6 years 2 months

April 1, 2020 is the last time I wrote on this blog. I come back to this spot from time to time for pictures or to jog a memory of a when or a who. 

Sean bought me a laptop for our anniversary. Not one for the kiddos. Not one for their school. It's all mine. He did point out that this should count as silver for our Silver Anniversary as much of the internals are made of silver. I'll allow it. 

I told him I'd like to write again. I am super out of practice, but I did so enjoy the memory keeping and the jotting down the dailiness of life once upon a time. I have years of memories written down for the boys and my second girl hasn't even a mention in this old diary of mine. The first girly at least got a few of her early moments recorded. 

Kinda crazy that my little Birdie on that post was about the same age baby sister is now. The passing of time is crazy. The games our minds play regarding time so we don't crumble at the thought of...how quickly it all goes...how much we waste it...how Ecclesiastical time really is. 

As I read through my last post, written at the beginning of the covid era, it's so weird to me how much has changed. Not just in our family, but in the world. It all feels so different. So much has been unveiled and it just feels, I don't know, darker? More wicked? Heavier? Closer to The End?

Maybe it's my age. Maybe it's that my kids have grown up. Maybe it's that we're different. 

Six years ago, Simon hadn't even graduated high school. He's been married over a year with a baby boy on the way. I wish I'd written all about the beginning of Simon and Jael. It's been so awesome to be part of this union and to watch the families blend. Her mama has become my dearest friend and I never could've imagined how sweet it would be to truly like my in-laws. I guess I always thought they'd just be a side character in the story. Like she'd be Simon's wife, sure, but not one of *my* best friends. She has been and continues to be the answer to every prayer I ever prayed regarding the girl my son would choose. 

The same could be said about Felix and Hannah. To have struck gold a second time seems incredibly lucky, if we believed in that kinda thing. As it turns out, our God is faithful to answer prayers time and time again. He did that with Hannah. She is to Felix what Jael is to Simon in different ways; in every way Felix needs. 

I was at their house the other day. It's always surreal to me to be at one of my children's homes. I was taking in my surroundings, wondering why their dog doesn't like me. I don't think it's me. I think he just really loves Felix. He misses him if he takes a step away and pines for him til he returns, even if he just went to put his shoes on. Anyway, as I was sitting there, realizing the dog wasn't going to entertain me, I took in the wedding pictures on the wall. Felix printed and framed them himself while Hannah was away on our girls' trip. Tell me that isn't the most precious thing you've ever heard. My eyes continued to scan their decorations and photos and my heart just went pitter pat with pride over how dang cute their first little home is. My eyes settled on their biggest picture. 

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord, it says. 

How's a mom supposed to keep the eyes from misting over when the fruit is right there. The fruit of everything we poured in and the fruit of all that Hannah's parents poured in, right there on display. Two young newlyweds, living out their faith. It's not just about their choice of artwork, it's that they really live it. 

The girls trip I mentioned was this past week. Well, dang. This might get long because I have a lot to say. Let me back up a week or two. 

Sean and I went to the mountains for our anniversary. Amish/Mennonite territory of Virginia. Didn't really know it existed, but I found a super cute Airbnb and made a trip out of it. There's a quilt museum in this town(yes, it's as lame as it sounds) and the biggest fabric store in VA (not lame) is also there. Throw in the place we ate breakfast every morning and that was all there was in this tiny town. Thankfully, there were a few more small towns nearby that had just enough to do to keep us busy, but also forced us to relax. 

The trip was as perfect as could be. We made some great memories. About a month before our anniversary, we got some pretty surprising news. Maybe only surprising to us? Somehow, I found myself pregnant. It seems kinda goofy, looking back, how shocked I was. Having an almost two year old, I still felt on some side of normal that at least she'll be older than her nephew, though not by a lot. Having a baby that would come after its nephew felt a tad freakish. A grandma having a baby? That's just weird. We are not those people, and yet, we are those people. When I called the midwife, I said I'd be joining Jael for her appointment and asked if they could see me also. 

