? A terrible tenant is one who has never been so much as a day late with their rent for two solid years? A terrible tenant is one who falls for your scam, befriends you, invites you to family functions, and allows you to harass their other guests by passing out business cards? A terrible tenant is one who watches your kids so you can go to parties?

It's been hard to reign in the attitude when I feel so personally insulted. We were not terrible tenants, we were model tenants, but suckers. Suckers who treated our property manager as we would like to be treated. We gave the benefit of the doubt time after time and assumed our friendship was worth more than a business deal. The situation is still not resolved, but I don't figure it ever will be. The thirty day deadline to have the deposit refund/move out checklist returned is quickly approaching. If nothing else, it's been a learning experience and we will never go into another rental deal without looooooooots of documentation. Any future move in checklist we encounter will have something written on every single line. I will never again overlook things like door stoppers missing their rubber endcap.

With social media and the reach of the internet, you would think business people would think a little harder about how they conduct transactions.

This post started out as something entirely different from where it's headed, so maybe I ought to wrap it up.

The point is, I don't ever want to come across as judgemental. I don't like being judged and I have no room to judge. I think it's natural to think the way I do things is the best way, otherwise, why would I be doing it? We all feel that way, right? I'm not unique in that. I can admit to getting a little carried away with my passion, the way I try to get my thoughts through. I talk a big game here on the intra-nets because it's the only place I can talk a big game. In real life, I'm the biggest chicken you've ever met. A free-range, organic, preservative free, all natural, local chicken, but still...a chicken.

Added to that, I have a two year old that says, "Damn it." Sean is 100% taking the blame for it, as he should. I say, "DANG it." It's the only way my Southerness really shines through. Sean, however, uses the D word all too casually and has obviously said it a time or two in front of my impressionables. I've never had a kid that embarrasses me in public, but this might just be the one.

He said it tonight, again at Jason's Deli. What is it with his public displays in that particular restaurant?? I put a little plate of hummus in front of him and he got a tiny little dollop on his pinky. He gasped as though he'd been shot and threw out an, "Eeewww, DAMN IT!"

I realize such a thing might cause some of you to judge me. I'm just keeping it real. This is an open letter to my family, twenty years down the road. I think it's entirely inappropriate(and hoooooooooolarious) for my two year old to be saying such things, but it's something I want to remember. And I thank my lucky stars it's just the D word.

Looking at his sweet little face, you'd never guess he's such a foul mouth. :)