"Sure!...For what?" she asked.

After clarifying that I was sure that I was sure, 14 positive tests sure, they scheduled my appointment. I had lab work done. Everything looked good. They even mentioned I am not their oldest patient. The midwives are awesome about going beyond the physical. We talked about the emotions of a surprise pregnancy and I found myself defensive in a mama bear way, even then. I wanted this baby. I want every baby. I was fine being the butt of jokes. I was fine starting over. I was fine being old and pregnant, again.

After our appointments, Jael and her mom and I had the privilege of seeing our grandson on ultrasound. What an experience. The lady who did the u/s, a family friend of Jael's, asked as I walked in, "How does it feel to be on this side of things? Y'know, not pregnant?" I replied, "Well, actually..." And we all laughed. 

Seeing baby boy on the screen was so surreal. The way Ebony and my eyes kept meeting over this miracle. To be able to pick out Simon's chin and Jael's nose and a plethora of siblings' features on the screen was overwhelming in all the best ways. So much joy. 

So we had that awesome day. A week later, Sean and I were on the anniversary trip. Some sucker didn't sign out of their Disney account, so we watched Father of the Bride 2. What's crazy is that we watched the first one the night before Simon and Jael's wedding. Such a full circle moment to be watching the second one, realizing it's kind of our life. We quoted, "and WHO may I ask is the father?!" our whole trip. If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch the movie. :)

A few days after our trip, I had an ultrasound. I'd scheduled it at that first midwife appointment, just to make sure of dates and such. Thankfully, Sean was off for Memorial Day and was able to come with me. I knew right away. As soon as she put the thing on my belly, I could tell the little nugget wasn't moving. I hoped I was wrong. I wasn't. It's the worst, worst feeling. "There's no heartbeat, I'm sorry." To get used to the idea of another little one, to hope and dream and wonder. To tell all the kids and get their reactions. To tell some people, but not too many people. That's the thing about having already had some losses is that you tend to play your cards close to the vest. But everything looked good and so I started to relax. How crazy to fall in love with the idea of someone you'll never meet, this side of Heaven. The only people who truly understand are those who have been through it. Seeing the little body on the screen, their tiny arms and legs and perfect little head...knowing they're already gone is just heartbreaking. 

Months ago, we'd planned a girls trip up to Lancaster, PA. I know, two trips to Amish towns in a row. We wild. The plans were made before I was pregnant. I know the timing of it all was no accident. It was my mom and me, my 2 daughters in law, Jael's mom, Ebony, and her grandma, Ms. Mary. 

I prayed I wouldn't go through the miscarriage process on my trip, but of course, I knew that's exactly when it would happen. Thankfully, some prayer warriors were on it and I know that's the only thing that kept me afloat. The trip was absolutely perfect in every other way. I am so glad I didn't cancel. We spent a lot of time in the Word. We saw Joshua at Sight and Sound Theater and it was amazing. We did all kinds of girly restaurants and coffee shops and markets. We stayed up late and played card games. We talked, a lot. A lot a lot. We took a buggy ride with a Mr. Leroy who has 7 kids, 39 grandkids and 21 great grands. He's 83 years old and just the most delightful man. He answered all of our questions about being Amish. He took us to a big Amish dairy and introduced us to all kinds of animals and answered more questions from us. He made me wanna be Amish, honestly. Maybe Mennonite, because...electricity. The highlight of the trip for me was the morning we left. We were going to read Ruth, but things shifted and we ended up in a powerful time of prayer. It was one of the most special mornings of my life and I know I will never forget it. 

Ugh, maybe this is why I stopped blogging. Anything longer than a Facebook complaint, quip or quote starts feeling like I said way too much. I do tend to overshare. I don't really know where to go from here. I feel a little stuck. In life and in writing. 

We've reached the lazy days of summer, but it doesn't feel super relax-y. Titus is finishing up the longest ever driver's ed course(I mean, it's actually laughable because obviously no one in VA paid a lick of attention if the situation on every roadway in the Commonwealth is any indication.), just got his first job, travels all over playing paintball and is in love with a girl that is following a very familiar timeline. 

Jude has this horse. After months(and months and months) of convincing, we decided to lease this ole gal. I figured we'd be going out to the barn twice a week now vs once. He figured we'd be going twice a day, every day, for the rest of our lives. As of now, we're closer to his idea than mine. 

The little sisters are along for the ride, most of the time. Sparrow has a girl's group that we meet up with a couple times a month. It's the first thing that's really made me feel like a girl mom. I love it. I kinda thought Sparrow would want to dance or something by now, but she seems to be following in Jude's footsteps and really just wants to get on a horse. She's a little sassy to be on a thousand pound animal as of yet, but she's almost there. 

All that to say, life is full. Even with broken hearts and the "what now" feeling, I rejoice in the here and now. There's no sugarcoating or silver linings for the ache in my soul, but I know God is using/will use this to conform me to the image of Christ. He will use this for His glory. God is sovereign and it is His grace that has given me children, including the ones who have gone on to eternity before me. 

Ten on Tuesday

Yeah, I know. It's actually Wednesday, but who acknowledges things like days of the week anymore? Is anybody out there? Do people read blogs anymore? It seems there's been a recent resurgence in blogging, but it may just be in the circles I travel. They're small circles with particular interests, so maybe blogging is officially dead. Alas, here I am, hoping to connect with the outside world.

1. Yesterday, I purposely avoided any news of the current situation we find ourselves in. I did not read the numbers. I did not read the headlines. Whenever my mind started to wonder or wander, I reigned it back in and asked for some Help keeping my mind focused. I haven't felt such peace in weeks.

2. Today, I looked at the numbers and read the headlines. I let myself linger there for a few minutes. I stayed long enough to collect facts, but not long enough to feed the fear.

3. I've never been more thankful for the way the oldest 3 do school. It was no change for us and their teachers have been so, so amazing. One of T's teachers in particular had me in tears several times last week as she spoke calmly about the situation, reassuring the students. She's very matter of fact, but just has a way about her that brings peace. I sent her a note and told her as much.

4. A few nights ago we had an amazing time of prayer with the kiddos. Full disclosure: it's not the norm. We had reached a breaking point. Everybody was fighting, fuses were super short and anxiety was through the roof. Sean's job, the military aspect that lingers, typical brotherly clashes...it was a day! I had everybody settle in in the coffee nook. Isaiah 26 was the focus. (It was all somber and holy until someone realized there is a verse in the Bible about farting. 'Tis true. Read Isaiah 26 and find it for yourself.) The reason I bring all this up besides trying to make everyone think I'm super holy and righteous is to ask: do you pray with your eyes closed? One of our littles was really shy about praying out loud. Closing our eyes and bowing our heads only made it more awkward. I get the reverence aspect and blocking out distractions, but in practice: do you chat out loud to God? Do you keep it in your inner most thoughts? Do you set aside time to close everyone else out and spend guarded time alone in prayer? Or do you giggle shyly, quietly say what's on your mind and find comfort in knowing He hears and He cares?

5. A separate, but related point: Each kid was asked what/who they'd like to pray about. Know that every single family that we know who is still stuck in Japan was prayed for by name.

6. Jude learned to whistle. He's really good at it. It's been raining for two days. Jude learned to whistle.

7. I've made more than quite a few quilt tops lately. I was planning to do some sandwiching, basting, quilting of my own, but my favorite long armer just announced all of her quilting is a penny a square inch. That's huge savings! It would still cost a small fortune to send off all of my tops, but if I send them off, I can start more tops instead of focusing on the parts of quilting I dislike.

8. One of the first friends I made upon moving back home happens to have a ton of Sakura trees on her property. I visited her home for the first time in the Fall and didn't really take notice. I saw her amazing yard as a whole, not the individual pieces. A few visits later, my heart flip flopped as I recognized the knobby knees of my favorite trees. She was kind enough to share a few weeks ago before the plague was upon us:

9. Next month makes a YEAR that we've been home. It certainly doesn't feel like it and I miss Japan, very much. Not Yokota, but Japan. They're two very separate places in my mind's eye. Although, I do miss some of the people and relationships of Yokota. Such a mixed bag of emotions.

10. Could anyone have ever imagined we'd be here? Who would've thought it would make it from funny memes to lockdowns in, what, one months time? I really like the idea of having the kids journal their feelings or perspectives during this time, but I know that won't happen. Not my kids. Write? For the future? Nah. This may be an attempt to do that for them. To remember the time we were all forced together for a long stretch of time. Our Monday-Friday hasn't changed a heap, but it's a little different knowing the rest of the world is locked down, too. It's different knowing we can't just run to the store whenever the whim hits. We can't even load up and go for a picnic. We haven't been out of the house as a family unit since Jude's birthday. I have never been so thankful for a day at the beach with my kiddos. We went for donuts and ice cream that day. We went to the fabric store where I made a joke about "stocking up for quarantine quilting." We stopped at the guitar shop for Felix and we rounded out the day with Sparrow falling asleep in the car just in time for some Nordstrom Rack clearance shopping while we waited on traffic to clear from the tunnel. It was a jam packed normal day, three long weeks ago. It was before I was super concerned about how far X number of bread loaves would go and how many ways I can play Tetris with my freezer. I wonder what three weeks from now will look like...

**A bonus #11. We've been taking walks through our neighborhood at least twice a day, if it's not raining. We met more neighbors on one walk than we've met in the many years we've lived here. One of them I met three years ago. I made a joke about having to go all the way to Japan to get Sparrow. She laughed and laughed and I just stared at her. It occurred to me after the fact that maybe she didn't realize we left for two and a half years. Maybe she thought I meant we adopted Sparrow from Japan? Either way, it was awkward. Anyways, on our walk the other day, one of my children said completely out of the blue, while staring up at a large Magnolia tree: "Well, mom, those would be good leaves...if it comes to that." Ba dum pshhhh #toiletpapershortage

Back to School

Ooh, ooh! Our turn!

This guy's already a few days into his JUNIOR year via LUOA. It seems like it should be a bigger deal than it actually is. I did try on the phrase, "He's graduating next year," earlier today and it didn't quite sound right, but it is what it is. He's had some pretty big changes lately. A job, a car, all the normal fixings of a teenage life. Some things were put on hold due to our geographic location of the past few years, but now that we're home, he's back on schedule and thriving. 

EIGHTH grade for this guy(and a birthday coming up soon!). This one is my learner. Always reading, always learning, always trying to one up his brother. He gained a guitar recently and has taught himself several songs via youtube. He's also got a few weeks of violin lessons under his belt. 

This one is entering FIFTH grade. He and the eighth grader will be doing things a little differently this year. They all chose to continue homeschooling in a sense, but I won't be the one doing the teaching. Thank God, because I'm tired. The middle two will be going to Wilson Hill Academy, if anyone's curious. Tito is into chatting with his friends in Japan and his drums. He got a full set. I thought they'd be a fun garage addition. Thanks to humidity, they are inside now. They weren't a fun addition to the garage. They're an even less fun addition to the inside of the house. It is so frickin' loud in here, all the tiiiiime. 

 This little rockstar will still have me as his FIRST grade teacher, but he kinda likes the one on one time. The cowboy boots were Simon's, once upon a time. I'm so glad they made their way back to us through the portals of storage. They are his footwear of choice and I don't fight it. 

I never saw homeschooling taking us this far. I never saw us taking homeschooling this far. It was all fun and games when they were little and we had time to get it all in their noggins. Things got real much more quickly than I anticipated. This year, I looked into private schools. I looked into public schools. I looked into running away to join the circus. I did a lot of crying, if I'm being perfectly honest. Yet here we are. Our tenth year of homeschooling? That seems crazy. 

It's the hardest thing I've ever done for so long of a time period. It's exhausting, but rewarding. It's frustrating, but fun. Up to this point, I can honestly say, it's all been worth it. 

6 months(&11 days)

Baby cakes is quite a few days past six months already. She's an awesome baby. Despite her non-existent sleep pattern, she is typically very content. She's a big fan of her feet, chewing on anything, face timing, having her picture taken, anything that crinkles, Minnie Mouse, her brothers, going on walks, driving(so long as the car is in motion), this one particular kids's singing youtube video, sitting in carts, spoons, Japanese sweet potatoes, carrots and fresh blueberries.

It may be a bit early to make assumptions, but she seems to favor her left hand over her right. Sean is a lefty and none of the boys are; I think it would be a fun trait to add to her dimples and red hair.

No, she's not sleeping through the night and while compact, she does manage to take up 3/4 of a King size bed. She has just started sitting up on her own. She tries to feed herself with the spoon, which is awesome(ly messy).

Her poor sleep habits aren't entirely my fault. Her best nap time is usually around 4:30 pm. The anthem plays over the loud speaker every day at 5. Throw in the fact that helicopters, the sound of a basketball being dribbled(there's a basketball court right under her window), the front door latching, and dogs barking wake her up and it's a recipe for no sleep.*

*unless she's being held. Then, none of those sounds wake her up.

Essential oils being diffused, sound machines, swaddling, not swaddling, being warm, being cool, being on her back, stomach, or side do not work to keep her asleep. Every once in a while, it's sheer luck that keeps her in her own bed for any length of time.

Peek a boo scares the crap out of her, every time, yet none of her brothers take the hint. Felix has a voice, just for her. It's pretty much the most adorable thing you've ever seen to watch him interact with her. She is a big fan of his hair and I wonder if she thinks his name is actually "Fuzzy headed ninny muggins," as I refer to him as such.

She has one strand of hair that sticks up way farther than the rest. We are all very careful with that one piece and it's hanging on for dear life. It blows in the wind and cracks us all up more than it should. What can I say? We're very easy to amuse.

We go "kawaii" fishing every time we leave base. Nothing makes me smile like toting this little rockstar through a crowd of old Japanese women. While standing in line at the IKEA cafeteria during the lunch rush recently, an entire row beside us flipped completely around, one by one. It was like human dominoes, "Kawaii! Kawaii! Kawaii!"

I already see so much of a difference in her. I guess I didn't expect differences at so young an age, but she's gentler than the boys ever were. She hugs her stuffed animals already. Like...cuddles them and loves on them rather than throwing them or ignoring them. She doesn't head butt me like every single baby boy I've ever had did at this age. She doesn't pull my hair. She's not demanding. Whenever she hears singing that sounds even the littlest bit emotional, she gets a very concerned look on her face like she could break out sympathy crying at any moment.

She is amazing. Totally worth the wait and sometimes I think maybe she was the whole reason for coming to Japan.

another Japanniversary

We passed the two year mark a few weeks ago. We've been here longer than we were in Virginia, Ohio, or Maryland. 

This was our first visit to Fuji, just after we got here in 2017:

 It's been fun. I love this country. I love these people.*

*In the last week alone, we've had two experiences that remind me being a jerk isn't exclusive to Americans. Traffic here is different. People cut you off constantly, but they do it so politely that you don't want to go all rage-y on them. They just put their hand up and go. Or they throw a blinker on and go. If there's even the tiniest chance they can force their car into your flow of traffic, they will take it and then give you their flashers to say thank you. 

Sometimes, though...you can't stop.  

The other day, for instance. We were on our way into Tokyo for a bit of an emergency. As we approached an intersection, a lil work van started to cut over. There was no room. There was no time. It wasn't even close. Sean slammed on the brakes, but the work van pushed so far over, Sean had to whip into the next lane. Um, yeah. There was a giant dump truck in that lane. The giant dump truck driver managed to stop in time, but he may have been eating ramen and it may have dumped in his lap. The other joy of traffic here is that the red lights catch you. You may slip through one, but will surely be stopped by the next light, ten yards down the road. I knew the dump truck driver was mad. Not at the original work van that started the whole thing, he was mad at us. 

To our chagrin, he pulled up alongside us as the next red light and rolled his window down. We did the bow and mime forgiveness in the gaijin way thing, but he still yelled at us. Not sure what he yelled, but yell he did. 

Instance number two happened at Costco. Baby cakes was worn out from all her being cute and wanted a snack for the ride home. I was parked behind a divider, so it wasn't a big deal to nurse her real quick. Naturally, another work van backed in in front of me. Three men got out. Man number one noticed what I was doing and said something to the other two. Instead of being polite, knowing full well what I was doing, they went out of their way to walk directly beside my car and all three of them looked down on me. One of them said something rather obnoxiously and they all laughed. I have never once felt like I needed to lock my doors while out in public here, but that experience made me feel so violated. 

But wait. It gets worse. 

After I locked my doors and made sure they'd moved on their merry way, I settled down...only to notice another man in their party. He was about 175 years old, so I didn't notice him at first. I glanced up and he was peeking at me around the corner of their van. The fella looked just like the hyena on Lion King, crazy eyes and all. He wasn't just peeking at me, he was taking a whiz. Once he realized I saw him, he turned his back to me and finished emptying his bladder on the wall. No lie, he peed for a solid three minutes. Yeah. Ew.

Last year:

This was close to our two year mark:

And Sean got this one at the Tokyo Tower. 

Two years. Man. MEN. In two years two of them have turned into men.

Another story I'll want to visit when the Japan homesickness gets strong: Today I had to renew our JCI(Japanese Compulsory Insurance, is a government regulated, mandatory safety inspection that must be done every two years for cars in Japan). I didn't think it would be that big of a deal.

Let me tell you how big of a deal it actually is. I had an inspection with the Auto Hobby shop on base. I thought it was THE inspection, but no. There's an inspection before the inspection because governmental headaches is also not America specific. Thank goodness, a friend offered to take two of the knuckleheads since my babysitters are currently galavanting across America with their Pops.

90 minutes of pre-inspecting resulted in a failure to pass. My tires are worn(funny...just bought brand new tires 10 months ago. *sniff sniff* I smell a racket) and some other automobile piece a gal like me can't care to remember needs replacing. I learned today that JCI and regular insurance are two different things. How fun that they both expire this month. I got the two things cross threaded and as it turns out, only one is not due til the end of the month, and the other...expired two weeks ago and I'm basically a fugitive, likely to be arrested at any moment.

Can I just continue on with this money grab and slip on past the Bounty Hunters to the garage to have my tires changed? Heavens, no.

I had to go to the Insurance office to pay the JCI(not to be confused with the insurance-even though it's the insurance office).
Then I had to go to the bank because I didn't have enough cash.
Then it was back to the Insurance Office.
Then it was to City Hall(off base) to get temporary plates that last five days.
Then to the off base garage to have repairs done.
Then to a restaurant within walking distance because the garage has no waiting area.
Then to the bank again because the off base garage is cash only.
Then it was to spend a few minutes repenting when the ATM brought me to my daily-withdrawal-limit-met knees.
Then it was reaching victory via my change purse and getting my van paid for.
Then back to where it all started at the on base Auto Hobby Shop to get the magical red "pass" inspection stamp.
Then I managed to slide across the finish line at the insurance office just as they were closing.

Only to find out it wasn't the finish line. "The car has to go for an inspection."

"What, pray tell, have I been doing for the last 7 hours?"-me, in my head. "This(rifling through the large stack of recently accumulated paperwork and receipts) isn't it?"

"That's pre inspection," matter-o-factly, as if I'm the crazy one and this all makes perfect sense.

Imagine my glee as the Insurance lady made sure to cement the smile on my face by telling me that due to President's Day, my temporary tag will expire before the inspection can be done and I will have to go back to City Hall to extend my tag and then back to the Insurance Office so they can take my van to Tachikawa.

This is why people sell cars before JCI is due. Now I get it. I did find a small(infinitesimal, really) solace in the fact that I actually knew where all these places were, but still. Dang. I know this will all be funny tomorrow.

I feel I should mention(& receive an award for) the fact that Sparrow's teething, Jude's behavior clearly reflects that he's in mourning from his grandparents departure and Titus is overly fulfilling his "man of the house" role by being a touch bossy.

*sigh* I haven't blogged the little things in a while. I ran into a friend at the commissary I hadn't seen in quite some time. She mentioned she reads my blog. An aisle later, she stared at my circus somewhat bewildered. We'd managed to make it down the clearance Valentines aisle before I had to say, "Kick your brother again and it all goes back." I'm not sure if you were curious or horrified, Friend, but you did manage to bring me back to center with, "One day, you'll miss this, right?"

I think so...?

Yeah, I think so. 

favorites from this week

And by week, I mean month. I really can't keep up with time. The months are flying by. She's made it to four months. I managed to get her to her well baby appointment. Surprise, we went in well and walked out with a lil cold. Awesome. 

Anyways, the most valuable info from that appointment is that she weighs 14 1/2-ish pounds. Could've gleaned that by weighing her at the BX and skipped the hospital germs, but I'm not even sure they sell scales. 

She's started dabbling in the world of real food. Well, baby food, which doesn't seem entirely real given the colors and concoctions. I did baby led weaning with Jude, because he was cloth diapered and it's hippy baby law. Not really, I just didn't want to deal with the combo of cloth diapers meets baby food. Ew. 

Little Miss kept eye balling our food and she's not really all that interested in things like sleep. I thought food might help. It hasn't, but she's super cute when she's gumming the slop off the spoon. 

On that subject, we figured out the noise of the Osprey wakes her up. She'll sleep through a lot, but the low thump of the Osprey blades and she's all, "Gooooooood morning!" Today I managed to get her back to sleep three separate times. By the third PEEKABOO, I was ready to join the Japanese in boycotting the Osprey.

If she remembers to grab her cheeks like this as she grows up, she'll be able to get anything she ever wants. 

Pinky out! She's practicing for all the tea parties we're going to have. 

It was hard to compete with Santa's face on this fabric. She kept turning away from the camera to stare at jolly ole St. Nick.

The dimples! The halo...err, hair bow! Oh what an angel, she is.

And we're off to try and ramen away our colds.

Sixteen

I could wax on about how amazing this kid young man is. I could blather about how studious he is when interested in something. How he's focused and diligent and respectful. I could repost comments so many of his customers have made in regards to his work ethic. I could weep openly about how quickly my baby boy grew into a man. I could retell so many stories of the little everyday moments I remember from every age. I could write a list of all the people who love him and type all the ways he's touched their lives.

But I won't. I mean, I kinda just did, but I'll stop. It's a mom's job to gush, no? We are so proud of this guy. Our first born. Our greatest experiment who has somehow turned out, is turning out, so much better than we ever could've hoped. 

Just one mom moment...HOW(hooooooooooow?!?!??!) is this only a two year difference? Time, you jerk!

Forget it. I can't leave it at just pictures. 

Gone are the days of reminding him to brush his teeth and change his socks and pick up after himself. The hot wheel cars and legos and pockets full of little boy treasures are long gone. Once upon a time he seemed to need me. Now it's me hollering up the stairs, "Hey, Simon! Can you help me?" He turns to his dad more often for advice, to share a joke, to discuss his future, to help with math. We got to shaving and driving and college shopping and future building a lot more suddenly than anticipated. What felt like a steady drive now feels like we've reached some kind of turn off. A little parking area, to gather our whits before moving on to the next leg of our journey. What scares the crap out of me and makes a little sob catch in my throat is that I'm not the one driving for the next piece, not figuratively or literally.

As parents, we do so much for them for so long and then one day...they're doing it all for themselves. I suppose that's the whole point, to get them to this place in life. The milestones look so different here. The little peeks into their future that let you know they're gonna make it. As I breathe a little sigh of relief, I know the jobs not done, it never will be. 

He doesn't say, "Hey, mom, watch this!" nearly as often anymore, but I am. I'm still watching, my boy.